Or, “How I tried to explain Final Fantasy to my non-gaming friends and family, based from personal experience/knowledge of the top of my head/please don’t message me to correct me, internet.”
Final Fantasy : You are a time-traveling knight and with your four friends you save the world in the past/present and then fight Chaos in the future
Final Fantasy 2: You and your friends are attacked by a Dark Paladin and you form a rebel base against the Empire
Final Fantasy 3: You and your friends change your jobs often and become the Warriors of Light to save the world
Final Fantasy 4: Wars between different races, one of the planets may be earth. Bards are spoony
Final Fantasy 5: Voids, amnesia, Bartz sees a meteor
Final Fantasy 6: You play as Terra, who is an amnesiatic bad-ass super soldier initially, but the game switches you between a robust cast of characters.There is an Opera. Final Fantasy’s resident Joker actually destroys the world. Finally, a villain who keeps their promises. Also, if this was your first final fantasy, you feel obligated to hate on anyone whose fave FF is 7.
Final Fantasy 7: You are a bad-ass super soldier, Cloud Strife, who joins a band of Eco-Terrorists against an evil corporation that you used to work for. Your former superior officer and childhood hero has mommy issues. It’s all fun and games until about mid-way through the game and then shit gets real. Really real. It’s been 20 years and no one who loves this game has recovered. Square Enix continues to milk this franchise because they know they can. Also, you suffer from amnesia.
Final Fantasy 8: You are a bad-ass super soldier who is an orphan with a fated rivalry with a weirdo obsessed with chivalry. It seems that everyone’s dad is involved in some soap-opera level drama. You may have actually died mid-way through the game, and it took the fans ten years after this game’s release to realize this. Also everyone as amnesia. - (thanks @
mezzaleonhart for reminding me!!)
Final Fantasy 9: After two games with Cyberpunk/Dystopia aesthetics, someone at Squeenix thought that what the lineup really needed was fug SD medieval aesthetics. Despite this design choice and sometimes getting lost in the shuffle between 7,8 and 10, 9 is a solid game with an amazing soundtrack. It’s the game that has Vivi. Even if you didn’t play FF9 when it came out, this will be the only fact you know about 9, because your first and probably only interaction with Vivi was in Kingdom Hearts 2.
Final Fantasy 10: You are a dumb goodhearted jock with daddy-issues who gets drafted into escorting a cute priestess and her lovable band of weirdos on what is literally a death march. You teach the priestess how to laugh…it’s a cringe-worthy scene that has become an initiation ritual for all the plebs who’ve pick up this game. There is a cyclical world-destroying terror that forms every decade so it’s a race against time to stop it, but for some reason you have time to compete in the underwater soccer equivalent of the World Cup. You eventually destroy a world’s religion and faith structure. Everything you thought you knew turns out to be a lie, because this is Final Fantasy and therefore, as the main character you can’t have a happy ending, ever…until Squeenix granted your entry the first ever sequel to a main-line game and reunited you with your love interest and gave you a happy ending. Meanwhile the FF7 fans continue to cry and look expectantly at Squeenix, who- like Lucille Bluth, gets off on withholding- only gives the 7 fans breadcrumbs in the form of AU games, movies, and spin-off games which feature near misses between Cloud and Aerith, or if we’re lucky Aerith appearing kinda on screen for 2 seconds. *breathes* Also, everyone in X, is able to breath underwater…why was this never addressed?
Final Fantasy 11: It’s an MMORPG. Bad empire destroys your village…you become a knight…join a guild or something? IDK, it’s an MMROPG, whatevs floats your boat
Final Fantasy 12: There is a war between kingdoms, the princess faked her death, a war hero is branded a traitor, your brother went to war and is now comatose. You are a lovable street urchin who wants to be an air pirate…I think? IDK, I convinced myself this game would be good and played it longer than I should have. Fell asleep after two hours of running around a market place shouting lies at people. Game required me to get licenses for every dumb mechanic…what was the point? The game ended up playing itself. I spent $80 on launch night for what is essentially a movie about airships and blondes…but it actually had a happy-ish ending? Kinda? IDK, it’s been ten years since this game came out and I still have buyer’s remorse. Also it has FF’s version of Han Solo and a sexy playboy bunny Chewbacca. By the time this game came out on PS2, everyone had forgotten about it because Squeenix announced FF 13 and FF13vs for the upcoming PS3. Also, congrats FF12, you killed off my favorite character within the first 5 seconds of the game. You bastards.
