prompt: you and peter both have immense crushes on each other, but say nothing, because best friends aren’t supposed to think about kissing each other
warnings: language and fluff. plus this is super long rip
notes: prompts like this fuck me UP man like I am a sucker for cliché tropes done correctly and in a way that isn’t sexist or toxic. hope you enjoy requests are open! i’m thinking of making a sequel to this bc it’s super cute and I have so much more I want to happen, but y’all can decide if that happens or not :)
Though he hasn’t known you for that long, Peter can’t help but admire you and the person you were constantly. He finds himself thinking about it when his eyes glaze over the room, searching for you landing on you, and he can’t help the corners of his lips tugging up into the softest, most appreciative smile you’ve never seen.
He doesn’t know how, out of the two years you’ve been best friends, you hadn’t notice his wandering gaze and his staring, but he’s glad you don’t catch it. He’s sure that you’d find nothing of it, mainly because that’s just the person you were, but still. There are times when he’d wish you’d notice his eyes poring over your entire being and you’d actually say something to give him an idea of how you feel about him. He doesn’t actually expect you to of course, because by nature you were quite awkward and would never say something that you thought would embarrass you, nor would you ever actually tell him if you liked him. It’s not like he would either.
And it’s not like he thought you would ever like him in the first place.
There’s always going to be someone who has “had it worse” than you.
My mom’s first reaction to my coming-out was, i’d say, pretty pretty bad. Her words hurt me. I felt unloved, lonely, dirty, like something was wrong with me, like i ruined her life just by being myself.
And yet i feel almost guilty when i say “Her reaction was pretty bad”. There are kids who get beaten up or kicked out of their home or even get murdered after a coming-out - My mom just said a few mean things. Who am i to complain? Shouldn’t I feel thankful that it wasn’t worse? Other lgbt+ kids have had it worse.
Now that i’m older and spent more time with other lgbt+ people, i realized some important things and I want to share them with you:
1. I’m not the only one who feels that way. Many of us do. So, if you relate to my words, please know: You’re not alone.
There’s always going to be someone who has “had it worse” than you.If you got insulted, there’s someone who got insulted worse. If you got bullied by five people, there’s someone who got bullied by ten. And so on. That doesn’t mean that you are not allowed to hurt. Someone else’s pain doesn’t diminish your own.
3. Your pain is not what makes you lgbt+. Your identity is. How valid your identity is not determined by how much pain others make you go through.
4. We don’t have to feel thankful for not getting murdered or kicked out. We don’t have to feel thankful for “only getting a bit insulted”. That feeling is based on the horrifying idea that it is normal to get abused after a coming-out. It’s not.
If someone makes you feel bad for being lgbt+, you are allowed to feel pain - even when others “have had it worse”.
Everyone who sees or hears her falls in love with her (romantically or platonically). She doesn’t even need a song to draw people in. Just smile or show them her gams. But instead of killing her “victims” she motivates them and makes them feel good about themselves.
She’s a positivity siren.
I don’t know where this idea came from my goodness))
oh my god you guys….. so its tv night in my house so i told my parents (who HATE cartoons and star wars and dont know anything about shipping) that i had a recommendation for them and that we should watch dave filoni’s the clone wars. they were skeptical but said they’d give it a try so i put on my favorite episode, revival. for those of you that don’t remember its the one where darth maul and savage opress try to take down the ohnaka gang and obi wan and hondo (my OTP… xD) have to team up to stop them.
