The Signs As Iconic Criminal Minds Quotes:

I took inspiration from this post here by the lovely @ilikepipecleanerswitheyes and so this is kinda a part 2!

Aries: “You’re my bitch now.”

Taurus: “I get shot in the leg and I don’t get any cookies?”

Gemini: “I can’t help it, I love dairy.”

Cancer: “Baby girl, you’re on speaker.”

Leo: “You look like a pipe cleaner with eyes! I could snap you like a twig!”

Virgo: “How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

Libra: “You, my fine furry friends, are welcome.”

Scorpio: “Talk dirty to me.”

Sagittarius: “Hotch, I was a twelve-year-old child prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school. You kick like a nine-year-old girl.”

Capricorn: “Can I borrow the jet?”

Aquarius: “Hey, hardhead… don’t make me spank you when I get back.”

Pisces: Where’s my big black twelve pack?

10

Aaron Hotchner & Emily Prentiss: A History

From him not wanting her there, to her quiting her job to save his and him convincing her to go back with him, passing by the time he sent her away to save her life, to all the times he asked her to return, to the very last time, when he requests that it be her the one to take his place as the BAU Unit Chief. (and so many more things in the middle)

Criminal Minds Asks

Aaron Hotchner: What is something you will always fight for?

Spencer Reid: What accomplishment do you take the most pride in?

Derek Morgan: What is your greatest strength?

David Rossi: Which do you think hurts worse, saying something and wishing you hadn’t or saying nothing and wishing you had?

Emily Prentiss: Do you believe in true love?

Jennifer Jareau: Who is most important to you? Why?

Penelope Garcia: What do you think makes you stand out among those around you?

Alex Blake:  What is your dream career? Why?

Tara Lewis: Do you believe in karma?

Erin Strauss: What is your greatest pet peeve? Why?

Jason Gideon: If you could go back in time, what is something you would change?

Luke Alvez: Dogs or cats? Why?

Kate Callahan: Describe your ideal lazy day.

Elle Greenaway: What advice would you want to hear if you were going through a rough time?

Jordan Todd: Have you ever felt as though you had to prove yourself to someone? If so, how did it turn out for you?

Stephen Walker: What inspired you to do what you’re doing now?

