Matt is actually funny.
  • Interviewer:Real quickly, what is the question you're guaranteed to get from fans at the Harry Potter Celebration?
  • Rupert Grint:Do you still see Daniel and Emma?
  • Katie Leung:What was it like kissing Harry Potter?
  • Matthew Lewis:Why have you got that stupid mustache?
  • Evanna Lynch:Just, how are you liking Florida?
My Harry Potter Theory:

The series isn’t really about a bunch of magic kids. It’s not even about kids. The entire Harry Potter series is a metaphor for the faking of the Apollo moon landings.

It seems like a long shot at first but when you analyze the story, characters, and activities behind the scenes, it actually becomes completely obvious.

Examples from within the books:

Harry Potter is clearly named after Harold Porter, NASA’s most proficient young developer. Porter’s parents were killed in a car crash, as Harry’s adoptive parents tell him his were. Porter had a scar in the shape of a lightning bolt on his torso, Harry has one on his head. Porter was taken care of until adulthood by Bob Dursley, one of NASA’s caretakers who was notoriously fired for telling a “Japanese Golfer” joke, which is referenced in Chamber of Secrets.

Speaking of a “Chamber of Secrets,” that was the code name for the rocket engine development building. The “Philosopher’s Stone” was the code name for the F-X engine of the Saturn V rocket, which was itself code named “The Phoenix” as in Order of the Phoenix. NASA’s head in the 1960s was Loris Umbridge, and he was called “The Half Blood Prince” by his detractors in reference to his need for constant blood transfusions due to hemophilia, which he had because he was from a royal bloodline. One of his most famous insults was to call Kennedy’s vision, “Deadly hollow.”

Hermione Granger is a portmanteau of three space travel terms, Granger’s point referring to part of an orbit, Hermes Point referring to the opposite vector, and Ion-E, the fuel of the Saturn V Rocket. Ronald Weasley is more simply named for Robert Weaselby (The name is actually used in the book as a character’s mistake) who designed the Apollo orbit patterns.

Hogwarts campus is clearly based on the NASA compound. It has a Quidditch Pitch (The famous Quidllewich Football Stadium near NASA grounds), it has a giant’s hut (Giant’s hut was the term for the large tower in which the rockets were assembled), It has moving stairs (The Gantry), and four houses- Gryffindor (Fox Griffin’s training team), Ravenclaw (Hans Ravenclaus’s jet propulsion team), Slytherin (Billy “Snake” Jones’s lunar recon team) and Hufflepuff (NASA’s nickname for the team of Raoul Dunkard’s computer programmers, notorious stoners).

Albus Dumbledore is obviously President Kennedy. He was assassinated at the top of a book depository. He was a much beloved leader known for moving speeches. His brother, like Robert Kennedy, ran a bar in Hogsmeade, Robert Kennedy’s was in a town called Swinewine, Virginia. Both had sisters who died in their youth and both had lovers named Grindelwald- That was Marilyn Monroe’s maiden name before she married Arthur Dimaggio Monroe, her first husband.

Voldemort’s name cannot be spoken. The same was true of Kennedy’s rival, Leonid Kruschev, the Tsar of Russia in the 1960s. Voldemort was obsessed with living forever- Kruschev had a famous speech about the cosmonaut program living forever. Voldemort in one scene takes off his shoe and bangs it on a table- Kruschev did the same. Voldemort’s real name was Tom Riddle- So was Kruschev’s (Tomas Zagadka (Riddle in Russian)). The two were also both fond of snakes.

Spells- Avada Kedavra is a reference to Abracadabra, NASA’s kill code to stop a launch in an emergency. Crucio is a reference to the Cruciatus program, which determined the launch vector. Wingardium Leviosa is a reference to the Wing guard Levitator, a critical component of the Saturn V. Sectumsempra- Literally unchanged from the name of the module release mechanism, the sectumsempra which jettisoned used rocket components. Felix Felicis is also the latin term for one of the Saturn V’s propulsion fluids.

