A Gay former Protestant Tells His Story, A Catholic Commentary in Bold Font
Before I continue, here’s a brief background on me. I grew up southern baptist,[PROTESTANT] attending church every Sunday and Wednesday from the ages of 6-22. During that time, I also completed 3 years of ministry school. Okay. I grew up as Protestant too, before I converted to Catholicism.
Another thing that you need to know about me is that I’m gay. I’m real gay. I have been gay for as long as I can remember, even before I had the vocabulary to let me express what it was that I was feeling. Okay, we are born with original sin. We are born with inclinations to do what is not right, so homosexuality falls into that category.
For a large part of my life I was also depressed and suicidal
(That is horrible, so was I, suicidal behavior is caused by deep suffering and longing for Love of God and the Love of others, like your Mother and Father and Siblings and Friends (I wonder how your relationships were with them or if you were sexually abused—that causes a lot of sexual confusion and suicidal ideation. I am sorry, I love you brother!)
because I was taught throughout my entire life that everything that I was and everything that I was experiencing was evil and that I would burn in hell for eternity because of the way I inherently was.
See you were taught Protestant Theology. Protestants do not separate the sin from the sinner. They think they are one and the same. They are not. You are not a homosexual by identity. You are a man, first, and dearly Loved by Jesus. Your sins are not who you are. Your sins and struggles are not who you are. They are outside you and within you, a war in your very core. “It is who I felt like within” you say. But it was a deep part of why you were miserable. And you think happiness will be in homosexuality…but it’s shallow. You feel guilty, stressed out, depressed, and hated because there is a war within. You are (a man and a child of God) and someone who you are not meant to be (a sinner and a man who wants to have sex with men). Those are in conflict since your youth. You knew it did not feel exactly right. It brought some satisfaction but then it also didn’t, because it goes against nature, procreation, the family, and life itself. You didn’t feel good about it NOT because of religion [Protestantism], but the natural law was against you.
I went to ministry school in an effort to “change” and “be healed of my homosexuality”. The only way that I was given an out is if I were to commit myself to celibacy, and being single for my entire life as the only acceptable alternative, and let me tell you that I am not called in any way to be a priest or a monk, and your own holy book states, “it is not good for man to be alone”.
Don’t twist scripture. It is not good for a man to be alone, but his only partner that is fit for him is a woman. She is his other half. They fit naturally together. They create life and a family. If God made in the garden of Eden (which is a simple logical creation story, with deep spiritual significance)…. SO IF GOD MADE two men in the garden….we all know how that would have turned out. They both would have died of old age…nothing would be made. The world cannot exist in the natural order on the backs of homosexuals.
Since ministry school wasn’t “erasing the gay”, and I was living in Kansas City, MO at the time, I decided over the weekend that I would go to a local gay conversion ministry, Exodus International, on Monday morning to talk about beginning their program. Monday morning rolled around & I checked my email. Guess what was there?
An email announcing the closure of Exodus International because they felt that sexuality could not be changed.
This wrecked my world - for a time.
I picked myself up by my bootstraps and decided to move on with life, quitting ministry school, and beginning to pursue what I really wanted out of my career and life.
That is your story.
Since I have left the church, I am much healthier mentally, and physically. I also live with less guilt, condemnation, and depression than I did when I was in the church. I am, however, still living with the mental, emotional, and spiritual damage that was done during that time.
You did not learn about the real Love of Jesus for you. Even as a homosexual God cares for you. He still loves you. He still wants you to leave it all and make a sacrifice of your life, and all you are, and live the Gospel.
He still wants you to care for others, your family, your friends, stay away from sin, feed the poor, sit with the lonely, listen to people…be good. I am sad that you missed your opportunity to be saved of the homosexual lifestyle and show others how to live not for yourself and what you want, but what Jesus wants from you.
He wants you to do more things than give up a boyfriend. Jesus, who is God, wants to talk to you, be your friend, do good in His name, do works of charity in His name….have you neglected to do even that much for Jesus?
Yes giving up living with men, kissing men, doing all kinds of things with men is the right thing to do, but have you given up doing other kinds of evil? Do you still curse people, do you steal? Think hateful thoughts? Do you encourage others to do wrong things? Do you drink or use drugs too much? Do you spend too much money on yourself and not think about others? Do you prevent yourself and others from getting diseases? think you are better than religious people for being gay? Think you are better than me, a fellow Christian? Do you give your time to others generously?
If you can’t sacrifice your sexuality, because you need to be gay. That is something so vital in your life. That community is so important to you. That lifestyle is so fulfilling. Than what else can you do for Jesus?
On the last day Jesus will ask you….What did you do for others? How did you Love God? How did you love me? Why did you stop knowing Me? Why didn’t you do this or that? Why did you cause this pain on others? Why were you mean to my children? Why did you fight against Me, I was always waiting for you, and you never came back?