my parents actually seemed to start getting into it about midway through the episode so i kept playing it until the end and asked what they thought. my dad turned to me with a knowing, serene expression on his face and said “the animation is very formidable (he’s french and they say that word a lot in france to mean ‘good’ and ‘impressive’) and those two men are clearly meant for each other”
i was floored. “what do you mean?” i asked innocently
“i think he means the redhead one with the beard and the lizard man,” my mom piped in, “after being married for 20 years, we both know true love when we see it”
my dad nodded. “love is love, even if it is between a jedi knight and a suave weequay pirate, there is rien de (french for “nothing”) wrong with it”
i was very moved by my parents’ acceptance of obihondo, the most powerful romance in the star wars franchise by far, so i started showing them obihondo fanart on my laptop. they loved it very much and my dad said it was even better than monet (a french painter)
the year was 2014. the plan was a convention for tumblr users in some random-ass city in illinois. what started out being marketed as tumbl-con usa soon became the disaster we cringe to think about today: dashcon. it was supposed to be a fun, cheap event, with panels and celebrities from multiple fandoms. it was supposed to be the largest gathering of tumblr users for new friendships to be forged and internet friends to meet. alas, it was not meant to be.
picture this: the first night of dashcon, you’re surrounded by people who are just as obsessed with tumblr as you are. you can barely contain your excitement. nothing could ruin your night…or so you thought. suddenly, organizers start to ask for, nay, demand, money. they need $17,000 by 10 pm or the con will be shut down.
you start to sweat nervously. you paid ahead of time for this and it’s going to be shut down unless the unexpectedly low amount of attendees can cough up a buttload of money? you check the time on your phone: 9 pm. why on earth would they only have an hour to collect that much money, you ask? the organizers claim that hotel management didn’t like them. instead, it’s just because they had miscommunication with the hotel. trying to stay hopeful, your fellow tumblr users turn to their fandoms, doing the three-finger salute from the hunger games and singing songs from high school musical (most notably, “we’re all in this together”).
after this whole ordeal you think you’re done. the rest of the weekend will be amazing. surely this was the only mistake? oh, how wrong you were.
unbeknownst to you, guests checking in for your beloved panels are experiencing difficulties as well. they were told the con would be paying for their rooms. as a result, some panelists cannot attend. panels are dropped. when this news reaches you, you’re devastated. the organizers quickly try to control the situation: “no worries! you’ll be reimbursed!” you don’t get your money back. instead, you get various rewards and: AN EXTRA HOUR IN THE BALL PIT. sounds fun, right? except the ball pit was open to everyone. at any time. so your extra hour meant nothing. and look at this ball pit. it has seen things that should never have been seen.
poor thing. it probably needed therapy.
considering this was a convention for tumblr users, most everyone in attendance was liveblogging it. we other tumblr users watched in horror. but like, the laughing kind of horror. because we were so glad we weren’t there to experience it. but we were glad we were able to make fun of it. and so, memes were born. some posts circulated for months afterwards. after a while, it eventually faded out of popularity. new tumblr users had no idea what a dashcon was. but those who attended can never forgive. and we who laughed about it can never forget.
So this isn’t a story from me, but from my mom.
My mom’s first job was a McHell and there’s always 2 stories she likes tell neither of them are fuck-customers but more of fuck management I guess.
The first one is pretty short my mom had only been working at mchell for about a month and was preparing the nuggets, well when she dumped the frozen contents of the bag out, she noticed something that was 100% not a nugget, and was in fact a roach, the size of the nuggets, she freaked out and asked her manager what she should do, and he simply told her to toss the roach and cook the nuggets. My mom never ate the chicken nuggets there ever again and even when I was a kid she wouldn’t let me get the nugget meals because even if the standards had some how changed, she couldn’t trust it.
