Ex-Probs

“Well, what color do you think I should go with? I was thinking maybe like a bubblegum pink.”

Today my ex who broke my heart had the nerve to text me. Well I dont even know if it was her they said it was luis which is the guy who she was on a date with the day she dumped me.  They had the nerve to do it. So I sent them a picture of me and my new girlfriend flicking them off. They never texted back. Its the best way to end that shit.

things are starting to feel a lot better. youre stuff is gone. that giant weight is now off my shoulders. i found out that youre still slightly hung up on me/our relationship. and to make everything better, im on your graduation vacation that you never even found out about. although i still miss things and i still miss you, im really starting to feel like everythings coming up roses and this is the best feeling in the world :)

Maybe you shouldn’t come back
Maybe you shouldn’t come back to me
Tired of being so sad,
Tired of getting so mad, baby
Stop right now,
You’ll only let me down, oh, oh
Maybe you shouldn’t come back
Maybe you shouldn’t come back to me
To me
—  Shouldn’t Come Back - Demi
fml, i did it again.

 I found myself once again back in my ex’s arms tonight. I’ve been telling myself to get over him, just move on & i did to a point. One phone call is all it took tonight, just one. He wanted to see me, since we haven’t seen each other in over a month, so told him sure. I was expecting awkwardness, and arguing. Instead it was a long needed hug, “ i miss you’s” & amazing kisses that i’ve missed so much.

It’s like those old feelings came back like when we first started dating, but i know it’s long gone but it was nice to get a little reminder on how it felt. We talked about how things are going with him, and how i’m doing. He told me he knows he pissed me off pretty good, and was sorry for everything. But no apology, nothing can take back what he’s done.

 Next thing i know is that i’m caught up in the moment, he knows how to get to me & he takes full advantage of it. I mean it feels right, but it also feel so wrong. I ended up sleeping with him, when i kept telling myself i wouldn’t. There’s something about him, i just can’t let go. I feel like the girl im supposed to be when we’re together, but i also know being with him will get me no where.

 I’ve been screwed over, cheated on and all that. So im sitting here right now asking myself “ Why the fuck did i just do that?!”  Things aren’t the same, things have changed. I’m not missing out on anything, yeah i miss the kisses & falling asleep in his arms, the cuddling. But there’s more to relationships that sex. He cheated, he didn’t put me first. I deserve a good guy who will be there for me and treat me right. 

 i’m way too emotional with this guy, but im letting go. I shouldn’t of did that tonight, but i guess it’s just a reminder on feelings lost.

 I’m such an idiot.