so ill be real, I fuckin love breakfast. like a lot, if i could solely off gummies, breakfast foods, and steak, I probably would???fuckin love that shit man. 

Anyway I made a cool thing today and because I love u guys I’m gonna post the recipes that I used to make said thing. One thing I have to mention is this isn’t like my older recipes. The reason it’s harder for me to post shit for you guys, is that I don’t really go by measurements or recipes, It’s just a touch, taste and feel as you go. In the end, recipes only serve as a vague reference, it shouldn’t be a guideline you follow like ur an old middle eastern jew and the recipe is moses and it’s all like ‘yo just go thru the ocean i gotchu’ and u just gotta be like kay i believe in u mosesrecipe

okay, so that made less sense than i wanted it to, but basically a lot of the shit wont have an exact weight or measurement next to it, but when youre cooking, go with your gut and your tongue and do what you think tastes right. Some cooking involves science (like baking, fuck baking), but the culinary aspect is all about art and creativity and working with what you have. Don’t have heirloom baby tomatoes? Fuck it, use the regular shit! Don’t have bacon? Whatevs, use fuckin pepperoni or grill up some weird italian salami shit. Go fuckin ham dude. The culinary world is ur oyster. 

What we have here is a garlic rubbed crostini with basil pesto and a poached egg, topped with a warm chunky tomato vin and served with chives, chive blossoms, fresh basil and some lil baby dressed fresh tomatoes. 


Breakfast Mothafuckin Crostini
serves: 2

What u need-

  • 2 eggs
  • 4 slices of a french baguette*
  • 1 whole clove of garlic
  • olive oil (the fancy shit yo)
  • pesto (recipe below)
  • warm chunky tomato vin (recipe below)
  • dressed fresh bb cherry heirloom tomatoes (recipe below)
  • fresh basil 
  • chive blossoms
  • chopped chives
  • chopped toasted almonds
  • grated parm reggiano (optional)


Pesto recipe-

  • a whole bunch of picked basil (the str8 up green shit. none of that thai opal nonsense. or like u could but green is prettier)
  • olive oil. idk like enough. you’ll know. trust me on this ull know.
  • a small handful of crushed or chopped toasted unsalted almonds
  • small bunch of chives
  • parm to taste
  • salt to taste


Chunky Heirloom Tomato vin recipe-

  • ¼ of a spanish onion, small dice
  • like 10 small baby heirloom tomatoes. maybe 12, idk. u do u
  • sherry (white wine, cheap shit tho dont go hard af on it)
  • 1 slice bacon, chopped 
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 4 basil leaves
  • 1 bay leave
  • 1 sprig thyme
  • salt to taste
  • sugar to taste
  • red wine vin to taste
  • a little olive oil to taste


Ingredients for Mini Tomato Salad-

  • like 10 baby heirloom tomatoes, sliced in half
  • salt, olive oil, red wine vin and crushed black pepper to taste


Procedure for pesto-

  • throw that shit in a blender
  • blend, if it all sticks to the side, scrape it down with a rubber spat, add more olive oil if necessary, finish with parm and salt to taste


Procedure for Chunky Tomato Vin-

  • throw the tomatoes on a small pan over hella high heat, get those fuckers charred and close with a lid until they’re popped or hella cooked. Burst them manually if it’s not happening for them tho
  • in another pan, render fat from the bacon and then sweat onion, garlic (whole cloves, don’t choppy choppy), thyme and bay leaf, deglaze with white wine and then add that shit to your tomatoes
  • Top off with water and simmer until fully cooked, then season that shit with salt, sugar, red wine vin, and finish with olive oil
  • obv when ur serving this, don’t give some asshole a whole garlic clove or a thyme stem like..remove that shit when it’s finished yo


Procedure for Mini Tomato Salad-

  • slice tomatoes in half and season with olive oil, salt and red wine vin. 
  • Make sure u sharpen ur knife for this or you’re gonna end up with shitty crushed tomatoes that look about as sad as your existence. 


Put that shit together-


  • get a cast iron grill pan, or a regular grill pan, or just light up your grill idc and get that shit on high af heat
  • take your bread slices and brush olive oil on both sides
  • Once the pan/grill thing is hot enough, place bread on it and weight it down with like a pot or some metal shit. My god do not weigh it down with a plastic thing don’t be that stupid pls i beg of u
  • get nice toasty golden brown grill marks on both sides, then remove from heat and rub each slice with the whole garlic clove



  • Get the water salted and hot enough to steam, add eggs and let them sit until they’re in the water (that’s risen up to a boil) for 2-3 mins. 
  • This isn’t actually poaching, but it’s EASIER and it gives you the same god damn results so why not amirite
  • shock them in a bowl of cold (iced if u want) water before removing the shell
  • Also protip: always just get an extra egg or two in there in case u fuck up, or in case someone wants seconds. In my case, I do it bc i always manage to fuck up. fuckin eggs man, te amo pero te odio


Combo movez-

  • Get each crostini on their own plate, just one per place, cut the two remaning ones half diagonally and let that j chill for a bit. 
  • spread pesto on each whole crostini and top with the egg. Top each egg with a little sea salt and then give each egg a dollop of chunky tomato vin
  • Top with some crushed almonds, some fresh basil, chopped chives, chive blossoms, and drizzle with olive oil
  • add qt dressed baby tomatoes wherever on the plate to look cute and let the halved crostini lean wherever tf u wanna lean those fuckers. 
  • Top with parm if you want and ur fuckin set yo, open that yolk and make some magic happen


Annnnnd that’s a wrap folks. Hope u try this out, it’s super fun and everyone fuckin loves eggs and bread and shit so youll definitely be a hit. ALSO FUCKIN FREE PESTO RECIPE UR WELCOME ASSHOLES

*PS: I’m grossly allergic to gluten, and because store bought gluten free bread tastes like shit-flavored styrofoam, so if you wanna make this artisan baguette that I use for the crostini, this is the recipe! I recommend just getting the whole book tbh, as someone who is horse shit at baking bread, I can officially make loaves legit whenever I want.