The second story comes after my mom had actually been working at mchell for quite some time when the store got a new management team (? I’m not really sure I just know that she got new higher ups) and they decided that everyone should start fresh and at the same pay. Meaning my mom who had worked there for 5 years was going to be making the same pay as someone who only worked there for a week. Which obviously pissed my mom off, and so much so that she quit. And she goes off to work at a certain store called rears, a store that sells clothes, hardware, I mean a large bunch of stuff and my mom happened to work in the shoe department (she says it was both good and bad because she was happy that she got discounted shoes, but found herself buying too many shoes) but she actually liked working there. Well a couple weeks after being hired by this business she gets a call from mchell asking her to please come back and that they’d give her the pay she had been making before she showed up. My mom said no, as she was making even better pay at rears, and assumed that would be the end of it. Well it wasn’t. This guy literally came to my mom’s new work and demanded that she return. But of course my mom still refused and kept doing her thing. But what pissed her off the most is that he called her Mom and said something along the lines of “youre daughter is making a huge mistake we want her back is there anyway you can do” and apparently my grandmother simply replied “Well it sounds like you made a big mistake cutting her pay.” And hung up. My mom was furious that he went so far as to call her Mom, but apparently after that it stopped.
like i know pretty much everyone is scared of their parents dying but growing up with ‘older’ parents makes it so much scarier and every time something happens to them health-wise i get so incredibly anxious
“I remember it so well. I thought I was five years old, but there is a dated photograph and it turns out that I was three at the time.
My sister is four years older, and my parents let us go into this room, and there were two bicycles—a little one and a bigger one and the little bicycle was beautiful. It was purple and sparkly and it had little streamers on the handlebars. My first thought was, ‘Ah, such a beautiful bicycle!’ I was filled with awe at its beauty.
And my second thought—in fact it was almost immediate and tied to the first one—was, ‘Well, obviously this is not for me.’
I immediately shut down any expectations. I was certain that it was not for me, and I would probably get into trouble for even touching it. But then my mom said, ‘Come on, go ahead, sit on the bike.’
So I sat on the bicycle, and my mom was trying to take a picture to show my joy but I wasn’t feeling joy—I was anxious and confused.
My sister had already known about the bicycle, because she had peaked, and she was older, she knew better, so she played the game. She had this expression that says, ‘Oh my goodness this is amazing!’ and she has the big smile because she knows that’s the deal— the cost of the bike is to smile for the camera.
I was uncertain why my mom was making me sit on this bicycle and then, when I realized that it was mine—a gift for my third birthday—I felt this terrible sorrow and shame, that I was the sort of person who couldn’t just be grateful and happy that this beautiful bike was mine.
This probably sounds unbelievable to someone else—it sounds unbelievable to me—except I remember it so well. So she takes the photo and I’m smiling, but inside I was weeping really, really hard. I was barely hanging on to the smile and I was good at suppressing tears.
It was as if I was thinking ‘This is what I’ve come to?’ It sounds ridiculous if I am three, but that’s the best I can articulate it—I didn’t have the words. I felt sorrow that I was—not cynical, but so used to turning off desire and expecting not just nothing but expecting poor treatment. And the notion that something good could be for me was so foreign that I rejected it out of hand.
On top of that, I felt I had disappointed my mom because I was supposed to be excited like my sister.”
please read and pass along so queen Vic sees it and comments on it/ reblogs (part one)
okay y'all. im goons try to keep this short. over a year ago, i began reading red queen. it was by far one of the best days of my life. im writing this for three reasons. one, i want queen v to see it and know just how much she means to me. two, today i got scared. i got really scared that one day red queen will no longer make me feel the intense love i feel now. three, i had this dream that i was a number one nyt bestselling author and me and queen vic went to go have lunch. queen vic if you read this hmu. i know some pretty gucci restaurants in ri. haha. 