CI Harlem Shake

We asked and you delivered!  This turned out really awesome.  The dolphin was an outstanding choice.

A big thanks to Alex Flordelis for posting the video, and to Lexi Gaddis and Max Pido for putting together the Harlem Shake event!

When I was 4 I was playing Echo the Dolphin on Sega Genesis and I was at the password menu, just fucking around and punching in random numbers and letters and I ended up at the last boss level. I can’t tell you how much this level horrified me, I’ve been scared of deep water since. I haven’t seen this giant alien that spews out smaller aliens since I accidentally came across it almost 20 years ago and I’m probably going to have really gnarly nightmares tonight. FUCK. Hold me? :c

Grab One Of These SEGA 3DS Classics On Sale For $2.99 In NA

Grab One Of These SEGA 3DS Classics On Sale For $2.99 In NA

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If you are a SEGA fan living in North America then you are getting a steal — there are a slew of titles out on the Nintendo 3DS eShop going for $2.99.

These titles include:

  • Sonic the Hedgehog
  • Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master
  • Space Harrier
  • Street of Rage
  • Echo the Dolphin
  • Altered Beast
  • Super Hang-On
  • Galaxy Force II

Which one will you be picking up?

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Welcome To The Machine
  • Welcome To The Machine
  • Magyari András, Spencer N. Nilsen & Brian Coburn
  • Ecco the Dolphin

Welcome to the Machine

Ecco shudders as his sonar bounces back to him. They are inside an abnormally warm and smooth tube, and they are being pulled upward by a slow current.

With a sense of dread and terror threatening to overcome him, Ecco bursts forward, as fast as he can go. He must make it deeper within this tube and find a way to stop whatever it is that is going on.

Ecco soon realizes that the tube itself is semi transparent, and through the murky liquid he can see points of light all around him outside, some in familiar patterns of the stars. It looks as though he is in the night sky itself.

Dodging and maneuvering the debris caught in the tube proves to be difficult, but not impossible. Ecco notices this giant suction device didn’t discriminate. It had taken everything from the ocean, including sticks and rocks, and coral. In a brief moment, Ecco senses the tube widening gradually, and realizes that he is in a larger corridor.

The song in this place is menacing, hungry. It is wrong on a level that Ecco can’t comprehend. Though, he senses, it is a song, and a song must have a singer. Ecco is pondering the distant but all encompassing sound when-

The walls move in to crush him, Ecco dodges and barely darts through a narrowing passage. Just then a needle like point unfolds and glistens as it comes toward him on a ruddy metallic arm. Ecco flits to the side, and curls, missing the blade. Several more mechanisms threaten the dolphin, but he finds rest in a small alcove.

That song. All around him. Inside his mind! It is dark and ugly, tainted with malicious intent. But there is something else. There is something in the chamber with him. Something alive.

Ecco whirls around and fires the heaviest sound blast he can muster in the direction in which he felt a presence. The sound echoes through the dark chamber, painting a picture in Ecco’s mind.

He see’s the walls, covered in various small tunnels, the tub from whence he had come, and in front of him, shaking off the effects of Ecco’s powerful sonar, was a creature of unimaginable design. It’s long, gently curving head quivers, it’s glassy green eyes blinking in a daze. Mandible jaws lined with razor teeth open revealing a gaping maw. The four long arms, covered in bony spikes, sway side to side in the murky liquid, as it tries to maintain composure with it’s tapering, serpentine body. It’s eyes suddenly harden, and it snaps back to the moment.

Ecco rallies, and jets through one of the small holes in the wall, swimming his hardest deeper and deeper into the singing, moaning machine.

Echo the Dolphin was way too hard! It was old school NINTENDO hard! You’d think you were winning, but suddenly you’d run out of air, and gnomes would leap out of nowhere and stab you to death before telling you that your princess is in another castle, but that they’ve blown up the castle and you have to rescue pieces of her. Plus! Sonic stole your last ring, and you lost the race because Kirby ate you and your Konami code just didn’t work! Then there were the fucking sharks!
—  Ryan’s run-on commenting on my inability to beat Echo the Dolphin back in the day; I think he was telling me not to feel bad?

Bad news for Echo the Dolphin fans: The Big Blue did not reach its Kickstarter goal.

Creator Ed Annunziata says he’ll be back, though. According to his concession message, his the next Kickstarter will sport a lower goal and a more compelling explanation of the game’s concept.

Jurassic Park is the Greatest Movie. Ever.

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We got Dotson, here!

My parents didn’t want me to see Jurassic Park in the theaters.  They thought I was too young and would be frightened by all the adult elements.  So, naturally, I threw fits.  I threatened.  I even might have run away.  To prove to them I was mature enough, I read the Michael Crichton novel, three times.  I lied about understanding it.  I begged more. 

