If I had to name one of the most unsettling moments of SPN this would certainly be one of them because though I think Jensen and Alaina had amazing chemistry and rocked this scene, it is yet another moment in which Dean is subjected to violence, but also threatened with outright sexual abuse and possession. That said, to me this scene in early S9 at the same time is also one of he most poignant ones as it touches on so much that lies ahead for Dean and the MoC arc. And most importantly this entire scene imo is getting replayed in 10x02 “Reichenbach” setting and tone wise with Dean taking Abaddon’s place as a demon and Knight of Hell in his fight against Cole (see gifset here). Abaddon is what Dean is about to become over the course of the season. And here they are, two soldiers facing off against one another. The parallels existing between Abaddon and Demon!Dean I also had briefly touched on in this gifset. Aside from these big parallels, I think the devil - as so often - lies in the details.
Abaddon emphasizing Dean to be the perfect vessel and threatening to possesshim, making him watch - which directly connects to Dean’s observer status in S11 and his “I was just a witness” - not only reminds of Dean’s role as Michael’s vessel, but also foreshadows how the mark essentially takes away Dean’s free will and turns him into its puppet to sate it’s bloodthirst. The horror scenarios Abaddon throws at Dean here, in this regard feel foreboding to Dean going off the deep end towards the end of S10, but also serves as a callback to Dean’s time in Hell imo. The show never explored it in depth, but I think it is more than valid to assume that Abaddon’s words brought a few memories back from Hell that Dean would rather not have ever thought about again. In this regard it’s probably good that Abaddon didn’t know that Dean “served in Hell” as that would have made her torture all the much worse probably.
Aside from Abaddon’s threats of “making Dean watch” while killing and the connection to the MoC, to me the even bigger parallel here is the one existing between Abaddon and Amara. What Abaddon threatens with, Amara does. She does effectively paralyze Dean and “wants to become one with him”. She is taking Dean’s agency away completely. A lot of the narrative and what it implied in S11 - and which sadly wasn’t delivered on - relates directly to this moment. And in particular the heavy non con/sexual overtones in Abaddon’s and Dean’s and Amara’s and Dean’s interactions are very similar. Especially Abaddon calling Dean “lover” feels troublingly important in relation to Amara wanting to consume Dean and then opting for a kiss.
Furthermore, probably one of the most tragic bits of what Abaddon says here isn’t centered around the non con bits at all, but comes down to her telling Dean that she’d let him die, quick and easy without any pain involved. This almost feels ironic given Dean tries so hard to die in the following two seasons, wishes he could die so he wouldn’t be a danger, wishes he could die so he could remain being who he is. But exactly that: dying isn’t even an option. Because he is immortal, a Knight of Hell, everything he never wanted to be.
Our choices, our lives, our very beings are constrained by chaotic forces utterly outside our control. The sinner, the sufferer, the exploiter, the exploited—we are all ensnared in the jaws of our circumstance.
Realize that you are an actor on a stage and then choose your role. Accept the reality of the circumstances you find yourself in and then act or don’t act, but be decisive in what you choose. You won’t control outcomes. You won’t control the circumstances, but you can control the choices you make – even the shitty ones and you’ll make plenty of those before your final curtain call. Our freedom lies not in the illusion of free will (absurd in a largely deterministic universe), but in what we do with what happens to us. We may not have free will writ large…we have choice and in that ability to make choice, no matter how limited it might be in any given moment, lies the source of our power – our freedom.