Gay Black Men

Their smiles are contagious!!! 😁
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It is 2016 ladies & gentlemen. There is absolutely no reason why our inclusion in mainstream television programming should STILL focus on these tired, lazy, DL characters and their associated “down low” experiences. It truly KILLS ME that producers are still seemingly perpetuating the idea that two black men can’t exist in an openly loving, monogamous, mentally & emotionally stable relationship. And if a black man does exist in a healthy union, his partner HAS to be of another ethnicity.

While I certainly am pleased to watch and support the Jamal Lyon’s, Tariq Muhammad’s & Milan Christopher’s of the world, I want to see them on screen in a way that reflects the reality of a changing, more accepting cultural landscape.

BLACK MEN DO EXIST IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER BLACK MEN who are out to their families, desire marriage, seek longterm partnership and are comfortable within their sexuality.

The large majority of us are NOT wasting our time chasing behind closeted rap stars & athletes who have not yet accepted their same sex attractions or feelings.

In my opinion, these “DL” storylines, though written & performed fairly well, do nothing at its core to lay bare the most visceral, romantic elements of male interaction. And because there are so few representations of gay, black men on screen, there is no time or space to waste on pure “entertainment”. We, as a community tend to accept and get excited about seeing these washed storylines because the only alternative in black, gay media comes in the form of start and stop web series’ made for YouTube or digital/print magazines that unfortunately never reach beyond a tiny segment of readers. I WANT TO SEE MY BROTHERS ON SCREEN accenting the sentiments of two men, living as partners, working to build a home together, establishing finances, raising a family and committed to loving one another, eternally.

It can be featured in the most basic form of two 22 year olds in their senior year of college: sharing their first apartment together, struggling to make ends meet, one working, the other unemployed, but both making sure the other eats daily and has his basic needs met. I’m not pitching fantasy situations here.

Networks and production companies need to STOP sensationalizing the “DL” man and his “struggle to be himself”. ITS TIRED. They do it specifically to throw black, gay men a bone (see… we included you) – all while echoing the perspective of the masses that suggests our interactions are abnormal or our carefree, sex filled, irresponsible, ungodly “lifestyles” are all the same. We are painted as being unworthy of traditional love.

It’s the antithesis of my reality and to those I most commonly meet, befriend and engage with across the country.

If God ever grants me the opportunity to create LGBT content beyond the Internet, it will be my priority to redefine the depictions of black gay male relationships – the connections we’ve established with ourselves, our families, our partners and the universe as a whole.

Xem VanAdams.
@xemsays.

C: I’m personally sick of gay black men getting a pass from other black women for being misogynistic like, sorry, homosexuality is not a get of jail free card from sexism and misogyny. I say this as a queer black woman. Don’t let these niggas run you just cause they are part of the LGBT community. Making fun of our mannerisms, being bullies, saying all of our pussies stink isn’t cute or funny. It’s sexism. Some of y'all let way too much of that shit fly.

Confession: Black men, we need to stop complaining and treat our woman better. Y'all claim y'all are “Good guys” but don’t want to put the effort in to understanding a black woman’s struggle, your so called “Queens.” Our egos are going to be our downfall. Every time you get mistreated by one black woman, she gets mistreated by five black men. 

One on our list of problems is that we aren’t listening. Black women aren’t attacking us, they just want us to hear them and acknowledge their pain, then they want us to do something to change our behaviour towards them, they want us to hold them other coons accountable for our cold harsh words and attitude towards them. Shit! It ain’t that hard. The things these women do for us, the way they hold us down, the way they love us (look at your moms) the way they support us (BLM)… Even when we the ones that fuck up. Come on! At least try to better ourself and our community for them. 

We been struggling too long and We all tired. Let’s just grow together as equals for once. Dark skin girls I see y'all and I apologise. Gay and bi men, again I apologise, we need to support you too. I’m learning and I’m growing so I ain’t perfect, but I’m trying.

The Story of Paul Phillips

Excerpt from the book: The Other Side of Silence: Men’s Lives & Gay Identities - A Twentieth-Century History by John Loughery

Paul Phillips was a young black gay man growing up in the Midwest during the early 20th century. He was the son of a fairly prosperous middle class lawyer within a family exemplifying the aspirations of the talented tenth. Somehow, rumors of Paul’s extracurricular activities revolving around his “sexual behavior and preference” reached his father. Quite calmly and plainly, his father explained to Paul that he was living his life within an “unnatural” condition since he did not evince a desire for the opposite sex within their small segregated community. To help his son overcome this “condition,” a trip was planned to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

For a total of seven day, Paul was interviewed and examined. At the end, the doctors reported to Mr. Phillips and his wife that nothing could be done to change Paul; he would be a “homosexual” to the end of his days. And, that under Minnesota law at the time, they were required to report suspected gay men to the Rochester police, gay being a criminal offense. For whatever reason, the doctors, to the great relief of Mr. and Mrs. Phillips, declined to report Paul to the law enforcement authorities.

After returning home from an exacerbating trip that required them to camp out because they were not allowed to stay in white only hotels, Mr. Phillips came to a rather judicious conclusion about the sexual nature of his son. If his son suffered from an “illness” for which there was no cure, he would allow his son to lead his life as before, but lead it with DIGNITY and caution. Mr. Phillips said to Paul:

Find yourself a friend you can trust and bring him …What you do in your own room is your own business.

Mr. Phillips feared for Paul’s welfare. He understood the dangers of clandestine meeting spots where those like his son found one another and sometimes the law waiting for them.

It took Paul sometime to find a congenial lover, but at college in Topeka, Kansas after becoming a lawyer in the mid 1920′s, he met another black man, a musician who played the organ for churches near school and together they began a relationship of mutual affection providing a respite against an often hostile and prejudiced world.

C: Why is it that in the black community we would rather accept the drug dealer cousin – or any other negative thing – before the gay cousin?! Especially straight black guys. We as a people in general can be so closed minded to things. I don’t get it. Personally as a young gay black man I can’t even tell family because would they think I’m bat ish crazy or I have a disease. They would shut me out from the rest of the family.

C: I find it funny how when comes to the topic of homophobia in the black community straight black men are at the for front getting dragged for their behavior but when the person who being homophobic is a black woman everybody gets quiet and has a excuse when your just as bad has your counter part. That’s why I can’t take these pro black/femmist seriously; half the time all I see is a bunch of hypocrites.