Criminal Minds Headcanons/Character Descriptions
  • Emily Prentiss: not-so-secretly a spy, pretends to be past her emo phase- is actually still really emo, speaks 458379803854 languages, lowkey ninja, super chill, the older sister, drives with the windows down, straight up eats ice cubes for no reason, listens to emo music in her room, quiet in a loud sort of way, her laugh is actual magic, wears too much black to be considered healthy, always just a little bit angry, really bad at being the designated driver (always ends up being the most drunk), always up for a good party, cats are her spirit animal, deepest desire is to be a crazy cat lady, knows how to hold her licquor freakishly well, turns 21 every year, cooler than everybody else
  • JJ: eats cheetos like oxygen, little sister/middle child, hair is always perfect, can eat all the junk food she wants without gaining any weight, can kill you with his ninja hands, smells really nice, somehow knows everybody's secrets, good listener, smiles a lot, just really wants to fall in love one day, the popular cheerleader that everybody actually likes, listens to indie music, never not fabulous, wants to have a ton of kids, brings home strays without telling anyone, always the first to volunteer to take care of the class pet
  • Penelope Garcia: that weird neighbor kid that's just always around, nicknamed "the baking grandma" because of the inexplicable way she has of always having baked goods on hand, "Garcia's the name, and witty comebacks are my game", perfect ray of sunshine, an actual human rainbow, everybody has to have at least one pefectly peculiar nickname, will kill you with her ninja-hugs, has a gigantically beautiful sparkling smile, bright pink lipstick, wears too many colors at once, really good at helping you through a breakup, butterscotches in her purse, might be a grandma, computer nerd, can beat anybody at video games, afraid of guns, tries to be tough but doesn't know how, would wear pure glitter if she could, doesn't have a favorite color because if she chose then she would feel bad for all the other colors (it's actually pink)
  • Hotch: the undeniable dad, loves everybody equally, shows people love without words, you know you're in trouble when he gives you one of his famous "hotch glares", only really laughs when he's with the people he loves, his smile will make your knees weak, likes to spoon, strong and silent type, always wears suits for no reason, works too much, secretly a sinnamon bun, will kill you if you mess with the people he loves, cares too much, the proud dad, shows up to ALL recitals and shows, equally passionate and compassionate, crazy good at his job, nobody knows his secrets, secretly amazing at throwing surprise parties, can not bake to save his life, his smile is like the moon and the stars combined, tries to make dad jokes and fails
  • Spencer Reid: king of the dorks, the precious little brother, must be protected at all costs, obsessed with Halloween, plans Halloween an actual year ahead of time, drinks coffee through an IV, book worm, facts, books make him feel safe, refuses to play video games, thinks he's tough but is actually a precious cinnamon bun, owns too many sweaters, purple is definitely his favorite color, apologizes too much, drinks a lot of water, lost count of the number of PhDs he has a long time ago, awkward, never knows what to say, bad social skills, social anxiety, chess tournaments make him happy, eats a lot of cake, owns a scooter
  • Derek Morgan: the amazing big brother, looks out for everyone else before himself, kicks the bullies in the nuts, burgers and fries all the time, captain of the football team but also organizes fundraisers for the needy, likes working out, shovels neighbors' sidewalks/ mows neighbors' lawns without asking, loves and appreciates dogs, lowkey believes that cats are the anti-christ, helps old people cross the street, grocery store runs are always his job, goes on long bike rides just to think
  • David Rossi: aka Captain Sass, the weird uncle, nosy but he's rich so it's okay, DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO STAY IN HIS LANE, always offers to babysit but he has no idea how children work, has so many stories that just can't be true but actually are, thinks he's cool and hip- might actually be but tbd still, somehow knows all, shows up at random times, can cook REALLY REALLY WELL, super Italian, thrives on pasta
  • Jason Gideon: crazy bird guy that lives across the street, makes pecan squares that he thinks are amazing but actually aren't, secretly paints in his basement (like Bob Ross-level paintings), people watches from his front window, awkward pats on the back, doesn't always understand social cues, throws A+ garage sales, yells at other people for not raking the leaves off their lawn in the fall, raises chickens without telling anyone
  • Elle Greenaway: can stab you with a knife, a gun, a chainsaw, and a machete all at the same time, mean older sister, WILL call you on your shit, thinks about death too much, everybody is afraid of her, skipped the emo phase, somehow came out of the womb a traumatized adult, 100% feminist, steals your food when you're not looking, doesn't like hugs, says it like it is, wears a lot of necklaces, confusing, has a thing for a guy in a uniform
  • Kate Callahan: has a lot of friends, seems really badass until she starts gushing about baby animals, volunteers at animal shelters, sorority sister, infinitely loyal, loves everybody until she hates them, knows how to appreciate the simple things, 5'2" of rage and fury and love, pure emotion, loves to cuddle, sometimes people confuse her, just wants to make the world a better place, hates vegetables but eats them anyway, drinks a lot of chocolate milk
  • Alex Blake: reads a lot, blue is her favorite color, went to college earlier than normal, a beautiful nerd, a rare species, deserves the world but gets a cup of coffee instead, underestimated, knows how and when to pull out the sass, ends up being the babysitter on all occasions, more mature than she should be, extremely level-headed, knows how to read between the lines really well, accepts everything thrown her way, underappreciated, needs to be told she's loved more often, breakfast is her favorite meal of the day, makes a lot of sandwiches for no reason at all
  • Tara Lewis: the cousin that everybody always forgets about, gets left behind on family outings and everybody has to go back to get her- she's strangely okay with it, just wants some kettle corn or cotton candy, puts ketchup on everything, shows up at colleges she's never been to just to party, okay with anything as long as she has a say, will talk to anybody, likes getting to know people, would totally speed-date, likes to watch old stand-up comedy and slam poetry videos on YouTube
  • Erin Strauss: won't admit that she's the mom, proud of all her children, owns 8 million sweatshirts from her alma mater that she constantly wears, kinda lonely but will never admit it, hates cooking with a passion, loves wine a little too much, seriously appreciates a good towel, would sell her soul for a massage
6

finally finished with the ladies of criminal minds

I just realized something: Reid has a grief color. Whenever someone close to him dies, he’s wearing purple.

The wife of the leader of this team who has always welcomed them with a smiling face and open arms? Purple.

His best friend in whom he confides his fears and his desires and who’s usually down to watch all five (5) hours of Solaris in it’s original Russian? Purple.

The love of his life, and the only one who really understands Thomas Martin? Purple.

Boss lady who was lowkey a witch but really did mean well and loved all of her idiotic FBI children? Purple.

Distant, kind-of-a-dick, king of chess? Purple.

Cute Work Things

A/N: This was an anon request that wanted Spencer and the reader to be in a relationship and the reader to constantly do cute little things at work. It was a slightly vague request, so it’s super fluffy and not much story. I also switched perspectives between Spencer and the Reader. Hope you enjoy - and keep the requests coming! 

                                                   ——————–

She was always one to do cute things, sometimes inappropriate things, around the office. But everything Y/N did made him love her even more. Early that morning, she’d grabbed him coffee on the way into work, adorning his cup with a little missive - as she did every day - along with a little heart and smiley face.

She was painfully cute; he couldn’t help but smile as she passed him his coffee and kissed him on the top of the head before walking to her desk to finish the previous case’s paperwork.

Hours later, after the monotony of paperwork had driven her to the brink of insanity, Y/N asked Spencer if he wanted to go pick up lunch from the deli nearby. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were drawn, as if the paperwork had slowly been sucking out all of her energy through her eyes, and her mouth was hanging open in exasperation. But to Spencer, she always looked beautiful. Her very being exuded through her skin.