Remus Lupin’s fear of the moon. Lupin is clearly Neil Armstrong, both were even played by David Thewlis on film. Buzz Aldrin is represented by Sirius Black, both were murdered by women named Bellatrix. And get this- Just like Severus Snape, Michael Collins had a crush on a woman named Lilly Evans who died before he entered the space program on invitation from Kennedy (Dumbledore) specifically to protect Harold Porter (Potter’s namesake) from Kruschev (Voldemort). The two notoriously didn’t get along, just as in the book, but the latter would later name his daughter after the former, just as in the book.

But that’s all circumstantial right? Not when you look at the story behind the scenes.

Few people know that J.K. Rowling was born Joanne K. Armstrong- Neil’s daughter. This gave her personal access to the Apollo missions. She eventually took the name of her estranged father, Stanley Rowling- A movie director known in the late 60s for his epic space film, “1999: A Star Iliad” which depicted a lunar landing in realistic detail. One that looked suspiciously like the “real” landing.

Fewer people know that Chris Columbus, the coincidentally named director of the first two Harry Potter films, was Kennedy’s nephew. The screenwriter for the films, Steve Kloves, is the son of Jason Kloves and Jeanne Kloves, who worked unknown jobs for the pentagon in the late 1960s during the space program. Richard Harris, who first played Dumbledore, was an intern at NASA during Apollo. And finally, Daniel Radcliffe himself has a connection to the space program- His uncle’s pet monkey was the first chimp shot into space. That chimp returned safely to Earth and was quite famous for several years. Ask most adults and they’ll have heard of the famous Radcliffe Chimp. Essentially, the books and movies were all made by NASA insiders and their children.

Finally, the unquestionable proof:

Luna Lovegood. Whose name means “The Moon.” Whose father is obsessed with weird conspiracy theories. Who is captured by the Death Eaters (NASA slang for the media) and rescued by Dobby (Dobby is the name of the broadcast system that sent images of the moon back to Earth) and recuperates at a cottage made of shells (Shell Cabin was the name of a movie studio in Florida at the time) where she meets Olivander the wand maker (A reference to Olive Anders, who is said by many to have scripted the fake landing) and who later directs Potter to the Ravenclaw Diadem (Diadem being Hans Ravenclaus’s term for the launch propulsion system) which contains a Horcrux (Odd term huh, sound familiar? That’s because it’s a Hollywood term for faked footage. 7 Apollo missions, 7 Horcruxes.) that’s destroyed by Crabbe’s fiendfyre (Fiendfyre being the name of the Russian space program, run by a man named Goyle Crabbe of Ukraine) resulting in the fall of Voldemort (Krushchev was driven out of office- By a competitor named Sasha Scrimgeour) and the freedom of the boy who lived- Harold Porter of NASA, who just so happens to be none other than the father of Evanna Michael Collins Lynch- The actress who plays Luna Lovegood in the films.

Not to mention the dedication in the first edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: “This book is dedicated to my father Neil Armstrong, who faked the lunar landing.”

Luna Lovegood’s love is a GOOD kind of love. It is not conditional or possessive or needy or demanding. It doesn’t fall apart the moment you expose a piece of yourself that is unconventional or even unbecoming. Luna is a character who accepts all people and creatures in all forms, loves them for exactly what they are and who is constantly in awe at the diversity, strangeness and newness of each being she encounters. Did you ever wonder why she stares openly, unblinkingly and for uncomfortable periods of time at people? It’s because she is literally falling in love with an odd shaped freckle on their nose, the quirky way they pronounce ‘asked’, the uncontainable awkwardness they can’t hide for a beat longer under such loving scrutiny. And lastly the only way Luna can be quintessentially Luna is because she loves and accepts herself fully.

If Luna were to condemn and villify such an intrinsic human thing as our sexuality and see ANY colour of it as wrong she would not sit so comfortably within herself and she would not be who we know and love. Luna is someone who has always taught me to love myself and I don’t know what you are doing on my instagram, facebook or twitter helping others feel awful about the way they are. If you are one of the people who bred hate or revulsion or shame on my instagram post today then you clearly haven’t thought very deeply about what I or Luna Lovegood represent and it’s time for you to unfollow.

Potter cast remember Alan Rickman at A Celebration of Harry Potter. (January 29th, 2016)

Let me go cry in a corner, again.