So, I wanted to write a piece about a trope about Jewish characters I’ve seen a lot in the media (and specifically, in original fiction and fanfiction, as well from many asks on here.) that has been leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. The trope in question is: Jews marrying out. The thing is, that I need to put a pretty big disclaimer first.
1. I am an ashki Orthodox Jew-ess. White passing, from London. (My matrilineal side is displaced Lebanese, but being Orthodox, I believe I get my tribe from my patrilineal side, which makes me ashkenazi. I’m happy to talk to people about having displaced mena/Lebanese culture though. Just know that it’s part of my history, but not part of my identity).
2. Interfaith marriages are totally legit, not at all something that should be looked down on, and in fact need representation! Like, interfaith families are super important. So many Jews - even Orthodox ones - I know are from interfaith backgrounds, and they need representation and need to be made to feel as if they are loved. Nothing here should be taken as an attack on actual interfaith marriages and couples.
-So, you might be asking, what’s the problem?
The problem is that any old representation is not always good representation. There are a number of problems with this trope, but the first & more glaringly obvious one being: it’s super common for gentiles to write about Jews marrying out.
(This may be applicable for other minorities too btw, but I see it for Jews all the time.)
You’ve all seen it. The two star crossed lovers: Julia McEnglish & Aaron Jewson. Aaron’s Jewish parents don’t like that he’s dating a goy, Julia can’t imagine giving up Christmas, but they just love each other anyway. Nearly always the minority character’s (although, sometimes it’s both characters as minorities) entire culture is eroticised and Orientalised. It’s their culture that throws up boundaries and difficulties to the relationship. And the tensions and upheaval of the stories are all found in the Jew’s culture being in the way.
Now, does Judaism get in the way of interfaith marriages? Well, yes. Sometimes. Definitely in the Orthodox community. Do I think that this needs to be written about ad nausea? No, and definitely not by non-Jews.
Other reasons why this trope should be put to rest is that it lies close to two other tropes: (1) the Jew marrying their oppressor & (2) Jewish men being repulsed by Jewish women trope.
(1) That first trope is a sliding scale, I’m sure many of these stories aren’t actually about Jews marrying their oppressor. Not every British person represents the dominant Christian society that oppressed Jews, denied them the ability to work, or obtain justice & periodically expelled them. The point is, that when you start putting your stories in vague sort-of history settings (fantasy or not) Jews reading it start feeling a bit uncomfortable.
“Like sure… that Ottoman-esque empire definitely would be best friends with our Jewish coded minority character, everything looks totally legit here.”
“Hah - like, it’s 15th Century venice, but not. Super romantic, artistic, and beautiful. And the Jews are definitely not living in a ghetto.“
Jew’s have a long memory of their relationship with non-Jew’s throughout history, it is very easy to fall into this trope. (If I need to explain to you why this trope is bad, something has gone seriously wrong. Just don’t do it. It’s not even a new idea, it’s been done many times before.)
(2) This is an intra-Jewish issue, and something many Jewish women are speaking about in their own communities, but Jewish misogyny often manifests itself in Jewish men artists (writers, actors, producers, you name it) portraying Jewish women as the negative stereotypes hurled at us by antisemites. There’s a long narrative on this, one that I don’t think is appropriate for this audience. But the point is, even if you’re using what you think are Jewish sources to justify your men-marrying-the-pretty-non-jew story, it probably reeks of sexist antisemitism.
So what should you be writing?
Well, the first thing is: let Jews fall in love with other Jews! What’s wrong with that? We’re great, we’re multifaceted, we deserve to get happy endings. Romance stories are wonderful, and although there definitely need to be more stories with female leads that don’t involve a romance plot (or even subplot) writing romance can be incredibly fulfilling to read. It’d be super awesome therefore if you let us Jews actually feel valued and represented in it, and not make us feel like our culture is something to be fetishised for non-Jews. Or worse, that if you’re a Jew that is interesting/pretty/charismatic/worthy of someone falling in love with: then you’re not going to some lowly Jew to marry. “No-no, you’ve been elevated to non-Jew worthy!” (You get the idea?)
You can even have some exciting Jewish based tension: ashkenazi verses sefardi practices over pesach: “You made RICE for my OMA!?” “What? I checked every grain!” Or, “In my family we daven Nusach Ari.” “I didn’t know you were chabadniks, we use the artscroll siddur in shul, but we have koren at home.” “Oh phew, I worried you were going to say you read from the Birnbaum.” “Hey! We may be Baal Teshuvas, but we’re not stupid!” See, the drama is endless. Jews literally love to crack open their practices and find out how what they do is significantly different.
