FanFic

I will never understand how someone can finish a book, like it and then just go on living. I have to go look for all of the fan art and fanfiction that has ever been published. Do deep character analysis, see what other people think of it, and basically just scroll down the book’s tumblr tag for HOURS looking at everything that’s already been discussed about it then imerse myself in the fandom so much it will consume my every thought for at least the coming week.

Captain Steve Rogers, Lovecraftian Horror

Title: The Miskatonic Project
Rating: PG-13 for horror themes, death
Summary: Abraham Erskine may have invented something new with the Serum – or maybe he re-created something very old. Something…Elder.
Notes: I should be working on like three other fanfics but I had a TERRIBLE DREAM this afternoon and anyway this only took about half an hour to write.

***

Steve came out of the Vita-Ray machine…different. 

Of course he looked different – taller, thickly muscled, skin gleaming. But it wasn’t the change in his appearance so much as the…sensation people felt around him. Howard claimed not to feel it, and Erskine died before he could weigh in. Peggy felt it, but not in the way others did. To her, he seemed otherworldly, but like an angel or a religious vision – comforting under a layer of unreality. She even liked the strange black pupils he’d developed, so big and dark you could hardly see the whites of his eyes at all. 

Others, however…. 

She didn’t see him pull the Hydra agent out of the submarine after Erskine’s assassination. Only three people did – a cab driver, a little boy, and the boy’s mother. The cab driver wouldn’t say a word, and the boy’s mother stuttered and stammered so badly they finally gave up. The little boy just said, “Well, he got him,” and looked admiringly at Steve. 

Steve wasn’t wet, but the submarine lay on the deck of the pier, and the man next to it was dead, a rictus of horror on his face. 

(There is a readmore below! Read more!)

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Coffee Shop AUs I need as someone who works in a coffee shop

AUs where both of them are baristas:

  • AU where business is really slow so Person A and Person B start doodling on the hot sleeves for the cups and compete to see whose doodles the customers like better and then A starts doodling on B like hearts or some cute shit

  • The new manager (Person C) is an Asshole and is making them scrub the floor with bleach (been there, done that, it sucks) and they bond over complaining about C
  • Dealing !!! with annoying customers!!!! And standing up for each other/bonding over the assholes! Example annoying customers from my experience as a barista:
    • That customer who orders a cappuccino not knowing what it is and then getting upset when its not a latte (u baristas out there feel me)
    • when you run out of somehthing (like cold brew or the sodas in the cooler)  and they ask you to look in the back and then throw a fit bc they don’t get what they want (this happened to me once, a grown ass man threw a tantrum bc we didn’t have milk for his goddam cookies tf)
    • when you make them wait for more than two seconds to take their order/ make their drink and they get pissy
    • when its slow and the customer watches you make the drink and start making comments like bitch let me do mmy job
  • Person A and B don’t normally work the same shift but A is covering for C and goddam, B is fucking cute
  • when there’s a rush and the cafe is understaffed so its just A and B and they have to work together to make like seventeen drinks and personal space stops existing bc you gotta get those drinks made ASAP ( I can’t count the amount of times my coworkers and i have been all up in each other;s space trying to work around each other to make drinks). Bonus points if A is already pining for B and is getting flustered about close quarters. Extra bonus points if B notices and starts being a llittle shit about it and gets even more in A’s space ;)))
  • bonding over making fun of ridiculously specific drink orders (not until the customer is gone tho don’t be rude)
  • A is new and B teaches them how to make drinks and shows them the ropes and maybe starts flirting bc the newbie is a hottie ;)
  • when the rest of their coworkers + manager ship it
  • When regular customer (Person C) comes in and makes chit chat and assumes A and B are dating and one (or both) get flustered
  • CLOSING TOGETHER AND BEING ABANDONED BY THEIR COWORKERS TO CLEAN THE FUCKKNG DISHES AND IT TAKES FOREVER AND THEY BOND OVER THE FACT THAT THEIR COWORKERS ARE ASSHOLES WHO LEFT THEM ALL THE CLEANING TO DO
  • I need more coffee shops AUswhere theyre both baristas @ fanfic writers pls
Quotes I've Said While Reading Fics PT. 4

*thinking to myself* Oh god, how do I respond? How does one respond when your mother asks what you’re reading. I’m reading smut, mom.
*Out loud* Oh, just an online story.

“She seems too nice. This won’t end well…”
“FUCK, I WAS RIGHT.”

“I can’t even focus on the words, it’s 2 am, the screen is swimming. I need to go to bed.”

“Oh! I know the perfect song to go with this chapter!”

“Did you make a fucking Frozen reference? Followed by a Mean Girls reference? No.”

“That’s inaccurate.”

“What is punctuation? This person doesn’t know.”

“This is just words. Where are the paragraphs?”

“This isn’t proper grammar or spelling. Stop it. Get some help.”

“Wow, what a sick burn!” *Ironically dabs*

“In the words of Daniel James Howell: back thE FUCK UP.”

“Don’t these characters know that death is bad for someone’s health?”

“Oh my god! Clean and sharpen your knife! If you keep using it without proper care, it won’t kill people as easily!” *Whispers* “I’m sane, I promise.”

“I swear if he does what I think he will, I’m throwing my phone.”

“I’M THROWING MY PHONE.”
“I’m talking to myself, shit.”

Coming across a very VERY smutty fanfic be like
  • <p> <b>Me:</b> Oh my GOD wHaT tHe HeLl this is nasty this is wayyyy too much i am an innocent child of God i must protect thine eyes<p/><b>Me:</b> ...<p/><b>Me:</b> Okay, let me just see HOW nasty this is. It can't be THAT bad.<p/></p>
Things in fanfic I will never tire of reading or writing:

1. Draco finding out that Harry was almost Sorted into Slytherin.
2. Harry seeing Draco’s Sectumsempra scars.
3. Draco being a snarky lil shit to disguise his attraction.
4. Draco being a vulnerable, snarky lil shit when it’s revealed.
5. Oblivious Harry.
6. Ron finding out. (Preferably in the most embarrassing way possible.)
7. Protective Harry.
8. Supportive Ron and Hermione.
9. Pansy and Blaise teasing Draco.
10. Any references to Harry’s messy hair.
11. Draco being unexpectedly kind.
12. Harry realizing that Draco can be unexpectedly kind.
13. Wand sharing.
14. First kisses, especially if it surprises them both.
15. Powerful Harry and Controlled Draco.
16. Secret, semi-public snogging.
17. Draco finding out about Harry’s childhood.
18. Party games in the eighth year dorms
19. Grudging, sincere compliments.
20. And oh, yeah: rimming.