I’m vegetarian and my ex-boyfriend was always against it so when we broke up he’d always send me pictures of animals dying and being slaughtered.In revenge I used his email address to sign up to lots of vegan newsletters now he gets 23 weekly newsletters that he can’t stop because he can’t log in and cancel them. Also I created a Facebook and used his mobile number. With the account I followed loads of vegan pages and turned on notifications so that he gets a text every time somebody posts on the page. Don’t mess with me
lets get personal: send me a number 1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? 2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. 4: What do you think about most? 5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? 6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? 7: What’s your strangest talent? 8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) 9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? 10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? 11: Do you have any strange phobias? 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? 13: What’s your religion? 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? 17: What was the last lie you told? 18: Do you believe in karma? 19: What does your URL mean? 20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? 21: Who is your celebrity crush? 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? 23: How do you vent your anger? 24: Do you have a collection of anything? 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? 28: What’s your biggest “what if”? 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell? 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? 35: To you, what is the meaning of life? 36: Define Art. 37: Do you believe in luck? 38: What’s the weather like right now? 39: What time is it? 40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? 41: What was the last book you read? 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? 43: Do you have any nicknames? 44: What was the last film you saw? 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? 46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? 47: Do you have any obsessions right now? 48: What’s your sexual orientation? 49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? 50: Do you believe in magic? 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? 52: What is your astrological sign? 53: Do you save money or spend it? 54: What’s the last thing you purchased? 55: Love or lust? 56: In a relationship? 57: How many relationships have you had? 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? 59: Where were you yesterday? 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? 61: Are you wearing socks right now? 62: What’s your favourite animal? 63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? 64: Where is your best friend? 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. 66: What is your heritage? 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? 69: Biggest turn ons? 70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? 77: How can I win your heart? 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? 80: What size shoes do you wear? 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? 82: What is your favourite word? 83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. 84: What is a saying you say a lot? 85: What’s the last song you listened to? 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? 87: What is your current desktop picture? 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? 90: Turn offs? 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? 92: where are your parents from? 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? 94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? 96: Do you have any relatives in jail? 97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? 98: Ever been on a plane? 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say
we regret, again, to inform you
that your poem did not remind us
of anyone we have loved
we read your poem to someone
who we had once kissed
and their entire memory vanished
we read your poem to our mothers
and we became a little more unborn
with each line
Hanif Abdurraqib, “Poems From An Email Exchange,” published on Medium
I’m working on a project, clearing the ten-ish years of email archives out of my gmail, since my email takes up a full 12 gigs of the 15 gigs I’m allowed. Because I don’t want to read every email individually (and I know I’ve deleted most of those I would like to delete) I looked up methods of archiving Gmail accounts wholesale.
It turns out one of the more effective solutions for non-programmers is to install the Mozilla Thunderbird email client, hook it up to Gmail, download everything into Thunderbird, and then use an archival add-on to save it to your hard drive. But in order to do that, you do have to download everything into Thunderbird first. It’s an automated process, you just click “All Mail” and watch it go, but it still takes time. Which is why I am currently on message three thousand of roughly a hundred and three thousand emails.
When our generation begins to leave our papers to libraries and universities, it’s gonna get real interesting real fast, you guys.
my friend Amy messaged me a photo of a product label
just a dumb photo shared with a couple friends, sure.
in retrospect these look mean but you’ve got to trust me here, we’re just three dummies fascinated with a hotmail email address printed on a label.
so I figure I’ll write this company a silly email real quick, asking them a very dumb but easy question. I’m not trying to be mean here. (I try to be kind whenever possible.)
here’s the email:
Amy and Andrew are not happy with me
and honestly i don’t understand why they’re mad at me.
but somehow it hadn’t clicked yet
I should mention, despite all the talk about syrup and pancakes, I sincerely thought I’d just emailed an apple juice company. despite the words “syrup” and “pancakes” getting thrown around, I guess I saw that yellow label and that sugar content and thought, “yep, definitely apple juice” and then wrote an email to a small maple syrup company to tell them “i’m lovin that juice” and “what type of apples are in the juice” like a proper idiot
In my attempt to be silly, I ended up being kind of mean, so i sent a followup email to hopefully make up for the first email:
i am stupid. and i hope i didn’t annoy the apple juice company maple syrup company too much
A: “What’s your email?” B: “It’s just my name @ Gmail.” A: “You young kids and your crazy email names. Back in MY day if you didn’t have four numbers and a video game reference in your email you just weren’t 1337.”