I was obsessed and as this blog entry will prove…I still am.

Growing up, my brother and I were always NES/Gameboy/SNES kids.  I mean, it was Nintendo EVERYTHING.


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at a certain point we got a Sega Genesis (16 bits of pure heaven) and I’m sure my brother had a Game Gear, but, for the “long haul” of my childhood (which, for all I know may have only been six months) we only had the Nintendo. 

My Uncle Jim, however, had a SEGA and holy crap, we were in awe.  He also had satellite TV, which at that point, was so cutting edge that I peed myself a little every time we went over to visit.  I mean…ordering movies…to your living room…from SPACE?!?!? Once that happened, I felt like such a dork going to Turtle Video.  But I digress, there was nothing cooler than going to visit them.  (Until my other Uncle got the first Playstation.)  You might as well have made me an honorary member of the X-Men…it was that cool. 

As far as SEGA went, there were two games that really rocked my world. The first was Echo the Dolphin because the graphics were like nothing I had ever seen before in my short, but happy life.  But, you were still playing as a dolphin, so it had limited cool points.  

Meanwhile, my brother and I were logging some serious hours on the SNES Jurassic Park game.

Props for a super awesome soundtrack and the constant challenge.  But at the time, it didn’t do much for me.  Incidentally, I really enjoyed going back and playing during my years in college.  I actually even beat it…once.  Although, my brother still doesn’t believe me.

But then something magical happened.  My uncle purchased the Jurassic Park video game for SEGA. (Or we rented it and spend the weekend over there.  Either scenario is probable.)

Now, for a kid already obsessed with Jurassic Park getting to play the Jurassic Park game on SEGA (the forbidden fruit) was cool overload.  I drop-kicked my Mom I was so excited.

This shit took things to a whole new level.  While my brother and I were stuck at our boring old house, running around trying to turn on power generators and collect Velociraptor eggs in the super hard, semi boring SNES cartridge…my uncle was eating pizza and jamming out to the futuristic SEGA version and laughing at us.  

Look at it.  IT STILL LOOKS Awesome (Just like the film).  It is gorgeous.  15 minutes of Jurassic Park (on SEGA) was worth an extra controller, 2 copies of Mutant League Football AND 30 minutes of Echo the Dolphin playing time.

And this was just one of the components that made Jurassic Park so awesome.  Maybe even the least important component.  For me, it was the perfect movie at the perfect time.  As a kid, Jurassic Park was the first “Summer Blockbuster” I experienced. I even wrote Jurassic Park short stories that I tried to send to Steven Spielberg as ideas for a sequel. I didn’t even want compensation…I just wanted more Jurassic Park.  That’s right, I was a seven year old writing Jurassic Park fanfiction.  I was like Tony Montana from Scarface, the world was my oyster and my oyster was Jurassic Park.  Hell, I would have bought a Jurassic Park yamaka if they were selling it.

But, you aren’t interesting in reading about my … feelings. Right?  So, to keep you compelled to delve deeper, here are some awesome Jurassic Park images:

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Hated this kid. If my parents loved me they would have been archeologists. 

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“Oh.  Mr. Arnold."  Works every time.  All the time.  Smooth, Samuel L.

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I remember, as a kid (and still to this day) nothing was more pleasing than the T-Rex ultimately framed as a "hero”.  Look at this still… just look at it.  If you don’t want to hug your monitor, there is something wrong with you.

I mean, even the toys were awesome.  And believe me, I had them all.

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I mean…his arms ripped off and everything.  Battle Damage!

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Was it the best playset of all time?  Probably not.  But it was my favorite.  This was “the Danger Room” for my X-Men, mission control for Jurassic Park and even Arkham Asylum for those special Batman occasions. I believe I told my mother that I’d “cut myself and I’d cut deep.” if I didn’t get it for my birthday.  (It might have actually been my brother who got it. But who cares, I was older and stronger.)

 But, my ultimate favorite action accessory? You guessed it:

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The Deluxe T-Rex.  This guy was a game changer.  It took ALL my X-Men AND Spidermen toys to take this mamma-jamma down.  He pooped out Superman twice a week.  I swear to god, I even slept with this thing.  I don’t know where he is, or what he is doing today, but I wish him well. 

We sure shared some times…didn’t we, bud?

Now, this isn’t just your run-of-the-mill Jurassic Park blog.  I want to give it all away.  I DEMAND satisfaction! 

So I’m giving you more.  That’s right… MORE JURASSIC PARK.  Why?  Because frankly,  we deserve it.  Jurassic Park has, literally, one million great moments.  I will now share some of them.  Of course, it is all opinion based, but I don’t much care for yours, so I’ll give you mine:


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This was the scene that made me poop myself a little. There are no words that I can use to describe the victory and excitement I felt in that dollar theater waiting for the film to start.  I mean, it was easily equivalent to the moment that I realized that boobs were awesome. I remember sitting in that theater, seven years old and realizing that once the credits rolled, my life would all be downhill from that very instant. So, in reality, that was probably ultimately the scariest part of the film. 

