În adevăr, nu poate fi nimic mai supărător decît să fii, de pildă, bogat, dintr-o familie onorabilă, chipeş, cu oarecare studii, destul de inteligent, chiar bun la inimă, şi să n-ai totuşi nici un talent, nimic deosebit sau original în tine, nici măcar o ciudăţenie mai aparte, nici o idee personală, să fii absolut „ca toată lumea". Să zicem că eşti bogat, dar nu un Rotschild; aparţii unei familii onorabile, care însă nu s-a distins cu nimic, niciodată, într-un mod mai deosebit; ai o înfăţişare plăcută, dar nu prea expresivă; studii destul de temeinice, dar nu ştii cum să le foloseşti; eşti inteligent, dar lipsit de idei personale; bun la inimă, dar îţi lipseşte generozitatea etc, şi aşa în toate celelalte privinţe.
Things that will definitely happen in the 2015/16 Premier League season
Raheem Sterling will be booed - everywhere.
Brendan Rodgers will celebrate a goal by standing dead still and thrusting one hand in the air… as will Roberto Martinez (it’s clearly a Merseyside thing I’m unaware of).
The manager of the team top of the table on New Year’s Day will be asked whether his side can do the quadruple. He will coyly say “nothing is impossible”. They will not do the quadruple.
Manuel Pellegrini will somehow maintain that dignified smile, even when he is asked the the 756th question about Pep Guardiola potentially replacing him.
At least one Chelsea fan will hold up an A4 sheet of paper saying that Petr Cech is a traitor.
We’ll hear BBC stalwart Gary Lineker say the words “We’ll be back right after this break” on BT Sport - and it will sound really weird.
Commentary for every Liverpool game will contain a reference to Steven Gerrard no longer being at the club.
West Ham fans will boo a functional 1-0 home win.
Steve McClaren will claim that Cheick Tiote is “just not that sort of player” after a career ending tackle on an Arsenal midfielder.
Sylvain Distin will look very, very old.
Arsene Wenger will claim that his side “lacked a little bit physicality” after losing away to Stoke.
Every pundit will call Garry Monk ‘the most underrated manager in the Premier League’. Garry Monk will pretend he doesn’t care (he does).
Jose Mourinho will claim that Chelsea players don’t dive, prior to five of his players being booked for simulation in a single match.
Someone will claim that Norwich’s Cameron Jerome is too good for the Championship but not quite good enough for the Premier League.
West Brom/Stoke/Sunderland fans will express their outrage that Match of the Day has their game on last.
Arsenal fans will start a campaign to get rid of Arsene Wenger, only to hail him as the greatest manager in the history of everything after they win the League Cup against a midtable Championship side.
Southampton’s two best players will sign pre-contract agreements with Liverpool in April.
Watford, struggling come January, will loan a full squad of players from Udinese. People will complain.
The manager of each of the top four clubs will explain how the Britannia “is not an easy place to come”.
On Transfer Deadline Day, Jim White will almost explode with excitement at the news Norwich have signed Kevin Nolan. (this is just an excuse to put up a photo of Natalie Sawyer to be honest, but I mean, come on - look at her!!)
Ronald Koeman will sign four unknown players from the Dutch league in January - who will all turn out to be brilliant.
Jamie Redknapp will offer us more gems like the one below, safe in the knowledge that it doesn’t matter what he says or does, he gets to go home and have sex with Louise. Bastard.
Manchester United will get at least ten flukey goals that no other team would have the luck to get and have 99% of all dodgy decisions go in their favour. Their fans will still insist everything is always against them.
Mauricio Pochettino will claim that Spurs just need a bit more time to get used to his high-pressing style.
Lee Cattermole will be booked.
Tony Pulis will never be seen without a cap on.
There will be a Premier League pitch invasion that’s described as hooliganism. A week later there will be a Championship pitch invasion that’s described as 'a joyous scene’.
Leighton Baines will look like a bent 70s policeman.
Cameras will pan to Mike Ashley looking grumpy every time Newcastle concede. So quite a lot.
There will be a fan protest at Newcastle.
Gary Neville will label Eddie Howe’s Bournemouth a “breath of fresh air”.
Harry Redknapp will claim he once tried to sign Memphis Depay while he was Tottenham manager.
Brendan Rodgers will not say the word ‘character’ until the third game of the season.
Diego Costa will suffer a hamstring injury. More than once.
Sergio Aguero will suffer a hamstring injury. More than once.
Every Sky Sports game from Dean Court will be described as a match “Bournemouth fans could only dream of a few years ago”.
Tottenham fans will desperately defend Roberto Soldado in January, saying he’ll eventually ‘come good’.
Tim Sherwood will tear off his gilet to demonstrate his disgust at a perfectly reasonable refereeing decision.
David Moyes will be linked with twelve different Premier League clubs before Christmas.
Steve McClaren will garner a lot of sympathy for doing ‘an impossible job’ but be odds on for the sack by Christmas.
Michael Owen will continue his mission to teach the British public that “There’s only one statistic that counts, and that’s the scoreboard”.
Tottenham will claim Harry Kane is ‘not for sale at any price’ for the entire season (knowing full well that he has a price).
Jose Mourinho’s refusal to say a single word in a press conference will ironically provoke more comment and opinion than anything else during the entire season.
In the worst example of mistaken identity yet, Andre Marriner will send off Christian Benteke - when the guilty party was Joe Allen.
So I’ve just got back from the open training session at Goodison, there were only 8 players there but I suppose that is our squad now. There was; Phil Neville, Tim Howard, Tony Hibbert, Leon Osman, Leighton Baines, Jan Mucha, Sylvian Distin, Magaye Gueye.
It was good though Leon Osman is a funny character and he was keeping the crowed entertaines. And we were all lucky enough to see Tony Hibbert score not once but twice, one of them was a great goal to. I was quite impressed with Gueye again and hope to see more of him in our upcoming games.
They even had some people on the pitch to have a match against them which was funny.
Everton should do more of these because it’s great to see behind the scenes stuff.