Final Fantasy 13: You are a badass super soldier female protag, there are summons, an adorable pretty-much official lesbian couple, awesome parent/child and sibling relationship subplots. Religious Empire is a lie, but after you destroy it, you actually get punished because let’s face it- y’all had selfish and self-serving interests…and run into other selfish assholes who like to fuck around with the time-continuity for their own needs, over the course of three games. Also, you hate your sister’s fiance at first…and I don’t blame you- he dresses like a hobo and is a grown ass man who likes to street fight children. Thank god, he eventually grows up after 5000 years. And there is amazing character development. Amazing game, amazing battle systems, with an intricate story line that was worth it becoming a trilogy. However no one played 13 initially, because haters gonna hate that the story was too “linear” >_> (whatever the fuck that criticism means). Whatever y'all missed out. Seriously go back and play these games, they don’t pull their punches.
Final Fantasy 14: It’s an another MMORPG. You can be whatever class, race, or other customization option the game lets you be. Go nuts.
Final Fantasy 13-vs Final Fantasy 15: I am sure there will be Crystals, Evil Empires, Gods and Goddesses at play, time traveling, shit getting real and possibly amnesia, but after four hours of playing, it’s shaping up to be the love-child between Zoolander (pretty boys and product placement) and the Hangover, minus the booze and drugs and losing the groom, but the car gets fucked up and you, a Prince, are broke af. It’s okay you, and your emo-boyband Wolfpack will push your car to the finish line…because it’s taken you damn long enough to get here.
*Me and daddy having dinner with my parents*
Daddy and Mom: *talking about me when I was six*
Mom: She used to watch cartoons all the time, and I would always have to buy her stuffed animals when we went out or she’d throw a tantrum.
Daddy: She still watches cartoons. We watch Steven Universe together all the time.
Mom: How cute. She really is still a kid.
Me: *Blushing like crazy*
Daddy: Well that’s alright. I still love her anyways. *smiles at me* I love you baby girl.
Me: I love you too da-…da-dumb muffin!
Me:Y-yeah! I’m baby girl, he’s dumb muffin! *nervously sweats*
Daddy: *face palms*
Sometimes you just can’t help but feel like a dumb dumb.
“Oh no, baby baby baby nononono!”
This wasn’t what Yoongi expected to find when he came back home. He expected the usual: to unlock the door, open it, and be bombarded with a flurry of arms and legs and kisses and giggles, hurriedly asking him, “DaddyDaddyDaddy did you have a nice day? Do you want to play now?”
And Yoongi would gladly scoop you up and patting your bottom, return your kisses with the word, “Alright, baby, but we have to eat first, okay?”
That’s what he had expected. But what he saw in front of him right now was the complete opposite.
What if johan was a nervous wreck before he and unisnav met their adopted son for the first time (possible Drabble idea? Maybe?)
Usnavi sat there, he squeezed Johan’s hand while they waited in a cozy living room space. The agency was nice, beyond nice, they went and interviewed them several times. The no longer newlyweds finally starting this chapter in their life. Yet Usnavi didn’t feel the excitement he did when he turned the page of marriage. He didn’t feel elated. What if the kid didn’t like him…or worse what if he didn’t like the kid. He closed his eyes and felt a cold sweat form at the back of his neck. Softly, he felt the kind words of his husband whisper into his ear. “Breathe…he’ll be here soon.” Johan sounded excited, of course he did. From the moment the first pictures were sent Johan loved their son.
