The world must be ending. The Enquirer published a story (mostly) free of grammatical errors…not to mention one I’m compelled to share!
If Judgment Day is indeed Saturday, as some believe, perhaps there’s no better place to be than Cincinnati.
That’s what 31-year-old Jonathan Goolsby of Clifton figures, citing the quote often attributed to Mark Twain, but never verified: “When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it’s always 20 years behind the times.”
“If the rapture does happen (Saturday), will it actually happen here in Cincinnati, or will we get a 20-year grace period while everyone else is dying?” Goolsby wondered. “I guess we’ll have to call Indianapolis or Columbus and see if they pick up.”
Either way, Goolsby is prepared. The co-host of a radio show called Salina Underground on the low-power station WVQC-FM (at 95.7 and online at www.wvqc.org), he’s preparing a two-hour “Apocalypse Wow!” radio special for 9-11 a.m. Saturday. The set list likely will include songs such as “The End” by the Doors, the protest song “Eve of Destruction” and the “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” movie theme.
Not many Greater Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky residents - including religious leaders - seem to be counting on the rapture whisking Christians to heaven at 6 p.m. Saturday (local time in each of the world’s time zones) and the end of the world coming in October. That’s what evangelical radio broadcaster Harold Camping has predicted, after making mathematical calculations he based on the Bible, and advertised on billboards around the country, including in Cincinnati.
In fact, many are poking fun at the prediction, with radio shows, rapture-themed parties and performances and seemingly endless jokes on Twitter and Facebook, where an event called “Post rapture looting” had more than half a million people attending as of Friday afternoon (and nearly 50,000 “maybe attending”).
In Cincinnati, end-of-the-world themed parties are planned at bars including Bar Seventy-One in Symmes Township and the Northside Tavern. Presented by Queen City Cabaret, the Northside Tavern event includes a burlesque troupe called Cirque Airotic, the Faux Frenchmen gypsy jazz quartet, magician Robbin Marks, the Pickled Brothers Circus and other acts. Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the door for the 9 p.m. show.
“Of course, if any of the performers are raptured, the show may be shorter,” said event co-producer Travis Fessler, also general manager of the Pickled Brothers Circus.
The Cincinnati Atheists Meetup Group plans to spend Saturday night taking in a comedy show at 7:30 p.m. at Go Bananas in Montgomery, followed by an after-rapture party at 5:30 p.m. Sunday at the Washington Platform restaurant downtown. Organizer Adam Collins of Harrison said it likely won’t be the last rapture party the group will have.
“When (Camping) is wrong (Saturday), he’ll come up with another date,” he said. “It’ll give us another reason to have a good time.”
Some local religious leaders, while not necessarily planning to party Saturday, don’t believe Camping’s prediction, either.
Dan Andriacco, spokesman for the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, pointed to various Bible verses that state that no one can know exactly when Judgment Day will arrive, such as Matthew 25:13: “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming.”
“Personally, I’m making plans for beyond Saturday,” he said.
Answers in Genesis, the nonprofit ministry that built the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Ky., also cited those verses in a long written response to Camping’s predictions that is online at www.answersingenesis.org. The site calls Camping a “false prophet.”
“The Bible makes it perfectly clear that only God has perfect knowledge of the future, and this includes knowledge of the exact date of Christ’s return,” the statement says. “We are to be ready and watching, and we are to stay awake and alert, but we are not to make predictions about when it will happen.”
As for Goolsby, he’ll also be ready and watching too, just in case the rapture and any subsequent looting does take place.
“I’m definitely attending that,” he said. “I need a new turntable.”