But what if you really want some interfaith representation?
Now, maybe you’re Jewish and from an interfaith background. Maybe you’re just itching to use some fun creative interfaith holidays for two communities to celebrate. Well, sure, I’m not banning you from writing it. (Although really, you should check yourself a little bit if you’re a non-Jew. Just why is this so important to you?) There are some one ways you can do it:
Make the interfaith relationship already established, this will work best if it’s instead the parents of the main character, but it can work either way. (Extra kudos is said child of interfaith couple gets to marry a Jew.)
Slice off all that creepy fetishisation, and show a loving & already thriving interfaith relationship, over coming hurdles and hardships from the outside world, succeeding because of the strength of their interfaith relationship.
Try to keep in-law drama to a minimum (especially if it’s only the Jew mother in law who is the problem. Don’t do that, it’s awful) and instead show that Judaism in a beautiful and intricate ethno-religious identity, that can survive and exist in an interfaith relationship.
Maybe write a story where there are other Jews also having adventures, and falling in love, but this time with another Jew! So the interfaith relationship doesn’t dominate the story, or make it seem like this is the only way Jews get to be romantic, or happy, in fiction.
One last thing: people, please write more Orthodox Jews. We love adventures too, and there’s so little Orthodox representation in media, that people don’t even know the difference between Orthodox, Haredi & Hassidic. All Jews are great though, y'all the best.
It’s not just our women who are supposed to be undesirable, it’s also our men. There are more books out there than I’d like that pair our women with, and I am regrettably not exaggerating, literal Nazi officers. So obviously: don’t do this, but I think at least part of the reason it happens is that gentiles think our men are all Woody Allen or something. They’re not. As I’m fond of pointing out every time this comes up, slash fanfiction became a mass movement in fandom as a result of two of our men, Shatner and Nimoy, being too conventionally attractive to ignore. Natalie seems to have run into more of the other way around than I have, whereas I’ve see more of Jewish women with gentile men, but either way, the point stands.
Again, none of this is meant to say interfaith relationships shouldn’t be represented–heck, I’m in one since mine never went through with conversion and is a "Jewish-adjacent atheist” now–but when they’re all over the place to the point where we start feeling like gentile authors think all our genders are racing as fast as they can to avoid partnering up with another Jew, something is off kilter.
Remember, there are many scenarios that there is nothing wrong with in a vacuum because they exist IRL but when they’re overrepresented in writing by outsiders, they start to twist.
notice: It tried to make this more about Taehyung but not sure if it worked. Tbh when I started writing I just went with the flow of my mind so sorry if something might be different from expectation xd Idk if their baby’s name is even a name used in Korea but I just thought it matched lol
And also I did some research but there are few things in this scenario that I didn’t check at all so read having that in mind that not everything here might be legit.
Sorry for typos and errors, I was too exited to share this to read it through again.
Decision of having a second child was not easy, especially in your financial situation, Taehyung understood that well as someone who was providing for all three of you for a long time before you found your job. There were many aspects to be taken into consideration before you started planning on making your family bigger, like the fact that Beom Soo was going to start going to school soon which would cost additional money and that your apartment, even the new one you moved in to not so long ago, was too little to be comfortable for two growing childeren. On the other side, as unbelivable as it may be, Taehyung started to long for another little creature running around his house, seeing how Beom Soo grew up so well. Speaking to neighborhood moms he meets in the park saying how kids needs to have sibling and it’s a perfect time to try for another baby for Beom Soo’s sake only fueled his desire though his pay was barely enough to cover bills and cost of living even when he took more of the clients on himself than the rest of the guys in the branch.
But then Taehyung got promoted, his pay rose significantly and your family was finally more comfortable with the money than ever. It seemed like a green light for Taehyung to finally voice what was going around his head for a while.
