ELLIE-IS-ME

this is tracee ellis ross’ disembodied voice gassing me up & me about to scream “SHUT UP YOUR MOM’S DIANA ROSS!!!!” at her before we flexed together

me when i meet katie: im sorry tha i laughed tha time when i saw u gettin ya ass nailed and im sorry tha i made a post about it and im sorry im repeatin this to u

katie listenin to all this: who the fuck are u how u get into my house

me, in tears now: katie im so sorry

katie,  alarmed: im callin the police

Doesn't Look A Day Over 20

Context: Our party of four includes a young adult Sylph Psychic (Elli, me) and a grizzled, middle-aged Human Fighter (Ted). We’ve just reached the top room of a tower to be confronted with the embodiment of the North Wind, and the last puzzle was a Mastermind-style game which shocked almost all the party (huzzah for my electricity resistance). The solution was the first letters of each of our names, and mine was first.

Elli: Why did you begin with me?

North Wind (DM): Because you’re mine.

Elli: Like… granddaughter, great-granddaughter?

NW: No, you’re mine.

Elli: …How is that…

Ted: You see, Elli, when two people love each other — 

Elli: I AM THIRTY YEARS OLDER THAN YOU, I KNOW THAT PART OF IT!

Ted (OOC): Really?

Elli (OOC): Yeah, I’m a sylph, I’m like 80.

Ted (OOC): I’m only 42.

Elli (OOC): So more like 40 years.

anonymous asked:

RFA + V reacts to an MC who looks a hell lot like Jumin!!!

a|n this is a very old ask request and i can’t stop laughing tho this is so crack im crying in laughter lmao thank u anon

RFA + MC who looks a lot like Jumin

Zen

  • he went bat shit crazy when he first saw you in front of his door step
  • he’s like, “What the fuck?” because why is Jumin Han in front of my door, cosplaying as a girl?? is this some kind of a prank just because he got injured??
  • you pursed your lips and huffed because zen that’s not really a very nice thing to say to a guest
  • “If you don’t want me here, I can lea-”
  • he is so sh0okt
  • and maybe a bit relieved
  • because ok you sound really like a real girl but ur face and overall initial features were so much alike with Jumin he’s just
  • w o w how even
  • he would often ask u, “Are you sure you’re not related to that trust fund jerk?”
  • and he would cringe whenever u look at him bemused with his questions
  • because its like jumin is staring straight @ his soul
  • though he loves u so much?? but hes just really bothered that u look a lot like him
  • sometimes he would scream while waking up because he forgot that ur with him
  • and he’d think “Why are you here, you trust fund jerk?!”
  • and ur like lolzen its just me
  • “Oh, right. I’m sorry, babe.”
  • what even

Jaehee

  • ok she is initially bothered because
  • “Mr. Han?”
  • but when you said something that only the two of you talked about while PMing in the messenger
  • she sighed in relief
  • but is still initially bothered because w o w even your face looks so much like Jumin except that maybe you’ve got longer hair with the same color
  • one day she asked you 
  • “How are you related to Mr. Han, MC?”
  • and ur like uh no
  • idk why would i be related to him?
  • “Is he a distant relative of yours? Uhm, are you his … sister?”
  • jaehee what no
  • and sometimes she would forget that u were with her
  • because when she would pass by you sitting at the dining table she’d often have mini heart attacks
  • because you even eat like jumin w t f
  • and then she’d be relieved because right she’s with mc
  • one day though “Mr. Han has distant siblings.”
  • “No, Jaehee.”
  • “Oh, okay. I-I thought, sorry, you just resemble him so much.”
  • she loves you but when will Jumin stop haunting her
  • even inside her house she can see his f a c e

Jumin

  • ok boi this is hella funny
  • the moment you arrived in front of his doors, even his body guards were so sh0okt of your appearance
  • one even stammered, “M-Mr. Han?” and they all elbowed each other because is Mr. Han really dressing up as woman lololol
  • and isnt he inside the house how come he’s out??
  • but then you’re like um no i actually came for him cue bothered coughs from them
  • one of his security led you to his bedroom door and knocked, announcing your arrival
  • and the moment Jumin opened the door, he immediately slammed it back to your face he was fucking sh0okt
  • wow jumin what a jerk move
  • he was so confused?? he’s like why is someone looking like me outside of my door and inside my house?? he was expecting mc not a look a like
  • he heaved a troubled sigh before opening the door again
  • “Luciel, I have no time for your games. Go home.” god 707 had already done so many things just to sneak inside his house to kidnap elly tbh
  • “No, Jumin, it’s me.”
  • and he was caught off guard because at least he knows Luciel can’t bend his voice to that extent
  • and he knew what you sound like
  • “MC?” he blinked, initially surprised because
  • w o w how is this even possible how do you look so much like him is this a way of the heavens telling him to procreate using his own genes wtf
  • and before everything he initially makes sure you weren’t, by any means, truly related to him because he can’t marry a family member now can he
  • he was very relieved when everything turned out negative
  • and he would often prance you around like he was so proud of you he’d brag about how beautiful you are and how he’s lucky to meet his match made in heaven
  • even his bodyguards are deeply bothered with the fact that you look so much like their boss
  • and they can’t imagine the moans and screams they often hear outside his bedroom and the faces that pops inside their minds are:
  • Mr. Han doing Mr. Han
  • oh my god
  • and everyone who saw you with him is like: “Is she your little sister?”
  • “No, she’s my wife.”
  • wow jumin you can’t marry yourself
  • even one Mr. Han is enough
  • but now, two???
  • juminception

