Merlin Headcanon
  • Eggsy and Roxy were his favorite of the recruits.
  • After the movie, he runs detailed backgrounds on all their neighbors and hooks up their home alarms to his house so if something happens MERLIN IS ON IT. WITH A MACHINE GUN.
  • So the last new Kingsman before Roxy was Eggsy’s dad, right? 17 years ago? And he was presumable a bit older than Eggsy/Roxy, and now Merlin’s so much older he’s just like-“They’re so young! They’re just bbs!” and he gets in the habit of checking up on them, you know, totally smoothly and unobtrusively, after missions to make sure they’re doing all right.
  • The two of them get in the habit of coming into his office to sit in on each other’s missions, and he gets in the habit of making sure there’s extra tea (of all the brands they like, and he gets Eggsy ginger snaps and makes sure there’s always a box of turkish delights for Roxy, who secretly has the sweet tooth to end all sweet tooths. And when other agents try to eat the cookies he stops them). Eggsy bops in and asks idiot questions when they’re both watching Roxy’s feed - No, Eggsy, don’t touch that- -Yes, Eggsy, the entire Chelsea squad was once kidnapped and held for ransom for four days and Harry rescued them with a fountain pen and a harmonica- while Roxy tends to sit quietly and sometimes meditate and demolishes three plates full of baklava when Eggsy’s in danger. After a while he starts to think it’s too quiet when he’s by himself.
  • A couple of the other agents try to patronize Roxy or be snobbish to Eggsy, but they only try it once or twice because Merlin swoops in like a hawk and decides those agents need to redo their yearly fitness classifications (and watches them jog on treadmills with leads attached to their chests for AGES with his eyes just sparkling with glee behind his glasses -Oh, dear, I’m afraid I forgot to turn the machine on that time, that’s ten more miles for you, Tristan, chop chop- or go do really important missions in the middle of a rainforest where mosquitoes eat you alive until they think about what they’ve done. And he makes sure Roxy and Eggsy never find out.
  • Whenever one of them is in the infirmary, Merlin spoils their dogs horribly and cuddles them while he monitors other missions.
  • He feels just as responsible for Eggsy’s dad’s death as Harry (because he missed the grenade too, and he should have trained Lee to check, should have stopped him, should have known) and has made it his personal mission to see that Eggsy Unwin dies of old age.
before shabbat

115 minutes

  • parev vegan dessert (ginger snaps!! :) )
  • shower & wash hair
  • taster course: when is it? (can be delayed)
  • map of how to walk to dinner hosts’ house
    • check if i am in the eruv the whole way there
      • if not, make a paperclip key bracelet
  • check if i can open the sardine can on shabbat
    • if not, open & cover & fridge it

Every Day is Halloween isn’t it?… For some of us.” 

(Creepy Girl Appreciation Part 2, Pt. 1: X, Pt 3: X, Pt: 4:X)


Gorgeous horror themed posters and prints by Joel Robinson.

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