And the scares were fun!  Seriously.  Classic Spielberg scares.  Part of the awesomeness was because they weren’t excessively gory…but also because, as a viewer, you became so immersed in the story-telling that the best jumps literally seem to snap you back in to reality.  Whiplash included.

3.  Best Quote:

It is just that simple… and if you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong. The real question is, how many times will you play this clip before you move on to the rest of the blog?

2: The Best “Feel Good” Moment:


Sorry if there is an ad that plays with the clip, but I had to include this (in its entirety).  For me, this scene is easily the film’s brightest moment.  The acting is perfect and there is something really special about seeing the three protagonists realizing their dreams come true at the exact same moment.  I’m a sucker for “culmination moments”.  There is something so hopeful and wonderful about the entire scene and John William’s score pulls the whole damn thing together beautifully.  Also, the film’s second and third best quotes are found within. 

“Welcome to Jurassic Park."  (Obvious, but awesome.  You just can’t say this without mimicking Richard Attenborough’s voice and cadence.) annnndd….

"They’re moving in herds.  They do move in herds." 

I must admit, I use this quote almost on a weekly basis; to a point where my wife starts making a gagging noise before I am halfway through executing my very flawed Sam Neil impression.

1.  Most Epic moment of all epic moments.

Sure, you might disagree.  No mention of the Jello scene?  What about the Spitter?
I can’t believe you left off the opening scene!
This could be argued by anyone at any
point at any time.  And, on any given day, I might change my answer three or eight
times.  But, right here, right now in a film full of epic moments, this stands out to me as the most special.  This is the scene that made the entire film; the scene that bundled up all that wonder, excitement and fear into one striking moment that made this my favorite ever film-going experience.

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And all it took, was a silly little cup of water.

Now, this should be the end of this blog…BUT I’M NOT DONE YET.  I have more to say about this awesome treat-of-a-film.  So, lets try to end on a high note:

TOP 5 Jurassic Park Death’s (Abstract Version)

5.  The death of my childhood.

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I don’t need to say much.  But, screw every single part of Jurassic Park III - for ever and ever and then some more.  The best thing that Jurassic Park III has going for it is that Joel Schumacher exists and carried out far worse movie sins than this film could have dreamed of committing. Even though he was in NO WAY involved with JP III, Schumacher’s ruination of the Batman franchise will always lessen the impact of just how awful this monstrosity was.  That being said, JP III was just a shade less crappy than the "Bat Nipples” saga. One. Single. Shade.

And just in case you need another reason to remember why you hate this movie (for crap’s sake, a ringing Nokia in a Dinosaur’s belly?)  May I present:

Because there is nothing that fans will love more than seeing the T-Rex get killed by another dinosaur.  FUCK! THIS MOVIE IS BUILT ON AN ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND OF LIES!

I just hate it.

4. Mr. DNA’s off-screen suicide.

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Unable to rectify his scientific beliefs against the backdrop of his strict Catholic upbringing.  Mr. DNA turned to a life of pills and drinking to quiet the guilt brewing within his double-helix.  After the events on Isla Nublar, Mr. DNA, disgusting with playing God, gave in to his depression.  He was found by his masseuse, floating in a bathtub in the Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel.

3. The Lawyer dies on the crapper.

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No Jokes.  No runaround.  This is the scene you love and remember.  Spielberg is awesome because he wanted his audience to be “ok” with watching the lawyer get eaten.  He wants you to be cheering for the T-Rex and not feel too guilty for it.  I always appreciated that.  I always felt grateful that they made the spineless lawyer run away from protecting two children, just so I didn’t feel bad at shouting “awesome” when he got ripped to shreds a few scenes later.  

Thanks, Steven.  For everything.  Really.

2.  Clever Girl.

Again, no messing around here.  This is another case of Spielberg giving the audience exactly what they want.  You know he is going to let those bastard kids live…and you know silliness will ensue to ensure their survival.  So, shenanigans aside, we get to watch the “great white hunter” go one on one with the evil raptor(s).  The result is one of the greatest moments in film history.  Everything about this is awesome.  Everything about this works.

1.  Sam Jackson going out as only Sam Jackson can in TRUE Jurassic Park fashion.

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I really thought he was going to make it this time.

So there you have it.  Some of the greatest moments from Jurassic Park, perhaps my favorite movie of all-time.  Do I have regrets?  Only one.  Not being able to work this in:

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“The Goldblum is certainly pleased with you.”


P.S. In case you didn’t have enough, check out this web page full of AWESOME Jurassic Park art, clips and pop-culture references.