Yoosung

  • okay why is jumin in front of my doorstep?? would his initial thought be
  • but then you’d tell him it’s you he’s really relieved because he knew your voice!!
  • he’d gush about how you look so much like jumin
  • he’d tell you if jumin was a girl he’s gonna look so much like you
  • and that you are very beautiful
  • and you cough at his statements because didn’t he just indirectly admit that jumin is hot??
  • still sometimes he’d stare at you for hours
  • probably thinking w ow how is this what on earth why do you look so much like jumin
  • the poor boi would probably bug u several times “How come you look so much like him? Are you sure you’re not his relative?”
  • and youre like no yoosung i don’t even know him personally like ever except of course inside the messenger
  • he’d have mini heart attacks because your resting face is very much identical to jumin’s it’s almost s c a r y
  • it’s like jumin was indirectly telling him to do good or he’ll fail later in life
  • and he’d be 10 times more pressured than he already is
  • poor bby

Seven

  • ok so seven
  • already knew this
  • that’s why he was not very surprised though the extent of his stalking skills went as far as your first pet when you were 5
  • he’d often tease you about how you look so much like jumin and he’d take snapshots of you and send it to the fellow members inside the chatroom
  • of course everyone is very sh0okt
  • “Why is Jumin dressed as a woman inside your house, Seven?”
  • and he’s like LOLOLOLOL no u guys this is mc
  • they’re like “WHAT?”
  • and you’re like “Yes, that me.”
  • wow how can this be how can u look so much like jumin did he have a secret sister or something
  • and seven’s like ‘that my girl’
  • you’d be trolling them with seven, cosplaying magical girls and animal sexy outfits as pranks and you’d be pranking jumin by sending some photos to his office
  • and this adds more fuel to the does jumin han is gay rumors
  • and to the chatroom
  • and everyone’s like “Okay that’s enough. We can’t take anymore of Jumin posing like that.”
  • and jumin’s like mc stop that don’t sink like him
  • and you’re like lololololol it’s fun
  • initially everyone just thinks you’re like the opposite of what jumin won’t dare to do
  • *high 5s seven

V

  • ok wow he is so precious he’d smile fondly while meeting you
  • because how can u look like his best bro
  • how come did this happen
  • was the world concealing something from him??
  • he’d be having an internal turmoil because jumin didn’t tell him anything about having a twin sister
  • and you’re like “No, we’re not really related, V.”
  • and he’s like o h
  • he’d be super embarrassed because how come u read his mind
  • was he that obvious??
  • still he’d love taking pictures of you
  • and he’s not the least crept out about how you look
  • he’s like you’re the most perfect canvas for him
  • but he also makes sure you’re not really related to jumin in anyway by doing background investigations about your origins
  • because what if, what if jumin was really like your brother or something
  • he’d feel bad if he just snagged you like that without asking jumin’s permission
  • he’d often take stolen shots of you because he wants to imprint your face in his life forever
  • you’d sometimes catch him smiling while looking at u
  • he’s pretty amused the entire time you’re with him
  • thank for putting a smile on his precious face
The Mistake (Prologue) - Stiles Stilinski

Author: @were-cheetah-stiles

Title: “The One With The Pact”

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Allison Argent & Reader

Author’s Note: A few weeks ago, @fillthevoid-stilinski and I were talking about her series, Between Us, which is an excellent Scott/fake relationship mini, and she was like, you know what I want to read? A Stiles/fake relationship fic, and I want you to write it. Seeing as her big TWO-OH is coming up on October 18th, and I also worship the ground she walks on, I obliged her. This is my birthday gift to my Posey, the other half of Eat, and one third of the Puppy Pack, and just my all-around across the pond soulmate. I hope you all enjoy this fake relationship, Stiles mini series. 

Thanks: huge thanks to @ellie-bee242 for helping me finally come up with the idea of how this fic was going to go. I literally would never have come up with this without her.

Series Summary: When Stiles Stilinski and Y/n Y/L/N were sixteen years old, they made a pact: if in twenty years, they were both still single and their friends had all gotten married, they would marry each other. At twenty-six, a turn of events and a wedding, change their entire lives.

Prologue - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Epilogue

Originally posted by dylanobrienaddicted26

“I still feel bad for Isaac and Kira though.” You said, sitting on the counter in Stiles’ kitchen, eating an apple, while he stared at his open fridge. 

Stiles closed the door halfway so that he could look at you on the other side of it. “Are you telling me you were rooting for anyone but Scott and Allison ending up together?” He rolled his eyes and went back to searching for something to munch on.

“Of course not, they’re our best friends, and they’re sickeningly cute together, and she loves him so much, I wanted them to get back together. I just feel bad for, well, Isaac mostly. Kira and Scott were never that serious, but Isaac seemed pretty into Al.”

Stiles closed the door, not having found anything, and stared up at you, crunching your way through the granny smith apple in your hand. “Yea, well, maybe if he stopped wearing those fucking scarves when it’s the middle of May, he would get the girl.” You smirked and rolled your eyes at your best friend, not indulging his irrational hatred of Isaac’s scarves with a reply. “Did you just roll your eyes at me?” Your smirk grew into a smug grin, which you broke when you took another bite from the piece of fruit, and then shrugged. “Oh, well then, I hate you, and you don’t get to eat my fruit.”

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