I don’t know if I’ve ever posted this disaster, but here’s a Fifty Shades of Gray trailer remake featuring Bill Cipher and Stanford Pines.

lately i’m not really feeling fandom, and i want to make myself work on some original bullshit instead

but my project featuring a cabal of literal nightmare monsters that stage a coup and take over america to turn the continent into their personal playground, who then proceed to murder dissenters for sport and maintain power by turning the populace against each other

just isn’t seeming appealing right now. for some reason.

So I found this book in Asda today

Have some extracts:

She stood before me, trembling and naked in my shed. “I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.” So I took her to Nando’s.

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall… but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. ‘I need to be punished.’ So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos. “I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.

“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. “Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!” “Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

My body writhed and quivered from the pain. I had learned my next lesson. Never again would I leave an upturned plug on the shed floor.