GOD-SAVE-THE-QUEEN

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A Member of Parliament complained that the BBC should play God Save The Queen at the end of their daily programming. This was their response.

God Save The Queen: Part 4

(( OOC: Marlene played by @askwhathasthiscometo ))

Sirius: *rushes past Marlene at the door of the dressing room* Sorry! 

Sirius: *grins* Hey… I get ready fast. 

Sirius: … No. 

Sirius: None of your business Marlene. 

Sirius: *grins* *throws his costume on and starts putting on the rest of his makeup* 

Remus: *slips into the dressing room, unnoticed* 

Marlene: Not one that you’d wanna use on your face! Ask Lucius. 

Sirius: *grimaces*

Marlene: I hate him too, but he comes prepared. Unlike you. 

Sirius: … What… How did you-?

Sirius: Remus… Fuck… I-

Sirius: I know. I’m… sorry. 

Remus: That’s not going to cut it Black. 

Sirius: *looks strained* I… Marlene’s an old friend. I met up with her last week. *takes a deep breath* She knew I enjoyed performing, we did some theater together in high school… and… she offered me a job. 

Remus: … As a drag queen. 

Sirius: *nervously* You’ve been so stressed lately… being sick and…

Sirius: *glares* Knock it off… We’ve been… having a mildly difficult time making ends meet. 

Remus: *snorts* Diplomatic response… 

Sirius: I just figured I should start pitching in. Jesus, I’ve been leaching off of you and James since I was 16… *shrugs weakly* I just wanted to take some of the stress off. 

Sirius: I mean… Look at me.

Remus: I am looking… 

Remus: I don’t know what you were so afraid of… 

Sirius: *stutters* It’s… It’s… weird. 

Remus: Do you enjoy it?

Sirius: What?

Remus: Do you like your job?

Sirius: *shrugs, suddenly looking smug* I’m an exhibitionist with killer eyeliner-applying-skills… of course I like it. 

Sirius: … You’re kidding. 

Remus: I’m 100% Sirius. 

Sirius: … You’re an idiot. 

Sirius: You’re gonna have to pay extra for that later. Special favors don’t come cheap.

Sirius: *grins and throws on the wig* 

Sirius: You’re distracting. 

Remus: I’ll see you after the show… 

FIN

Let's be honest: Grantaire wouldn't sing a sappy love song for Enjolras at a karaoke bar

Grantaire is leafing through the song book in a corner because he doesn’t want his friends to know what he’s going to sing. They all assume he’s prepared some romantic song for Enjolras. When Courfeyrac sneaks a look at the book and notices that Grantaire is searching for something in the Queen section, they start to make a bet all excited. What will it be? Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy? Breakthru? One year of love? I was born to love you? Enjolras looks away and pretends not to listen, but he’s blushing anyway and secretly yearning to hear that mysterious song.

Finally, Grantaire turn comes. He grabs the mike, steps up to the stage with a wide smile on his face and starts to sing wholeheartedly. It’s God save the Queen.

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Theresa May, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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1. The letter 'U’ will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,’ 'favour,’ 'labour’ and 'neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ’-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ’-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary’).

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like’ and 'you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u” and the elimination of ’-ize.’

——————-

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

—————–

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

———————-

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

———————-

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

——————–

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

——————-

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

——————-

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

———————

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

———————

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

———————

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

——————–

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

—————–

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

—————

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

God Save The Queen: Part 1

Sirius: *grins* Hello. 

Remus: Again? 

Sirius: Again. 

Remus: That’s the third day in a row… How’s Lily taking you stealing James on a nightly basis? 

Sirius: *grins* Don’t worry, we’ve worked out a joint custody deal. 

Remus: *snorts* Oh deer… *trails off* 

Remus: *stares* 

Remus: *raises an eyebrow* I have bags under my eyes, that looks like makeup. 

Sirius: Well…….. It’s not.

Remus: … Alright. *shrugs* Not like I haven’t seen you in makeup before. 

Sirius: Oh c’mon… that was high school. *grins* All the cool guys wore guyliner. *sighs dramatically* It was a phase. 

Remus: Night Pads… 

To Be Continued

God Save The Queen: Part 3

*Remus makes his way down an unfamiliar street, glancing repeatedly down at his phone, which has “find my iphone” open* 

Remus: *stops, glancing up* … Are you kidding me?

*Remus is standing outside a gay pub called “The Three Broomsticks”* 

Remus: … Jesus Christ… *takes a deep breath and enters the pub*

Remus: *settles in at a table in a dark corner of the pub* *mutters to himself, looking around nervously* What the hell are you doing Remus? Glasses, really?

Remus: … Glasses… *looks around the busy pub for a moment, trying to spot Sirius* *groans with frustration* 

Just call him… *pauses* And stop talking to yourself. 

*Respect by Aretha Franklin starts playing and the lights dim* 

Remus: ……… Oh. My. God.

All I’m asking…

Remus: *panics as Sirius starts to move closer to his tucked-away corner* 

Sirius: *completely unaware of Remus, continues performing* 

Remus: *waits until the end of the number then slowly gets up* *glances back once more as Sirius makes his way off stage* 

*quietly slips out unnoticed*

To Be Continued