Dear Denny’s,

It is with a heavy heart and a full stomach that I must announce my resignation from eating this double cheeseburger. When I first accepted the position, I had an ambitious, grandiose vision for the amount of beef, cheese and peripheral toppings I would eventually consume. But over the course of recent bites it has become clear to me that finishing this entire double cheeseburger would be a reckless decision, driven only by ego.

The substantial amount of double cheeseburger that remains will be placed into a styrofoam box and transported to a refrigerated storage facility until further decisions are made regarding its fate. It will likely be polished off at some point between midnight and 2am later this evening.

Finally, I want to give sincere thanks to anyone who has offered their support throughout this endeavor, which is basically just my server Joy I guess.