11: “Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little duelling club, to train you all in case you ever need to defend yourselves as I myself have done on countless occasions—for full details, see my published works.”
wait wtf is happening? i missed the live ep cause of work and suddenly everyone's screaming on my dash . . . WHAT DID SAM DO? WHO IS TERRY? ugh
scanlan cha cha’d real smooth out of whitestone with kaylie after ripping everyone a new asshole over the way he’s been treated like the comic relief and then sam opened his mouth half an hour later as a new character named taryon darrington who is gilderoy lockheart and varric thethras’ lovechild and we are losing our collective minds I think
The first time was before the two of you had started dating. It was before you had even started to be friends. It was during first year right before the Sorting ceremony. All of the first were waiting to be led into the Great Hall for Sorting when Sirius bumped into you, knocking you over.
He grabbed your hand to help you back up. He took one look at you before exclaiming,” Merlin. You’re so beautiful. Marry me?”
“What? No!” You backed away from him but he came closer.
“Fine but you’ll say yes someday.”
From that moment on you did your best to avoid Sirius as well as his friends but Sirius was doing his best to get closer to you. You two had finally become friends in 2nd year and he had begun to start with the asking you out in 3rd year.
“Come on, (Y/N), just one date,” Sirius whined for the 5th time that day. He had found you at the library while you were trying to get work done.
“Oh my god, Sirius, I said “No”. How many times have you asked this week?”
“56,” Remus chimed in.
“If I saw yes, will you leave me to my studying,” you asked.
“Yes,” Sirius answered.
“Then I’ll go on a date with you, now leave.”
“Well, if that worked maybe if I ask you to marry me enough. Will you marry me?”
“Will you marry me?”
“Will you marry me? Will you marry me? Will you marry me?”
“Well, Moony five down 51 to go,” Sirius said as he strolled out of the library.
The 3rd time was quite possibly the worst. It happened in 4th year during Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall was giving a lecture on Cross-Species Switches. You were taking notes of course but it was slightly harder because the Marauders were in the back of the classroom having some type of argument.
“Oh, you think I won’t,” Sirius half whispered, half yelled.
“I know you won’t,” James said in the same manner.
“I’m advising you not to,”Remus whispered.
“Don’t tell me what to do Moony. And as for you, Prongs, I’m gonna prove you wrong.” Before anyone had the chance to say anything else Sirius hopped on his desk.
Everyone turned around to stare at him as he shouted,” (Y/F/N), I love you and I want to marry you. Will you marry me?”
“Mr. Black get off you desk and see me after class,” McGonagall boomed. Sirius climbed off his desk with a frown. You were blushing so ferociously Professor McGonagall sent you to the Hospital wing because she thought you had a fever. You pretended to be sick so that you could stay there. At the end of the day Sirius stopped by.
“I’ve got a weeks detention. But you never gave me an answer,” Sirius smirked.
#4 was probably the funniest of all of them. #4 happened during 5th year. You had started to befriend a cocky Ravenclaw named Gilderoy Lockheart. Sirius didn’t like this at all. He thought the two of you were a little two friendly. One day after Potions Sirius saw the two of you talking in the hall, to close for his comfort.
Sirius came between you and kissed you He then said,” Will you marry me?”
“No, Sirius,” you began to whisper.” But if you were jealous you could have just told me.”
“I wasn’t jealous,” Sirius muttered while walking away.
Then there was #5 which was the most sincere. It was after he’d been kicked out of his parents house. You were the first person he told. The two of your were sitting on your couch not talking much. You could tell he had felt some type of loss no matter how bad his family was.
Suddenly he reached for your hands and said,” Guess what I stole from my mom before I left?”
“What?” He pulled out a gold ring with a huge a emerald in the middle.
“No and especially not with that ring.”
During 7th year Sirius decided to give it another try. Exams were finally over so Sirius thought it was the perfect time. He’d bought a ring during Christmas holiday. One afternoon with only a month left at Hogwarts Sirius waited for you at the Great Lake with the rest of the Marauders.
“6th times the charm, right Moony?”
“No need to be nervous, Padfoot. I’m sure she’ll say “yes”.”
“Frankly, I’m surprised she didn’t say “yes” the first time,” James replied. Finally you showed up. You and Sirius intertwined arms as you walked around the lake.
Finally when you reached the far end of the lake Sirius stopped walking.
“(Y/N), how long have we been together,” Sirius asked.
“Sirius, love, you already know the answer to that. Four years,” you replied.
“Okay, so have they been a good four years,” Sirius questioned.
“Of course,” you answered again.
“Well, (Y/N), I love you and I’m pretty sure you love me and I know I’ve asked before but this time I’m really really serious when I ask.” He got down on one knee and pulled out a ring.”(Y/N), will you marry me, please?”
“Yes, of course!” He put the ring on your finger then you hugged and kissed. Now it was time to plan a wedding. You just hoped Sirius wouldn’t become a groomzilla.
“Daddy!” Poppy shouted jumping onto the bed and falling onto
my chest in the process.
“Hey pumpkin,” I replied squishing her cheeks together,
“What do you want to do today?” I asked her, her hands quickly clasping
“Let’s go to the zoo!” she told me excitedly, as I ran my
hand through my hair.
“The zoo?” I asked again, making sure she was 100% on her
“Yes! When nanna took me, there was this lovely lady there
who worked with the farm animals. And she let me feed the sheep.” Poppy informed
“Okay, and what noise do sheep make, just so that I know you’re
suitable for going again.” I tested her, poking her chubby cheeks once again.