😂 okay so back to the beginning of the story, i was walking around bn before gs came out and i saw this book … with the most gorgeous cover i have ever seen. and then i read the back. i instantly connected with this book. i loved it so so much and i hadn’t even read it yet. my depression and anxiety were so bad at this point and i had already started cutting. so then i started reading this book, it was AMAZING. i just felt this connection with mare, as if she were real and i could just talk to her. and i felt so … not alone for the first time in a long time. it was this unimaginable love. it made my heart hurt in the best way possible. glass sword came out by the time i finished reading it. i was so so in love. ask anyone, there is not a day have gone without having a conniption at least one since i started reading it. so the next year was really hard. the arrival of kc kept me going. during that year, I MET VICTORIA AVEYARD in east long meadow at kidly winks in June of 2016. IT WAS LITERALLY THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. it was the most personal thing to me so im not gonna describe what happened other than HOLY SHIT. I WAS ON CLOUD NINE ☁️ FOR WEEKS. she was just so amazing. idek what to say. after we left the store, I cried. and honestly i miss her sm. i gave her a million hugs and was honestly an awkward but. i hope she didn’t judge too much. it was great. we hugged, complemented each other, our moms talked to each other. I STILL can’t get over it, but quite a while after that, things got so bad that i couldn’t function anymore. i was NEVER happy. i hid my rq books because i didn’t want to see them and have them lose their meaning in this dark time. so, then i was admitted to bradley, a children’s psychiatric hospital, an intensive outpatient program. the first day i was there i was determined to die. i said i would kill myself before kc because i waited so long and came so far, i just had to make it until then, right? wrong. so while i was in Bradley, i was happy for the first time in a while, but not until kc came out. everyone there, even my psychiatrist said it helped immensely with my recovery. everyone told me i look so much happier. even in that hellhole they call school. my mom said that i was the happiest she had seen me in a long time. my best friend the hope, the sparkle in my eyes was back. it made me realize how much i love some of the things in this world. when i left Bradley, everyone said i was the red queen and positive messages about how strong i was like mare. I still carry those letters around because there still are low points. they never just go away. but now there’s a difference. im happy. i have hope. for that, i am immensely grateful. i love you so so much queen vic. and let me just say, i absolutely support the end of kc. of course im sad, but i understand that as an author sometimes ya gotta do whatcha gotta do. and just like kc gave me hope in my life, i have hope and faith in queen vic and what you do with rq4. stop hating on her y'all. again, i just want to say thank you and *anxiety takes over* please don’t think im crazy. (Btw just thought of this, im gonna post some pics right after bc idk how to put them in here) i just want you to know this because you deserve to and honestly, it was helpful for me to put it all down and not try to cram it into you’re ask box in a few asks as possible. again, thanks and love you. ❤️ @vaveyard
Creepypasta #1171: My Wife Is Taking Care Of A Baby Doll More Than Our Daughter
the day my daughter was born I could tell that she was something special. We
named her Zooey and she was the smartest baby I have ever seen. Every single
month I loved my special little girl more and more, but for some odd reason my
wife distanced herself away from Zooey every single month. By the 6th month my
wife barely even gave Zooey a glance. I could tell it made Zooey sad, but I
didn’t really want to bring it up. I just wanted my daughter to know that I
loved her very much.
said her first word when she was 3 months old.
never really said “Mommy” or even “Mom”, but my wife never seemed to mind. If
anything she finally looked to be in a much better mood.
the time she was 6 months Zooey started to walk. She would still fall
sometimes, but I was completely blown away by how strong willed her young mind
was. Instead of crying whenever she fell she would just pick herself back up
and continue trying.
Zooey’s first birthday my wife was busy with work so I shared a very special
day with my daughter. I got her a chocolate cake for her to smash and devour.
She didn’t touch it, but she looked perfectly happy with staring at the cake
with a look of wonder on her face. We spent the rest of the day playing with
her presents until it was her bedtime. My wife didn’t come home until 10 pm. I
asked her where she was, but she just put her hand up to my face and walked
past me and into our bedroom.
sighed and watched tv until I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up to the sounds
of my wife and Zooey talking. My wife was trying to get her to say “Mommy”, but
Zooey kept clapping her hands while saying “Daddy!” with a wide smile on her
face. That was the last time my wife tried talking to Zooey.
the day of Zooey’s 2nd birthday my wife told me she was going to stay later at
work. I tried begging and reasoning with her to stay, but she just told me it
wasn’t worth it. I heard sniffles from behind me when my wife left the house. I
turned around to see a tear stricken Zooey staring out the door. She asked me
if mommy didn’t love her, but I just hugged her and told her that we both loved
her very much.