Saying there’s no proof of HL together or even living together but ignoring: looks, touches, hugs, kisspers, whispers, body language, domesticity, protectiveness, supportiveness, dream team, interactions, finishing each other’s sentences, always knowing what the other is thinking of or is about to say, jealousy, body language when the other one’s PR relationships are brought up, fond, living situation, when we’re home, house in L.A., the fucking giddiness when they so much as look at each other, the bubble when they only focus on each other, Louis looking for Harry when he doesn’t know where he disappeared, Harry looking for Louis when he doesn’t know where he went, coordinating their fucking wee breaks on 2 hr long concerts, where’s Harry where’s Louis gone, even as young as you are, sharing clothes, jeans, t-shirts, etc, their reaction to rings-engagement-marriage topics, the being MIA at the same time and reappearing on the same day for years, the being sick at the same time while every other band member is healthy, the blue and green, the bandana, the sharing cars, sharing hotel rooms, having the same friends, the mirroring, the tattoos, those fucking tattoos, the song lyrics???, like helloooo, the lyric changes, the throat lozenge, the we’re both kinda generous with each other, the we kind of share that really, the good lad good lad nice lil body, the fucking aimh tweet, and the family’s reaction when it beat Obama’s, the paris imterview, the video diaries, the turning away to hide his smile Tomlinson because he was so gone, the Script concert, the jumping in your arms because our band got formed, their tweets to each other, the way Louis tweeted at the asscrack of dawn about something English then disappeared for mia days, the serenading, the kicking away water bottles so you don’t fall face down, the bringing a new water bottle because i see yours is empty, the hey cutie have a nacho, the serenading, the watching each other on the big screens, the goofing around in the monitors, the other boys’ outing them, their OWN moms outing them, their own family outing them, their own friends outing them, their own co-workers outing them, other celebrities outing them, how the whole fucking world knows about them, their same habits in everything, they are legit morphing into the same person, the nicknames they use, the orbiting on stage, the secret touches, the sign language, the meal, the left and right sides respectively tattooed then used in bed for example, the fucking little spoon information, the lipbiting when looking at the other one when he’s not watching, the bruises, the innuendos, the horse rider, the he has one, the salt and vinegar, the fucking bears, the denials being a joke, the receipts, home, if i could fly, strong, happily, don’t let me go, something great, the fucking narrative, the fucking no pic of them for years and only them, and this became a long list and it’s way more than you ever wished for.
But you put all this firm and long theory into all kinds of unrealistic challenges and it is ridiculous, really.
You are in situations in your life constantly when you have to make decisions, you look up at the sky 400000 times your life and you are making immediate assumptions when seeing dark clouds and making a logical deduction SHIT IT’S GONNA RAIN.
This list I put here is the longest fucking rainstorm with clouds so dark that the only thing darker is the brain of those people who are still in denial.
I love this trend I’ve noticed of listing the Crows and describing them in some manner, or describing something they’d do, and everything is so legit and absolutely everyone who has made one of these posts saves Kaz for the end and his is always so freaking ridiculous because Kaz is just so extra
ok so we’re going to sit our booties down and learn a thing
These boots here are called Renegades. I love them. They come in lots of cool colors, like maroon and yellow and the whole rainbow k. These saved my life last summer when I couldn’t keep Bella from abscessing bc even once they would blow and heal, they weakened her feet. If I didn’t have these bad boys, I wouldn’t have been able to ride that whole summer.
They’re the most popular boot with Endurance riders and that’s bc they’re fuckin fly as hell. Do you know how easy it is to put these things on? 9/10 times when I use them, I only use front boots, and they take me like a minute per foot INCLUDING picking out the foot. Tell me that’s not crazy af.
The bottoms are designed like a real foot and you can gets studs and shit if you do hardcore things. That heel captivator you see there moves free from the boot, so no rubbing or foot restriction. You can do legit everything in these babies and your horse’s perfect little tootsies will be nice and protected, while still maintaining the health that comes with a bare foot.
Worried about cables? Don’t k. I have…. 5 pairs of these plus I know lots of people that use them personally and never have I heard of a cable breaking. Even if it does, you don’t have to order a new boot so don’t stress! You can order every piece of these boots separately and save a buttload of skrilla.
Worried about them being loose and coming off? Don’t k. I’ve lost a boot once and it was my fault. I didn’t latch the velcro strap on the toe correctly so that sucker came loose and came off while we trekked through mud bogs that’ll make u cry. When they’re put on right, they stay put. No twisting. No nothin. You ride and you don’t worry.
And what’s super rad? They weigh less than any other boot I’ve seen. There are some shoes that weigh more than these.
AND there is a new design called the Viper that is currently being tested by Endurance riders before it goes on the market and I’m so hype for them. They’re supposed to be EVEN EASIER to put on and move even easier with the horse’s foot for the most natural movement possible.