Their…son? No…this kid wasn’t their son yet. Perhaps Johan was experiencing that thing Benny talked about with Nina. How a mother just knew they were a mother just by the first feeling of their baby. Johan knew just as little about their adopted son as Usnavi did but he was beyond in love with him. He decorated, nested, doted on every detail. Johan was never the organizer but Usnavi lacked in this field. He stood back while Johan steered this ship to uncharted waters. Johan was becoming a fine father for someone who never raised a child.
Usnavi helped raised Sonny. Usnavi was a godfather, he was always around kids so why…why was this so hard for him. “Jo…” He mumbled worried that this was a mistake, maybe he should go. He should leave before his fears were confirmed. Then Johan looked up at him, those soft eyes near tears. Happy tears…how could Usnavi take this away from him? “…just a little worried.”
“Me too…all this waiting…and practice…” Johan bit down on his lip, misinterpreting what Usnavi meant. “I want to make sure I got this right.”
“Yeah…I mean..its not that I’m worried maybe this isn’t –” before Usnavi could break Johan’s heart the door opened. The social worker walked in with a child clung to her hip. Usnavi looked away as fast as he could like Medusa was staring back at him…It was now or never. He waited for Johan to react, he turned his head and noticed his husband had gotten up from the couch and crossed over. He knelt down by the woman and boy and smiled up at him.
Usnavi watched from his peripheral vision. He watched Johan sign with his hand, and within the second the child leaped into Johan’s arms and clung to him. Of course the boy loved Johan. Anyone would fall for him, it was Usnavi who was worried. “He’s beautiful.” Johan whispered with so much love and adoration, Usnavi actually felt jealous. Jealous Johan could form love so easily and Usnavi was here struggling just to look. Finally Usnavi turned his head, and stared the nightmare of his doubts down head on.
His heart melted.
There in Johan’s safe arms was a toddler, tanned skin, dark hair, the biggest most empathetic, dewy doe eyes Usnavi had ever seen. He was devastated now. His child was a dream child, a child they had seen though pictures but in the flesh was 100x more amazing. Terror froze him, he loved this child, did the child love him back? Usnavi swallowed a bit, thankfully the social worker spoke giving him a moment to remember his signs. Their son was partially deaf, struggling with learning English audibly and verbally. He was delayed in that sense but signed fine. Johan turned his body, patiently waiting for Usnavi to say something or sign something.
Usnavi rubbed his nose a bit and gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing. “Hi, son.” He spoke and sighed with his hands. “I’m your father, U-S-N-A-V-I” He watched as the child tilted his head. He looked up at Johan as if looking for confirmation. Usnavi didn’t know what else to say, the child didn’t look like he hated him, but he didn’t look interested either. Great…his heart was breaking at the idea of his own son finding him indifferent. Usnavi looked at Johan and shrugged a little.
Finally finding some more resolve in Johan’s eyes he signed once more, “I love you, so much son” He waited for a second, maybe two. He never felt this nervous before. Not when asking Johan to marry him, not when he first kissed Johan. This was a fear unlike anything he felt before. Right when he thought his world ended here, the child signed back with a little more speed and care.
‘I love you, too’ Then he reached for him. He loved him too.
I TOTALLY READ THIS BACKWARDS. I AM SO SORRY I AM DUMB AND TIRED. I HOPE THIS IS OK IF NOT GIMME TOMORROW
do you think shiro and keither do couples yoga, and sometimes the kids want to join in doing yoga too??
[The Voltron Family] Shiro and Keith usually attend couples yoga twice a month, and Allura would babysit the kids. It’s usually one of Keith and Shiro’s alone time to relax and be free from responsibilities.