After I pulled away from the hug Zooey asked me, “Why doesn’t
she talk to me?” I told her that mommy was just stressed, and to not let it bug
her. I got her another cake, but she told me that she didn’t like to eat cake.
She thought it was too pretty to destroy.
a nod I left the cake on the dining room table and took out three brightly
colored bags from under the table. We have this tradition where I take out the
presents for her and rip the paper as carefully as possible. She liked using
the wrapping paper as little decorations for her room. The first two presents
were just little bow sets and a couple of new books. The third present was one
of those baby dolls you can feed and change. She was really excited about the
doll. She played with it in the living room by herself until it was time for
wife came back home at 11pm completely drunk. She looked like she was crying,
but I was far too tired to even acknowledge that she was there. She did it all
of the time to Zooey and now me. Our marriage was falling apart and I really
didn’t know how to fix it. I thought she was just going to go into the bedroom,
but she walked into the middle of the living room and picked up Zooey’s new
doll. After a couple of seconds she started to hug the doll and rock it back
and forth. The bottle and the 3 toy diapers were lying next to it and my wife
picked those up as well. She put the bottle up to the baby and started
whispering to it.
"Things that I have heard people say" starters (part 2)
•"This is an interesting conversation to walk in on.“
•"I didn’t have any breakfast.”
•"My lunch was half a chicken strip and a peanut.“
•"Which thing should we do first?”
•"Huh? What’s going on?“
•"I just got like a million notifications.”
•"You look really nice today!“
•"Why is this month so busy?”
•"Where are you going?“
•"Where are they going?”
•*bell rings* “Shut up.”
•*sings imperial march*
•"Is my face less red now?“
•"You wanna go? Let’s fight. You and me, right now. C'mon.“
•"I am so hungry.“
•*“You’re in trouble~” ooing*
•"Ooh, you’re gonna need some ice for that burn!“
•"I’m gonna drop this thing and it’s gonna make a loud noise.”
•"How to kill a conductor: by low brass.“
•"Are you a singer? You’d be a great singer.”
•"Stop being such a nazi, I can do what I want!“
•"I once convinced my entire 6th grade class that I was related to Hitler.”
•"Just shove it in their torso!“
•"This is completely wrong.”
•"Someone come sit on me I’m cold!“
•”[First name]! [Full name, including middle name(s)], where are you?!“
•"I’m from Nova Scotia where the weather is evil.”
•"What did I do today? I accidentally set my dad’s hair on fire.“
•"Yes, I’ve already eaten three children.”
•"Everything would eat a baby.“
•"And that is how you set your ass on fire.”
•"I go inside for one minute and the dog sets himself on fire!“
•"This person doesn’t have a head.”
•"You can just steal someone’s head.“
•"I’m collecting body parts.”
•"It’s weird; they have noses!“
•"Would you like a shoe?”
•"I love human feet!“
•"Nonononono! Lick my feet instead!”
•"It’s just a big pile of no.“
•”Hah as if I need sleep you petty mortal!
•"It’s so beautiful! F*cking dangerous, but beautiful.“
•”Just let them die. It’s a time-honoured tradition.“
•”Now there’s a trail of slime on my leg. Great.“
•"What a cute snail. Look at it. It’s so cute!”
•"Ice cream trucks are of the devil!“
•"If they will bring me shiny stolen things I will give them food. I feel like that’s a fair trade.”
•"I will live under your porch because I love you.“
•"Curse you, mocking ducks!”
•"Ducks are evil. But delicious!“
•"Um… there is a fungus on top of your trash can.”
•"Hypothetical book-spoiling assholes. They’re out there.“
•"Please do not burn the father.“
•"That is not a good.”
•"That solves the problem of killing people for shoes.“
•"Ah! I’m fine. Just tripped. While standing still. Nothing’s wrong.”