✎a/n; this request has been sitting in my inbox for quite a while now,, and i’m really sorry to the anon for the long wait !! i opened requests for seventeen right after this was requested so i was kinda focusing on developing svt scenarios first. now that it’s pretty stabilized, here’s a got7 youngjae au! it’s been a while since i’ve written on ma boiss i miss them so much huhu // this is gonna be damn long bc it’s bulletpoints but heh it’ll be fun. i lowkey have no idea how to end badboy aus but hopefully this is fine? enjoy :-)
we all know youngjae is the fluffiest otter on earth
//coughs coughs username reference
but we always forget about his tattoos bc he covers them up
like let’s be honest
hiS TATTOO IS THE HOTTEST THING EVER
so as a badboy in schoooll,,
the two of you would probably be those kind of really really distant schoolmates
you two don’t even know of each other’s existence tbh
until one day everyone’s like heyhey youngjae’s got a new tattoo oh ma gosh ma hart
and you’d be so confused and kind of unbothered by it like
“youngjae who?” while eating your food in the cafeteria
your friends legit would wanna punch you across of the face
and you’d blink like ???
your friend sighs. “the really hot guy”
but your memory failed you real bad bc according to your whole three years in the high school, you never came across anyone ‘hot’
well, at least none hot enough to get your attention
the furthest it got was “that guy’s cute”, but you forget him a minute later so
when your friend nudges you really excitedly,, you follow her line of gaze whichhh lands on this random school guy?
whom seemed familiar?
but not at the same time?
you fix your eyes on him as you cock you head to a side, trying to recall where you’d seen him
and then it just hits you like AHA
you were never one to get detention, actually
you’re the most obedient kid ever in class and the teachers literally thank you for not pushing their lives deeper into the fiery pits of class hell
but one day you thought it’d be cool to try something yourself in chem class
and woOSH you nearly murdered everyone with your black magic
so according to ‘school protocol’, you had to leArN a leSsOn,
aka sitting in detention.
and youngjae was there, at a front corner of the detention room,, minding his own business, his facial expression cold asf
so you minded yours and sat directly opposite of where he was, aka the back corner of the class
you guys had no sort of interaction or whatever in the room for that 2.5 hours
until you saw him stick chewed gum under the table, and from the back you could see his cheekbones rise in a grin or something
you widened your eyes like oh my furk
and you didnt know his name at that time so you spoke like “hey, you”
he hesitates, then turns around
you roll your eyes. “is there anyone else in this room?”
and he freaking scoffs at you like how tf dare you talk to me like that,, you obviously had no idea of his labelled position in the school
bc if u knew, u should’ve ran far far away to shrek’s home lol
when he doesnt respond to you, you just try to politely tell him to get the gum off the table
he stands up and you try to not flinch bc you notice how well-built he actually is
he isn’t those kind of people with freaking rocks of muscles but he was, for sure, stronger than the average man
he leans on the table, now facing you
“why should i?”
“bc that’s disgusting”
“then dont look at it”
“that’s just unhygienic”
“you aren’t using the table.”
“but there’s a dustbin right outside the room”
“you really wanna argue with me?”
u shut up then,, realising you’ve bitten off more than you can chew
but shutting up like this just seemed paTHETIC ASF
so while trying to keep your ego you kind of shouted at him to just get the gum off
bc you were pissed at how he kept smirking bC he knew you werent good enough to beat him in this argument
when you raise you voice at him, his gaze grew five million times sharper
and he steps closer to you while you backstep
you gulp and started holding your breath as he comes closer
anddd you spot his tattoo on his upper arm
“you’d better watch yourself,” he snarls @ u before leaving the room
your inhaled sharply and let out a breath of your life bc you nearly died there
andd that’s how you came to know this guy existed in your school
now you know his name — youngjae.
so when you see him again you were about to sprint to save yo ass
but luckilyyy, he doesn’t spot you and just sits at an empty table, leaned back onto his seat, his arm draped over the empty chair beside him
his gang sits with him
and youNGJAE LEGIT
IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
IN FRONT OF EVERYONE
just grabs a guy who was hurrying past and yanks him towards him and says something inaudible
the obviously intimidated and frightened guy nodded a few times before rushing off, buying some sort of drink from a stall and running back to give it to youngjae
youngjae grins, giving him a pat on his back before letting him go
your blood boiled
who tf did he think he is to order others around like that
but based on past experience,, you decided it was best to not go and spout your string of profanities at him
so you just stand up, casually walk past him, giving the leg of his chair a good hard kick before walking off
from the corner of your eye, you saw him jerk from the sudden impact, and his gang shouts a few indecent words at you
but no one comes after you so u just head to class
you felt so satisfied tbh HAHAHA
so for the next few days this goes back and forth
the two of you somehow always have something to argue about
“yOUR HANDS ARE WET CAN YOU NOT DRIP THEM ALL OVER THE CLASS”
“IT’S FUCKING WATER, Y/N”
yeah he got to know your name ;; u had no idea how.
