Relationships scares me I’m not gonna lie I get attached way to easily just never show it and I’m terrified im never gonna be good enough for you and that you’ll give up on me and find someone who isn’t as much as a fuck up that’s what terrifies me
Picture this. It’s 7am and you wake up to my alarm and me kissing you on the forehead before I get ready for work. I shower and make breakfast and suddenly its 8am and you wake again to three little sets of feet pounding on the stairs. This is your alarm. You get up and get the kids ready for school. We sit down and have breakfast but we’re running late as usual so I hop in the car with the kids and kiss you goodbye. You pick them up at 3pm and take them home to do homework. Then you make them a snack and they go play. Finally it’s 6pm and Im pulling into the drive way. The kids greet me at the door and I kiss you. It’s an I miss you kiss, the kind that we wait all day for. We eat dinner and the kids are in bed by 8pm. Now it’s our time. I ask about your day and you ask about mine. When I tell you all the bad things you kiss me because everything can be fixed with a kiss. We fall asleep talking and cuddling. It’s 3am and I wake up to pull you closer to me and you wake up too. It’s moments like these that mean the most. Wrapped in each other’s arms nothing but love shared between sheets. Then all of a sudden it’s 7am and we do it all over again. Now forget that picture. That’s the future you gave up on when you gave up on me.
Im at that point now where i have to decide whether i should move on or continue grasping something that’s barely there; like cold hands in the winter fog.
I Want you. So bad. But I’ve done so much and I’ve waited for so long for you. My heart still stirs when i see you, not wanting to believe what my mind does. The only thing holding me back from moving on is the nagging voice in my head saying “just one more day. Just one more sign. Just go to sleep and he’ll love you tomorrow ”