Garments

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A Better Business Suit For Epidemics

by Michael Keller

Here’s an idea for a better business suit, if your business is fighting ebola or other deadly infectious disease outbreaks.

The suit’s designers, a team from Johns Hopkins University, say they built it to better protect healthcare workers from coming in contact with disease-carrying body fluids. It will also allow providers to work longer without needing to remove the garment by keeping them cooler and more comfortable.

Major problems have surfaced in emergency responders’ personal protective equipment since the world started mobilizing against the spread of ebola, which has so far infected more than 18,600 people and killed 6,900. According to the World Health Organization, 649 healthcare workers were known to have become infected with the virus as of Dec. 14. Of those, 365 have died.

Learn more and see a graphic showing the suit’s improvements below.

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I Didn't Ask For This Piece Of Fucking Thread

Dear Abby, 24 January 2014:

DEAR ABBY: When I buy a sweater I usually get an extra button in a little clear baggie attached to the garment. Today, I bought a sweater with a piece of matching thread in the tiny plastic bag. Why do manufacturers insist on adding something to every article of clothing even if it is just a piece of thread? — INQUISITIVE IN ILLINOIS

Dear Inquisitive in Illinois,

It is ABOUT FUCKING TIME someone stood up to garment manufacturers that try to assist consumers in the continuing care and maintenance of their clothing. FUCK THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES FOR GIVING YOU SHIT YOU MIGHT NEED IN THE FUTURE.

HEY ASSHOLES DO YOU HEAR US? FUCK YOU! YOU’RE THE FUCKING WORST!!!!! FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!!!! WE DON’T WANT TO CARRY ANY MORE FUCKING BUTTONS OR PIECES OF THREAD, THE MOST LABORIOUS OF ALL ITEMS TO TRANSPORT. WE WOULD TELL YOU TO SHOVE THESE EXTRANEOUS PIECES OF THREAD SOMEWHERE DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE IF IN FACT THE PIECES OF THREAD WERE LARGE ENOUGH TO BE EVEN VAGUELY NOTICEABLE!!!!!!!! THAT’S HOW SHITTY YOU ARE!!!!! EXTREMELY SHITTY!!!!