She jumped up from the desk, excited at the prospect of food, and bear-hugged JJ from behind as she was headed outside to make a phone call to Will. After a brief gasp, she realized who had come up behind her and reached her hand back and patted Y/N’s head, giving her a kiss on the cheek. 

“Give our love to Will,” Y/N said, grabbing Spencer’s hand, entwining it with his, and practically skipping to the elevator, the lure of a deli sandwich pushing her forward.

                                            ————————

After lunch, you finally felt better. The salami and provolone sandwich with lettuce and tomato was sitting happily in your stomach. Begrudgingly, you sat back down to attack the rest of your paperwork with renewed vigor. Lunch might have helped your mood, but this paperwork was just as boring and never-ending as it had been this morning. If anyone interrupted you, they might have to face your wrath - packaged in a 5′2″ 125-pound frame. You might be cute, but you could easily kick anyone’s ass. 

Spencer looked your way with a knowing glance.

About an hour later, Derek approached you from behind, not noticing the death glare you were giving when you first sat back down at your desk. With just the slightest touch, he grazed the back of your neck. He was intending to give you a hug, but the slight graze made you feel as if a bug had landed on your neck. You thought it was a spider. You hated spiders. 

With one swift motion, you smacked your hand back (accidentally hitting Derek square in the face), jumped up from your chair, kicked it back (hitting him right in the balls) and smacked the nearest person to you, which happened to be Garcia, who had just entered the room.

“Hey!” Garcia shrieked, “What did I do?”

“Oh, babe, I’m sorry,” you said, regretting that she had been hit. You gave her a hug, trying to assuage your guilt. It was only at this point that you noticed Derek slightly hunched over, attempting to breathe through the pain.

“Oh my god,” you gasped, “Did I hit you in the…?”

At that, you heard Spencer inhale hard. He was laughing so violently, he almost forgot to breathe.

Derek exhaled, “Yea, Y/N, you did. Ow.” Spencer was practically choking.

“Oh, babe, you make me laugh,” Spencer cackled. “That’s why I love you.”

“Thanks, kid. My family jewels have been damaged and you’re over here laughing,” Derek chuckled.

Speaking through your hands, which you had clasped over your mouth, “Derek, I’m so sorry! Can I give you one of my amazing hugs to make up for it?”

He’d forgotten it already. He knew it was an accident. “Of course, Y/N,” he smiled - that trademarked Derek Morgan smile, “but it better be a good one.” 

                                            ————————

It was nearing the end of the day. One that had been filled with routine and monotony and you were just about to lose it.

Smack.

A resounding thud echoed throughout the bullpen. Derek buried his head in hands, laughing. Aaron just shook his head, trying to hide a smirk on his way back to the office - and JJ and Emily were rocking back and forth laughing and trying not to cry. Garcia had unfortunately missed the whole thing. You did this frequently- smacking your boyfriend’s ass in the middle of work, so you weren’t quite sure why everyone was reacting more than they normally did.

Until you turned around.

Standing there, with her eyebrow raised, was Chief Strauss.

You were convinced she didn’t like you when you first started - a feeling everyone apparently had when they began - but she’d gotten used to your personality at this point. You weren’t shy. You weren’t one to censor yourself. It was one of the reasons you and Spencer worked so well together as a couple. Opposites attract. At least to an extent, it was true. 

“What?” you asked incredulously, trying to get Strauss to reveal the smile she was suppressing. You shrugged your hands and flipped your head back, “I like my boyfriend’s butt, what can I tell you?”

She tried to intensify her stare, but it wasn’t working. You could see through the mask - as much as she hated anyone being able to see through it. She oversaw profilers, what did she expect.

You leaned up to kiss Spencer on the cheek as Emily and JJ wiped the tears from their eyes and Derek attempted to get back to work. “Hey, at least there’s no one important in the office today, Chief? No one to impress.” Spencer watched you as you walked toward the file room, wondering how he had landed someone as weird and as wonderful as you. You turned around and saw him glancing at your butt. He figured he might return the favor one day; he’d definitely make sure Strauss wasn’t around though.

He wasn’t that bold. That was your territory.

What we should be really calling them
  • JJ: Hot tamale
  • Emily: What a babe !!!
  • Penelope Garcia: Pure innocent beauty aka human rainbow
  • Hotch: Sexy boss-man
  • Spencer Reid: The Adorable Mess™
  • Derek Morgan: Chocolate thunder
  • David Rossi: Italian Stallion- Father of sass
  • Jason Gideon: Crazy bird guy
  • Elle Greenaway: The Adorable Mess's™ sassy older sister
  • Alex Blake: "Smarter-Than-The-Rest" (except for The Adorable Mess™)
  • Kate Callahan: Badass/Sweetie combo master
  • Tara Lewis: Perfectly Professional Badass
  • Erin Strauss: Mother of all agents