Lame adaptations and sequels are always like, “how can Mina go back to her stifling Victorian marriage after her experience with the dark, seductive Dracula??”

Meanwhile, Mina marries her best friend, who she’s known since they were children, who she share common interests with, they build a home together, work as partners, make immense sacrifices for each other, support each other through their traumas.

Guys, a marriage isn’t stifling and restrictive just because two people… get along, I guess?

I am going to get to make three people with fancy sounding letters after their names sit in a room and listen to my very emotional thoughts about Jack Seward and R. M. Renfield next Tuesday, and they are going to probably give me a certificate later that will attest to how I am great enough at vampires that I can enter into the next level of school and continue my journey towards being a doctor of rad vampire facts.

So we’re all familiar with the post about how Horatio from Hamlet talked to the ghost because he went to college (”like. where did horatio go to college. did he go to ghost college”).  That makes me think, and hear me out on this, that Van Helsing from Dracula also went to Ghost College.  And like…majored in vampire studies or something.  He’s introduced as “Abraham Van Helsing, M.D., D.Ph., D.Lit., Etc., Etc.”, for starters, and that’s a mind-boggling number of doctorates.  He had to have gotten them somewhere, right?  So he has all these degrees and he knows more about vampires than the average person does.  So when this professor/lawyer/doctor/scientist/vampire hunter is pulling a soldering iron, some plumbing solder, a small oil lamp, operating knives, a hammer, and a three foot long wooden stake out of his medical bag in the middle of a tomb, the other three characters who are there with him are like, “Seems legit, you’re the expert here.”  I’m telling you.  Ghost College.