If each event consisted of its beginning, its becoming real, and its completion, you would prefer the beginning because there desire wins out over pleasure. In their beginnings, events preserve the potential that they lose in their completion. Desire prolongs itself so long as it is not achieved. As for pleasure, it signals the death of desire, and soon of pleasure itself. It’s strange that while loving beginnings, you terminated yourself: suicide is an end. Did you consider it a beginning?
You did not think that, when they conceived you, your parents were any more reasonable than you currently were. Guessing at the selfishness and the levity of their decision distressed you. So you came to believe that you had been less desired for what you were than for what they imagined you would be. You felt like an impostor, because you knew that, though you had not disappointed them, you never resembled the dreams they had built around you.
While employing the established language of filmed sex the scene evokes the absent, the subjects’ faces hidden just as their sexual organs are.
Explanation is withheld also. Clinically cold and bland, the environment is stifling to even regard, the characters appearing profoundly alienated even as they mock intimacy. Being a portrait (or rather non-portrait) without faces, encourages viewing the tableau as a dead-pan, geometric study in shape or even as a still-life. Reduced to the almost abstract, and lacking eroticism, the situation plays on the inherent absurdity of human sexual scenarios.
you prefered reading standing up in bookstores to reading sitting down in libraries. you wanted to discover today’s literature, not yesterday’s. the past belongs to libraries, the present to bookstores.
do you read a lot? of books? whats your favourite book-- or give me 10 of your favourites.
i work at a library ! i read a lot. all time top ten: life a users manual - georges perec, the diaries of paul klee, the lost lunar baedeker - mina loy, a humument - tom phillips, what about this: collected poems - frank stanford, essays in visions of excess: selected writings - georges bataille, suicide - edouard levé, poems 1960-1967 - denise levertov, the anatomy of melancholy - robert burton, speedboat - renata adler .. !