“Bahhh, Bahhhhh, Bahhhhh.” She shouted, causing me to giggle
as she sat holding her nose so that it was the prefect sound of a sheep.
“Come on then, let’s get you dressed so you can see the
sheep again.” I told her, as I picked her up and taking her into her room to
dress her as she was still making sheep noises, but it kept me laughing as I
helped her choose an outfit.
I held a tight grip on Poppy’s hand once we exited the car
and walked up to the booth to pay for two tickets to get into the zoo. The lady
kept a strong smile the whole time as I payed, commenting on how Poppy was
beautifully dressed; small black boots, white tights, pink tutu and a stripy
shirt with a glittery heart on it. I had to admit that most of her outfit was
picked out by herself, causing the casher to let out a light giggle.
“What would you like to see first Pops?” I asked her once we
entered the large gates.
“The sheep!” she quickly replied grabbing my hand and
dragging me off to the farm area, the sound of farm animals becoming louder by
the second. There was hardly anyone at the Zoo, so Poppy could get fairly close
to the animals. But before she ran face first into the fence guarding off the
sheep, I picked her up into my arms and placed her on my hip. “Daddy look it’s
a baby!” Poppy pointed, edging further to the fence.
“Hello baby.” I said picking up Poppy’s hand and waving to
the lamb for her, making her giggle and say hello herself. A girl came out of
the building behind the sheep, obviously the inside room for the sheep. Poppy
let out a small gasp, causing me to snap my head round to see what was wrong.
Things the harry potter fandom needs: -A magical creature & plant show with Neville and Luna -A film about the marauders -Regulus. Just more regulus. - proffessors of Hogwarts sitcom -death eater sitcom - the many adventures of Gilderoy Lockheart -‘The Real House Elves Of Hogwarts’ -Quirrel x Voldermort sitcom -Azkaban inmates in the style of Big Brother -Fred & George prank show -Arthur x Molly backstory -Sir Cadogan’s backstory -FUCKING ARAGOG SITCOM I DON’T CARE
Things the harry Potter fandom doesn’t need: -The plot of the Cursed Child
The SMH team have a Harry Potter party and everyone has to go as a character, no excuses.
Jack is forced to be Harry, even though he’s way too tall, but everyone wanted to see him in glasses and to loudly proclaim he looks just like his father, but has his mother’s eyes. Holster and Ransom wanted to find him a real owl but Bitty said no.
Ransom goes as Lee Jordan and spends the entire night commentating on the events of the party at great volume.
Dex is a Weasley. Which Weasley, you ask. All of them. (no, he was not given a choice).
Bitty was given suggestions such as Professor Flitwick and Professor Umbridge because of his height. He ignores both and goes as Dobby instead. People throw clothes at him all night.
Shitty goes as Dumbledore and spends half the evening dispensing Sherbet Lemons and wise advice. The other half is taken up by muttering cryptic warnings to Jack, who doesn’t understand most of them.
Holster agonises for eight days over his decision, before finally choosing Professor McGonagall, who is in his top 5 favourite characters of all time. He spends most of the evening chasing after Ransom, telling him to watch what he’s saying in a high-pitched voice and a passable Scottish accent.
Lardo goes as Sirius Black, and is undoubtedly the coolest person in the room. She shows up on a motorcycle. No one knew she could even drive one. Her moustache and flow rival Shitty’s.
Chowder goes as Hagrid, who was always one of his favourite characters. His costume is so good that it takes the team half the night to realise exactly who it is, and that’s only because he brings out his largest stuffed toy shark as a “pet”.
Nursey goes as Gilderoy Lockheart because they’re both extremely good-looking and has everyone around him laughing all night at his perfect blend of self-absorption and complete incompetence. He composes poems about himself on the spot.
Parson crashes the party halfway through the night, loudly announcing his displeasure at not being invited, and that “My father will hear about this”.
I absolutely love to hate Gilderoy Lockheart, to the point I genuinely like him and he’s the reason the second movie is my favorite. Sure his personality is among the most obnoxious and his ego is infinite, but he is just so entertaining that I want to whack him upside the head for being like that while simultaneously never wanting him to stop.
My least favorite thing is people portraying ravenclaws as these “Oh books books smarty mc cool confident nerd face” Like, no. Honestly no. Ravenclaw isn’t only the house of the house of the book-loving smartasses, it’s literally the house for the misfits. Odric the Oddball was a ravenclaw, so was Wendlyn the Weird or whatever her name was. People always say that the ravenclaw will take the most logical approach, when in fact they could just as likely take some crazy bullshit route that no one had thought of yet. Ravenclaw isn’t just the house of analytical smart peoples, it could be the home for the creative thinkers whose ideas are so out-of-the-box they were categorized as insane. I mean, Luna fucking Lovegood is a great example of this. Now, I’m not saying that ravenclaws aren’t known for their intelligence, but they sure as heck aren’t known for only that. The harry potter wiki lists originality and individuality as two important ravenclaw traits. Hell, Luna Lovegood, professor Trelawney, even goddamn quirrel were all ravenclaws. and using the example of quirrel, even ravenclaws can go evil, they are the second most likely to become a death eater, after slytherin.
a goddamn list of characters that the fandom doesn’t know are ravenclaw:
• Flitwick (most pp don’t know that he’s the fuckin head)
• S. Fawcett
• GILDEROY LOCKHEART
• GODDAMN FUCKING OLLIVANDER. THE FUCKING WAND GUY