•"Flashlights aren’t exactly a skill.“
•"This is why I shouldn’t have a lightsaber.”
•"Those stars look like a giant stomping people to death.“
•“Star! I mean, I know it’s a meteor, but star!”
•"What are you doing!? …You’re charging my pelvis.“
•"Shh don’t wake the sleeping truckers.”
•"Just think of the army of kittens coming out of the mist!“
If two bottoms don't make a top, can two bottoms make a lasting relationship?
As life would have it, it will throw me as many curve balls in life as it damn well pleases.
1 swipe right, few messages later. We plan our date. Our dates are cute. He kissed me finally on date 3 after a movie as he dropped me off at my car. We concerted on date 4 and we kissed, danced and held hands the night away.
Date 5. We had planned to go to a festival to meet my friends but things go south and he ends up coming to my place. He ends up meeting my entire family instead of my friends. Things go great. He eats dinner with them, watches project runway, we buy my mom dessert and my dad eats out of the ice cream container and scoops him a spoonful to eat along side him. It was really smooth sailing. As uncomplicated as bringing home a boy home to your family should be.
I show him my room and he inquisitively looks around my chaotically organized room. He turns to me, pulls me in, kisses me passionately, let’s go and says, “you’re so lucky to have the family you do, thanks for having me here. *tippy toes to kiss me on the forehead* and you’re really cute too"
We make out, Netflix, make out during boring parts, turn on some music, make out some more. Eventually, we end up in naked, he gets really into pleasing me with my nipples, enjoying my moans and muscle tensing. He fingers me to the same moaning and muscle tensing effect that he does both at the same time and let’s just say, I’m happy the music was on.
Eventually, I whisper, do you want to fuck me?
He says yes, we condom and lube it up. And it sorta flat lines from there. He can’t get it in, he can’t get as hard cause he failed + now pressure to get it in + embarrassed. I reassure him and tell him it’s fine. To relax.
He then drops the bomb. “I generally just bottom. “
☠️ ☠️ ☠️
"But I’m really into you and I want to fuck you"
We pull back, making out and I get him hard again. Attempt 2 and same effect again. He’s embarrassed and feels bad. I tell him I still find him sexy as fuck and it’s not a big deal. We can just save our loads for tomorrow morning and we’ll be harder and even hornier.
We cuddle and sleep. Our sleeping chemistry is right and sleeping with him was nice. Morning comes around.
Round 3. And yeah, nope. We end up just kissing, sucking, jacking off and shooting our loads on each other. We clean up, fall back asleep, and he parts ways when we wake up.
All in all, it’s like 80% good. My mom even said to me the next day, "he seems promising."
And to circle back to the first question I asked,
Can two bottoms have a sustainable lasting relationship?
I had the sexless/passionless relationship and that didn’t work out. He is willing to top and is eager in seeing me pleasured so maybe he’ll just need practice. I can be verse too if he can? I wonder what he thinks.
I am not asking for the world or my life to be perfect, but can it just be enough for once?
You’d been back at work for a week and Spencer was due back in tomorrow. Emily had cornered you in the break area.
You weren’t. Not exactly.
You’d been cancelling his calls, yes. But you’d been responding to his messages. Albeit, with very short answers and only occasionally. Since that last night and the conversation you’d overheard the following morning, you just didn’t want to talk to him.
His words had hurt you, but you also blamed yourself for letting yourself get too involved.
You should have never got into this with him, but you had and you knew now that you’d made there biggest mistake ever. You’d let feelings develop, quite accidentally, feelings you hadn’t even realised were there until that fucking kiss.
The feeling of his lips on yours had set your body and mind on fire, even more so than the smack of his hand on your bottom. And the sex, well the sex was totally different . It had been completely ‘vanilla’, nothing kinky about it at all. The soft touches, the adoring looks, the long kisses. Everything about it had screamed that it wasn’t just fucking.
