I am literally a weirdo. I’m afraid of having allergic reactions to things I’m not allergic to. I’m afraid of overdosing on drugs just because i think about that drug — like i will have no drugs in my system and I’m afraid of that thinking about it will make me overdose. I’m afraid of being bitten by poisonous snakes when there are no poisonous snakes around.. I’m afraid of being loved and never being loved. I’m afraid to go hang out and smoke weed with people cause they might try to rape me. I’m afraid to drink with people cause they might slip me something and try to rape me. I’m afraid of having babies but i want babies someday. i don’t believe in marriage and i don’t want a wedding. i hate the word fiancé. i’m hopelessly in love with my friends fiancés best friend and he doesn’t like me back. I’ve cried about this on more than one occasion. My mom is disappointed in everything i do and yet i still want to please her all the time. i used to cut myself. I’m on and off bulimic. I’m addicted to food. I’ve only ever kissed people when I’m drunk. theres a girl that just followed me on twitter that i secretly hope is gay so we can date. i call myself a pig and a cow when i gain weight. I’m convinced no one will ever love me because I’m fat. i have such bad anxiety that i have a panic attack everyday. i have such bad social anxiety that when people are mean to me it makes me feel like god and the world are against me. i believe in luck. i believe in god. sometimes i believe everything happens for a reason. I’ve never had sex. I judge other fat people. I’m only happy if I think my friends are fatter than me. I avoid eye contact with attractive people because I don’t feel worth it. I want people to believe Im happy even though I’m not. I fake a british accent at school so people with think I’m interesting. when boys like my pictures i think they’re secretly in love with me. there is a version of me in my head that i aspire to be but will never become. i want to become a famous singer but I’m afraid people will make fun of me if i tell them that. I’ve written love songs about boys who’ve never loved me. i dye my hair to match who ever I’m in loves with ex-girlfriends hair. i want to share some of this on facebook but I’m somewhat afraid of being judged. I wish i was asexual so that i wouldnt have to feel things for people. I cry about boys not loving me all the time. I hate speanding time with my engaged friend because it remindsme how ugly and stupid and sad an alone I am. I measure my self worth by how other people think of me. I cannot make up my mind. Hearing the word no is the most devastating thing for me. getting older scares the shit out of me. I AM A WEIRDO AND I AM CRAZY BUT THAT IS WHO I AM.

Join us for the 1st Annual NYC Overdose Awareness Day!

On September 9, 2014, the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene will host the 1st Annual NYC Overdose Awareness Day to raise awareness about opioid overdose and to commemorate those who have been lost.

1pm-2:15pm: Overdose prevention training. Overdose Rescue Kits with Naloxone (Narcan) will be dispensed.  Naloxone is a medication that reverses the effects of overdose and can save lives.

2:30pm-3:15pm: Presentation by the Bureau of Alcohol and Drug Use Prevention, Care and Treatment highlighting work currently being done to address the overdose crisis in NYC.

3:30pm-5pm: Panel discussion with individuals who have been impacted by overdose.

All events will take place in Room 3-32. Refreshments will be served.

Space is limited! For free registration, click here.

Vesta Williams died of possible drug overdose

Vesta Williams died of possible drug overdose

Vesta Williams who died on September 22nd in California may have died of a possible drug overdose according to the coroner’s office.   The coroner’s office gave word that the body of Vesta Williams was discovered at 6:15pm in a hotel room in El Segundo, California and they are indicating that drugs may have played an integral role in her downfall. Toxicology examination will be completed within six weeks so there is noway to be certain until then but all signs they say point to the drug overdose.   TMZ say that there was multiple empty bottles of prescription pills found scattered in the room where Vesta Williams was found dead. With any death comes the obvious influx of Twitter tributes with people such as Sheryl Lee Ralph saying “I am so deeply saddened at the passing of my diva friend Vesta Williams. RIP Vesta.” and Donnie Smith added his own tribute saying “Vesta Williams had an amazing voice & a cool, down, funny personality. A Kool Breeze just came thru Heavens gates. You will be missed Vesta.”

Glee Star Cory Monteith Found Dead, Drug Overdose

Early Saturday morning, Glee star Cory Monteith was found dead in his Vancouver hotel room of a drug overdose.

It is still unclear as to why Cory was visiting Vancouver, whether it be for work or to visit his family. Monteith’s body was discovered by Fairmont hotel staff around noon on Saturday, having been deceased for a few hours.

The night before his death, Monteith had gone out on hang with some friends and returned early that morning by himself.

Monteith admitted himself into rehab back in April, and made it public that he has struggled drug addiction for most of his life.

He passed away at age 31.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to his friends and family.

Little Problems

One of the most enlightening jobs I ever had was working as a hospital patient sitter.  I was given the task of sitting with patients who required 24 hour observation.  Many of these patients were admitted after over dosing on drugs, failed suicide attempts or psychotic episodes.  To say this was an emotional and mentally straining job is an understatement. 