and in the middle of classes which u two share, he just grabs ur pen and freaking flings it to the bin
and you look at him like ???? BRO??? I NEED MY PEN????
but he just smirks like idc
your pencil case literally went empty bc of him
and you clench your fists like u literally felt smoke escaping from your ears
so aft class u pushed his table when he was still sitting down, and the table flies two meters or so, knocking some of the other tables
he looks up at you like
you gon’ fucking die lol
you gave no shit and walked out,, you hated him so much you just
and the two of you have this kind of relationship for the rest of the month
but there was this one incident which wavered your impression of youngjae
he was on the phone, at one quiet corner of the locker hallway
his eyes were tearing up, his voice was shaking
you frowned, slowly walking past with your books in your hand
youngjae quickly hangs up the moment he noticed your prescence, and turned to walk away
you grabbed his arm though.
he glares at you through his red eyes, and walks away without saying anything
you bit in your lips, trying to pretend nothing happened
and everything legit changed one day
in the morning when the hallways were still empty
someone suddenly grabs you and a hand is placed over your mouth & nose as you were pulled/dragged to a much darker and unused corridor
you were kicking and everything, and when they let you go you stumbled forward, collapsing onto a wall as u gasped for air
you turn around and saw this group of five (?) guys whom you didn’t recognise
until a guy emerges from them and u recognise him
well-known for harrassing girls
sexually or not.
sometimes he just finds joy in beating others. guys too.
and his gang joins him
so you start shaking like a leaf the second you identified him
jake steps closer and you flattened your back onto the wall
u had nowhere to run bc his guys were beside you
jake extends his arm, reaching out to your cheek
but you kicked him in the stomach with whatever u had
he stumbles backwards and you were about to run when his guys grab you, pinning u back onto the wall
jake got mad asf and he grabs ur shoulders
u squeeze ur eyes shut ,, u didnt want to feel this
but the pressure on ur arms suddenly disappear
you open ur eyes and see youngjae
you squint bc it was dark ;;; you saw wrong right?
nope. youngjae’s tall demeanour — that was him.
he literally had just delivered a punch to jake’s face, and the rest naturally backed away, knowing who was of higher position between jake and youngjae
youngjae glares hard at jake first, before the rest of them.
you had no time or energy to comprehend what the hell he said,, bc your knees buckled and you slumped to the floor
this first ‘’‘encounter’’’ scared u good
jake was seemingly unhappy, but left.
youngjae turns to you and goes over, standing there, looking at you trembling, bc he didn’t know what to do
but when you started crying he gave up on holding himself back
he kneels down in front of you, his arms slowly wrapping around your curled up self
u didn’t even see him as how u saw him usually at that point
he wasn’t your enemy then
he was just someone who was comforting you
and for once
you actually felt thankful for his existence
youngjae starts stroking ur hair really slowly, mumbling soft words which you couldn’t really hear,, except for one phrase.
he waits for you to calm down before helping you up
he doesn’t say anything after that but he was worried for u
he didnt notice it himself, but he was getting interested in you
you were the only one who didn’t try to get all over him
and he felt that he actually didn’t have to worry if you saw his not-so-strong side bc he actually wasn’t really this strong
you mumble a ‘thanks’ to him, and for the first time, you saw him smile.
“be careful, will you?”
you looked up, and in the dim light, you could trace his defined features with your eyes
like ok wtf were u doing
he helps you out of the corridor, and ya’ll ended up skipping school for the whole day
I love how in Leverage, these two FBI (Taggert and McSweeten) guys are bumbling idiots that take the credit for some of the Leverage crews exploits and the crew lets them because it makes everything more legit. But consider this:
They also show up at the end of some of Sam and Dean’s cases.
swiftingmylifeaway: 🤗❤The last of my videos🤗❤This was my favorite part🤗. Look at our queen sweating but still looking flawless and guys!!! do ya feel the sass oozing from this video its everything 🤗❤🤗She legit brought the house down🤗🙌🏻I was so happy to see her so happy when she was performing and her voice live is everything and the most precious and beautiful sound in the world 🤗🤗. Im so grateful to have went and forever grateful for this experience 🙏🏻🙏🏻..We are so lucky we are gonna get to rewatch this treasure again very soon🤗❤Thank you so much @taylorswift for this ❤🤗❤legit #blessed beyond measure to have got to go🤗❤Love you @taylorswift 🤗❤. @scott.borchetta @taylornation #taylorswift #supersaturday #att #directv #directvnow