He’d be the one to say at the start of this that that was all this was, experimentation. And you’d accepted that, happily. Yet he was the one acting more and more like a boyfriend; staying with you when you’d been on your period, calling you in his time of need, introducing you to and leaving you with his mother.
And you’d explicitly said that kissing would confuse things and that it was out of bounds. So when he tilted your chin and gently placed his lips on to yours…..
It wasn’t like you’d been wanting him too, or had had a hidden agenda all along. But when he’d kissed you, it had made you realise that perhaps, just maybe, you did like him as more than a fuck buddy.
And when his words to his mom had felt like a punch in the stomach, you realised that you’d actually grown to like him as a LOT more than a fuck buddy.
This wasn’t going to end well, you could feel it. You’d have to see him tomorrow. Something you weren’t looking forward to at all.
“Y/N, he called me. You’ve not answered any of his calls and he says you’re being weird in your messages. You know it must be bad for him to ask me, considering he wasn’t terribly pleased that I know about you two. What’s wrong, has something happened?”
“No, nothings wrong. We’re fine. I’ve not been ignoring him.”
“I really hate that you’ve started lying to me, ya know. When did that start to happen?” She looked sad and you felt bad, but still annoyed.
“Probably right around the time you started profiling me. Which we swore we’d never do to each other.” You shot back, busying yourself by pulling a bottle of water from the fridge.
“I’m not… I’m not profiling you, Y/N. I swear it. He sent me a screenshot of one of the texts he’d sent you and your reply. You’re being short with him. What happened, what did he do?”
“Em….I can’t tell you. He’s essentially asking you to spy on me and report back.”
“Maybe. But I won’t. If you’ve got something you want to tell me, then I won’t say anything to him.”
You sighed, maybe it would be good to tell her.
“Promise?” you asked her.
“Of course. Promise.”
“He kissed me.”
She didn’t know. She didn’t know you didn’t do that with each other.
“We swore when we started screwing around that we wouldn’t kiss. That us NOT doing that would differentiate this from an actual relationship.”
She nodded, getting it.
“So he kissed you, that’s good right? You both like each other, anyone can see that. What’s the issue?”
“That’s what I thought. I thought that maybe we did both like each other and that just maybe, what we were doing would turn out to be more than just a friends with benefits type thing. Until I heard him tell his mom that it wasn’t like that, and that he couldn’t be in a relationship with me, that he’d never want to be.”
Her jaw dropped, not believing that the kind and sweet friend she had could say that.
“He really said that. After everything you’d done for him?”
You nodded sadly. “Yep. I obviously made a huge mistake and misjudged the situation terribly. And now I feel stupid. For even letting myself think that there was more there. It didn’t even cross my mind until he fucking kissed me. So stupid. So, so stupid.”
She hugged you quickly.
“You’re not stupid, Y/N. He is. I can’t believe he’d say that.”
“Well he did. He doesn’t know I heard though. And I don’t really want to tell him that I heard him saying he didn’t want me. I mean what the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Sweetie, there’s nothing wrong with you at all. You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. That boy must have had a bump on his head. I mean I know he’s going through some stuff with his dad right now, but still. What an idiot.”
“Yep…. So that’s why I’m being a bit short with him. And he’s back tomorrow. Emily, I don’t know that I can stand to be in the same room as him.”
You wanted to cry. You didn’t get like this over guys. Love em and leave em. Fuck em, if they rejected you, plenty more fish in the sea.
But this was a friend. A close friend who you’d trusted with secrets, a friend who had told you over and over how beautiful and how great you were. Someone you’d never thought would hurt you. But who had.
“Please don’t say anything to anyone Emily. Or him, either.”
“I won’t. But you know you’re gonna have to be normal around him when you’re here. The others will pick up on it so quickly if you’re not.”
You knew. Which is why you’d requested some paperwork from HR. Paperwork that you were carrying around with you, ready to fill in and hand in at any given moment.