But from this job I gained lots of wisdom, and luckily I kept a journal about it.  One afternoon I stayed with a man who had been found unconscious in his car after an overdose on methamphetamine.  Had he not been found by his neighbor he would have died.  Luckily, an ambulance was called in time for him to be successfully treated.  By the time I got to him he had already recovered and was admitted to the hospital for observation.

He was severely depressed and our conversation started out pretty minimal.  We exchanged small talk and I let him lead our discussion.  Eventually we came to the reason he was in the hospital.  I find that if you let patients take the lead they eventually want to talk about their problems.  You just have to give them time.  They have been through enough interrogation by the physicians and nurses, often with condescending tones.

What he told me next was a painfully familiar story.  His wife and kids had left him, the reason why he did not give.  He started drinking to numb the pain, which led to drugs.  Eventually he started doing meth.  He then said, “I don’t know how I got here, I thought these were all little problems."  I sat stunned, understanding the gravity of his statement.  The human mind is amazing at rationalizing.  Everyone finds ways to rationalize their vices, and yet each of us draws a line.  His line was just farther than mine.

I’ve thought about this conversation a lot.  To me his "little problem” seems significantly large.  To a conservative Christian my occasional drinking may seem like a big problem.  We all have our limits.  But I often reflect on what my “little problems” may be.  What am I lying to myself about?  What am I unnecessarily rationalizing?  I often find an answer to these questions and try my best to rectify the issue.  We all have small problems that we fail to recognize.  And even though we can rationalize such problems, they are often detrimental to us either physically or psychologically.  Just because we refrain from drug use doesn’t mean we have less to fear from our own addictions.  

So what is your little problem?

The Electric Zoo organizers have worked with City officials to reduce health risks at this event, but in view of these occurrences, the safest course is to cancel the remaining day of the event.
—  A statement from Mayor Bloomberg and New York City officials • Discussing the cancellation of the final day of the Electric Zoo electronic music festival after two festival-goers died of suspected MDMA overdoses. The festival, with drew more than 100,000 people last year, suffered at least four other suspected overdoses during its first two days.

Woman That Died at Electric Zoo Took 6 Hits of Molly

Yesterday, we reported about the EDM festival in New York that was shut down after 2 people died from an overdose of MDMA and numerous other’s were hospitalized. It has been reported that the woman who died, 20-year-old Olivia Rotondo, took 6 hits of Molly, which caused a seizure and eventually led to her death.

Rotondo told one of the EMS workers, ‘I just took six hits of Molly,’ and then collapsed. The other victim was 23-year-old Jeffrey Russ, a Syracuse University graduate.

It was also reported that a 16-year-old girl was sexually assaulted during the festivities.

The teen reportedly woke up underneath a van in a parking lot at the festival with bruises and scratches on her legs, sources told the group. Doctors at Cornell Medical Hospital reportedly determined she was sexually assaulted. Police said the incident is being investigated by the Special Victims Unit and would not release any additional information.

4 more people were hospitalized for reasons ranging from drugs to physical altercations.

31 people were arrested, 2 of which are being charged with felonies, for drug-related crimes, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, and drug possession.

Electric Zoo is offering 30% off 3 day passes, 50% off 2 day passes, and a full refund for the last day of the show that was canceled.

Between 2004 and 2005, an estimated 71,000 children (18 or younger) were seen in EDs each year because of medication overdose (excluding self-harm, abuse and recreational drug use).

Life is starting again at last

You know I’ve heard a lot of negative things about addicts all my life - it’s a major issue in my extended family, full of deadshit junkies, loser alcoholics, and the broken families that go with it.

With the number of family members dying in addiction rising I had subconsciously come to the conclusion that there is no coming back from addiction.

Even a close family member who stopped using heroin and seemed to be doing great, he relapsed on methadone and ended up dead at a drug house for a day before anyone called an ambulance. Face down with blood pooled on his face to give him the appearance of someone who had drowned. No amount of makeup that the coroners used could make him look normal at the open casket. His parents lost their hearts that day, his partner and daughter lost in their despair and grief while his baby son played with a toy truck telling people “don’t cry, be happy”, the image of his dad, too young to comprehend that he would never see him again. And one day when he is older he will learn why. And in the midst of her grief his daughter is dealing with other kids her age calling her dad a disgusting junkie, disregarding her pain because of how he died. So now she doesn’t talk about him.

All the while I was a secret addict and alcoholic.

His death was my turning point. I started to get really terrified of the control my own secret addictions had over me and knew I would be next to die, that my family would go through all this again, but I couldn’t stop.

Until I overdosed one night. I almost didn’t wake up. But I did. I was given a chance at life and I still had enough sense to know I wouldn’t get this chance again.

Rehab saved my life. I am 5 months clean and sober today. I am learning how to live. I will be an addict forever and I have the isms and mental illness that go with it. But I can be a whole person. I’m learning. And even my worst days sober are better than my best days high.