Don't judge me

I never wish to be easily defined. I’d rather float over other people’s minds as something strictly fluid and non-perceivable; more like a transparent, paradoxically iridescent creature rather than an actual person // Franz Kafka.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Headcanons
  • Jake, Amy and Rosa are bi. Amy and Rose have both told each other and Holt. Jake is still in the closet, but the Precinct already know.
  • Rosa thinks Amy is the most attractive detective in the Nine-Nine. When she admitted it in a game of Truth or Dare, Amy squealed for 2 minutes.
  • Holt challenges Amy with various puzzles and riddles weekly. There is one riddle she still hasn’t finished. Jake says she will sometimes stay up at night trying to finally crack it.
  • Jake’s ideas of role play are stuff like ‘nurse/patient‘ ‘cop/criminal‘ ‘teacher/student‘ etc. Meanwhile, Amy’s ideas of role play are ALL super nerdy.
  • Gina thinks Amy is the smartest detective, but she will keep that a secret till the grave.
  • Rosa and Amy had a Game of Thrones marathon through Season 1-3 because Rosa insisted Amy would love it. According to Rosa, Amy broke a plate & window during the Red Wedding and threw popcorn at the screen every time Joffery appeared.
  • Whenever drunk Amy arm wrestles Terry, he lets her win.
  • Rosa & Gina have a pact to keep a close eye on Amy when she’s drunk. A pact that Amy insisted they make since she ‘doesn’t trust her drunk self.‘ Jake has joined the pact since he and Amy started dating.
  • Amy WILL lose her temper if you tell her that you have never watched Lord of the Rings. To a point where even Rose is slightly scared of her.
  • Jake watches Die Hard every Saturday. Without fail.
  • Holt and Amy are autistic.
  • Charles is insistent on teaching Amy how to cook properly. He has yet to succeed, but he is endlessly patient.

I͓̲͕̜͖̭̯̊͊ͨͮ́ ̜͍̼̤̱̈́̍̐̔̉̐̍͟A̜͈̗̫̲M̬ ̮̳N̝̟̱̬̑ͨ̌ͫĚ̮̻̠̳ͪA͓ͨͨ̒ͨ̆̅R̺͚̤̹͚̲

I can’t wait for @therealjacksepticeye to finally let him free!! :D

Fun fact: I did the ‘glitching’ with the crop tool, because the idea of using an actual effect/filter went over my head.
I am dumb c:

People will judge you regardless of what you do. Don’t look to them for validation, simply accept all that you are.


  • ❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞
  • ❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞
  • ❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞
  • ❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞
  • ❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞
  • ❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞
  • ❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞
  • ❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 
  • ❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞
  • ❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞
  • ❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞
  • ❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞
  • ❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞
  • ❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞
  • ❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞
  • ❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞
  • ❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS.
  • ❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞
  • ❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞
  • ❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞
  • ❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞
  • ❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞
  • ❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞
  • ❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞
  • ❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 
  • ❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 
  • ❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞
  • ❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 
  • ❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 
  • ❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞
  • ❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞
  • ❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 
  • ❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞
  • ❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 
  • ❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 
  • ❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞
  • ❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞
  • ❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   
  • ❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞
  • ❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 
  • ❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 
  • ❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞
  • ❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞
  • ❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 
  • ❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞

Only judges the little things (fashion, etc): Libra, Taurus

Only judges the big things (life decisions) : Aquarius, Capricorn, Scorpio

Judges everything: Gemini, Virgo, Leo

Judges nothing: Sagittarius, Pisces, Aries

Is confused: Cancer