So while they were at their session… they were at the back btw, they heard some commotion outside of the studio. Suddenly, Lance’s head peeked inside the door…
Lance: *looks around* *squints* Keith: *eyes widens* *whispers to himself* Oh my god. Lance: *turns to someone behind him* *says out loud* They’re not here, Pidge! Auntie Allura lied to us! Pidge: *voice can only be heard* But Auntie Allura said they’re here. Hunk: *worried voice but still really loud* What if they got daddynapped! Lance: *does the pish-posh gesture* Don’t be dumb, Hunk! Daddy Shiro can snap someone’s arm with just one swing. Shiro: *sweats nervously* *looks at Keith* Pidge: And Daddy Keith can punch someone’s teeth out like no big deal. Part of the yakuza remember? Bet he can kill someone by just looking at them. Lance: I wouldn’t even doubt it. Keith: *sweats nervously* *looks around*
The people in the room are all confused and shocked at the conversation they were hearing from the kids talking out loud outside their studio. Finally the yoga instructor stood up and approached the kids outside.
Instructor: Hi, kids. Where are your parents? Hunk: *turns around* We’re looking for them. Have you seen them? Instructor: *smiles weakly* Where did you see them last? Pidge: Auntie Allura said they went to yoga so she drove us here. She’s on her way up here actually. She’s a bit slow cause she said she’s very stressed with the stuff happening at the hospital. Not that I blame her or anything, even Daddy Shiro is always stressed but Daddy Keith would always kiss his worries away so it’s all good. Dunno if Auntie Allura has someone like Daddy Keith though I’m sure Daddy Keith would be okay to kiss her worries goodbye, too. Instructor: *eyes widens at the over sharing* Pidge: *steps inside the studio* Are they in here? *turns to Lance* I don’t trust Lance. Lance: Hey!!! *steps inside with Pidge and Hunk joins them too* Instructor: What are your parents’ names? They might be in my class. Hunk: Daddy Keith and Daddy Shiro. Instructor: *raises an eyebrow*
At the back Keith nudged Shiro to do something.
Shiro: *stands up* S-Sorry. They’re our kids. Lance: *eyes widens* *sees his daddies* *runs quickly* *glomps at Shiro* I’ve missed you soooooo much. *nuzzles* Other people in the room: Awwwwwwwwwwwwww <3 *coos* Pidge and Hunk: *runs to Keith* *hugs him* Keith: *hugs back* Hey, what are you all doing here? Pidge: Hunk said he missed you. Hunk: *blushes* But you said you miss them, too, Pidge! Pidge: Well, yeah. But you said it first. Instructor: *clears her throat* Shiro: Oh right. Um, why don’t you kids stay at the back while continue with class, yeah?
So the kids stayed at the back but they got bored waiting for them. Allura left already so instead they started copying what their daddies were doing. The whole class found them so adorable so in the next sessions, Lance, Hunk and Pidge joined their daddies all in their yoga outfits. They were beside them of course. The others loved them because suddenly the class were full of childish giggles cause Lance couldn’t do this and that so Daddy Shiro had to help him a lot of times and it tickles him every time.
So after their first session with the kids… someone approached Keith.
Person #1: So is it really true? That you’re part of the yakuza? Keith: *sweats nervously* W-what? Where did you get that idea? Person #2: So you and Shiro are actually married? I thought you guys were brothers. *laughs* Shiro: *from somewhere in the room* ONCE AGAIN, KEITH AND I ARE NOT BROTHERRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. WE KISS EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME! AND CUDDLE IN BED!!!!!! Keith: *shakes his head in amusement* Forgive my husband. Person #1: You have such adorable kids. Adopted? Keith: *smiles quietly* Yeah, they’re the best thing that has ever happened to us actually. Lance: *quietly sneaks in* *raises eyebrows up and down* Come again, Daddy Keith? We’re what? The Best Children In The World? Keith: *rolls his eyes* *grabs his hand* We’re heading back to the car now. Lance: *giggles* I was thinking, can I do ballet? I feel like I can pull it off. Keith: *walks towards Shiro who’s holding Hunk and Pidge* Yes, you can, Lance. *turns to him* When do you want to start? Lance: *beams* *excited* *squeezes Keith’s hand* Can Hunk and Pidge join too? It would be amazing!!
open up your open up your open up your throat and let them go let them go let them go let them go i know it sucks that daddys dumb but try and think of what you want youve got to open up your open up your open up your throat MAN