I cannot possibly emphasize what a constant trial it is being friends with me.

5

Kíli can’t tell elf genders apart, he just finds everyone really pretty.

(I headcanon that dwarves express their gender with braids, as it’s simple but effective and can be changed as the individual sees fit. As elves don’t have a similar system, younger Dwarves find it difficult to address elves with proper pronouns, because “what do you mean we have to guess based on their features? Assume based on stereotypical traits, how impolite!”)

Modern Fantasy Things: Subways
  • subways that run on magic
  • ghosts and vampire conductors
  • goblins at toll booths licking metro cards to see if they have money on them
  • dwarves dug the original tunnels and are always digging new ones
  • elves riding completely still, unaffected by all the bumps and turns
  • hobbits, dwarves, and other smaller beings complaining about the lower railings always filling up first
  • underwater sections for merpeople
  • centaurs letting their friends sit on their backs when it’s crowded
  • rails under seats for gnomes, brownies, etc.
  • pixies and fairies sitting on high railings
  • witches bringing on cauldrons
  • runes/charms scrawled on seats and advertisements
  • florescent crystals and gems are the light
  • a train car possessed by the ghost of a dragon, never late but always smells like something is burning
  • train cars that levitate
  • train cars that arent corporeal

Consider a fantasy story where, as often seems to happen in this genre, a young human is pulled from their world into a world of magic and elves and wizards and prophecies.

But this happens just about every other Tuesday in this world because the resident soothsayer is a little trigger-happy and is spouting off prophecies left and right. So there’s been an influx of teenaged humans without adult supervision and the reigning queen had to set up an investigative bureau and a complaints department just to deal with this problem.


So our human protagonist finds themselves in a dark spooky forest, stuck in some kind of ewok-style trap. Along comes a bearded elf (don’t tease him about the beard, he’s trying to make a good impression on the dwarf lady in charge of his department) who looks up at the net, sighs, and out comes the paperwork.


“If you wouldn’t mind, please state your name, age, and how you came to this realm.”


“How what now?”


“What was it? Wardrobe? Magic portal? Dragged under the bed by trolls?”


“Um…I just woke up here?” They mumble, confused.


“Alrighty,” the elf flips a few pages. “We’ll just skip to section D then. Any inherent magic? Any strange inheritances received lately?”


“No?” The protagonist leans on the net. “I mean, my former roommate gave me their old David Bowie CD collection, but I don’t think that counts.”


The elf nods once or twice, hard to tell if he’s listening or not, and pencils a few things in. “Alright, we’re almost done with the preliminary stuff, then we can get you out of there and down to the Bureau so we can get you home. Current status of parents or parental figures?”


The protagonist cringes. “Um…not applicable, I guess.”


“Oh dear. And your age again is-?”


“Er…fourteen?”


At this the elf sighs. “Oh no, not another one. Some days I’d like to shake some sense into that soothsayer, really, I would. I swear I am this close to setting myself up as the next evil wizard around here just so I can keep some of these would-be heroes out of trouble.”


He then flings his pencil, sharp as a knife, and down comes the net with Protagonist inside. The elf helps them to their feet and brushes the leaves off their shoulders.

“Alright then, you,” he grumbles, “Lets get you down to the Bureau with the other three prophecy-kids who turned up this week.”

He has so much paperwork to do now.

9

middle earth aesthetics erebor

ah, frodo, erebor! built deep within the mountain itself, the beauty of this fortress city was legend. its wealth lay in the earth, in precious gems hewn from rock and in great seams of gold running like rivers through stone. the skill of the dwarves was unequaled, fashioning objects of great beauty out of diamond, emerald, ruby, and sapphire.

10

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

8

Middle Earth meme | [3/3] races Dwarves

↳   Dwarves were a race in Middle-earth also known as the Khazad, the Naugrim (meaning ‘Stunted People’), and Gonnhirrim (meaning 'Masters of Stone’).
The Dwarves were made by Aulë, whom they themselves call Mahal, meaning “maker.” Aulë was unwilling to wait for the coming of the Children of Ilúvatar, for he was impatient and desired to have someone to teach his lore and crafts. Therefore, he made the first Seven Fathers of the Dwarves in secret in a hall under the mountains of Middle-earth.