BANG BANG BANG.
What the hell?
You’d fallen asleep on your couch when you’d got home from work.
Nap confusion was the worst.
BANG BANG BANG
You checked your watch. 10pm.
You hauled yourself up and sleepily lurched to the door, checking the peephole.
It was Reid.
“Open the door Y/N.”
Fine. Whatever. Maybe seeing him now would be better than tomorrow.
Your took off the chain and unlocked the door.
“What?” you greeted him flatly.
“Why are you being weird with me?” He demanded to know, putting his hand on the door frame. His bag was on the on the floor by him, his clothes rumpled. He’d come straight from the airport.
“You tell me. Why I am being weird with you, Reid? That’s the million dollar question apparently. One that Emily came to ask for you earlier today. Thanks for that by the way.” You could almost feel the drops of sarcasm dripping from your voice, Spencer looking somewhat taken aback.
“Just tell me what I did wrong okay? Was it the kiss? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to kiss you.”
No, of course he didn’t. He probably didn’t even want to do that either.
“So why the fuck did you then?”
“So it is about that then? You’re ignoring me because I kissed you?”
Not exactly but whatever. You shrugged.
“Alright, I’m sorry I kissed you. Although you could have asked me to stop. I don’t really understand why you’re being so pissy about it. It was just a kiss.”
Just kick me a little harder Spencer, just a little bit more, please.
“You knew I didn’t want that. So why did you do it?”
“Why did you kiss me Spencer? It was off limits.”
He looked confused now. And annoyed.
“You’re asking me why I kissed you? And you’re ignoring me because of it. I don’t get it.”
“No. Just leave please.” You went to shut the door but he put his hand out, stopping you.
“No. I don’t get what I’ve done wrong here.”
“I’ve told you. You kissed me and you shouldn’t have.”
“Then you shouldn’t have kissed me back.”
“Why did you do it? Why did you do it in the first place?” You wanted him to tell you it was because he wanted you. And what you’d overheard was just him trying to get his mom off his back.
He closed his eyes for a moment, exasperated.
“I don’t know why, alright. I don’t know. I’m sorry. It was only a kiss though, it didn’t mean anything Y/N.”
His eyes flew open. “I can’t believe you’re being like this over something so small and trivial. After everything I’ve been through over the past few weeks, and you’re not talking to me because I made a mistake and fucking kissed you? What happened to being my friend and being there for me?” He sounded angry now.
“Oh I tried to be there Spencer. I flew two and half thousand miles to be there for you, not that you asked me to or wanted me there. But not that you could have told me that outright.”
“What the hell are you on about now? Of course I wanted you there.”
“That’s not what you told your mother, Spencer. I heard you tell her that you hadn’t wanted me to come, among other things.”
His eyes narrowed at you. “So you were eavesdropping on a private conversation and heard something you didn’t like. I can’t even remember what I said to my Mom, Y/N. She was badgering me about you and what we were to each other and I just wanted her to leave it alone. What did I say? What did I say that’s causing you to act like a total bitch to me.”
“Spencer, just leave.”
“No. Tell me what I said. It was clearly something offensive. Tell me.”
“That you didn’t want me! That you never would!”
His mouth opened and then closed again slowly, repeating the movement.
You carried on.
“Look, I know that this was just meant to be about sex, an experimentation. But you kissed me, you held me, hell Spencer; that last night we were together was totally different. And I’m sorry, but I fucking felt something else. And that terrified me. But you told your mom that I was nothing to you, that we’d never be anything more than friends. That you could never be in a relationship with me and you’d never want to. And that I shouldn’t have come. So I figured if I’m nothing to you, then I’ll BE nothing to you.”
His eyes searched your face, his mouth still trying to form words.
“Y/N… I….. I…. ”
“Say something Spencer.”
“I can’t…. I don’t know what to.”
How about I’m sorry. I’m an idiot? That it meant something?
This time when you went to close the door, he let you.