Dear Abby, 24 January 2014:
DEAR ABBY: When I buy a sweater I usually get an extra button in a little clear baggie attached to the garment. Today, I bought a sweater with a piece of matching thread in the tiny plastic bag. Why do manufacturers insist on adding something to every article of clothing even if it is just a piece of thread? — INQUISITIVE IN ILLINOIS
Dear Inquisitive in Illinois,
It is ABOUT FUCKING TIME someone stood up to garment manufacturers that try to assist consumers in the continuing care and maintenance of their clothing. FUCK THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES FOR GIVING YOU SHIT YOU MIGHT NEED IN THE FUTURE.
HEY ASSHOLES DO YOU HEAR US? FUCK YOU! YOU’RE THE FUCKING WORST!!!!! FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!!!! WE DON’T WANT TO CARRY ANY MORE FUCKING BUTTONS OR PIECES OF THREAD, THE MOST LABORIOUS OF ALL ITEMS TO TRANSPORT. WE WOULD TELL YOU TO SHOVE THESE EXTRANEOUS PIECES OF THREAD SOMEWHERE DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE IF IN FACT THE PIECES OF THREAD WERE LARGE ENOUGH TO BE EVEN VAGUELY NOTICEABLE!!!!!!!! THAT’S HOW SHITTY YOU ARE!!!!! EXTREMELY SHITTY!!!!