How to Stop Whining and Make a Damn Appointment

You’re sick. Your tooth hurts. That mole you’ve been ignoring for five years has only gotten stronger and more powerful. There are a lot of reasons to make an appointment with your primary doctor, a specialist, or your dentist. But here’s the thing: you gotta do it. Your life may literally depend on it. Or maybe your education does. Maybe your sanity does. The point is, it’s a big fucking deal and I know you hate it, but goddamn, grow the fuck up and make an appointment already.

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“There are states that will not even provide relief of pain or treatment of active infection just because it’s between the nose and the chin,” Edelstein says.

According to him, health plans should regard incisors like they do kidneys—or any other part of the body. The gap between dentistry and medicine, he says, “has been a lasting, physiologically, medically, morally, and ethically inappropriate separation.”

The key to being the best topical blog is to find a very, very narrow topic. That way you don’t have much competition. “Pictures of cats” is a battle you can’t win; “informative text posts about historically significant dentists”, on the other hand, is a field ripe for the picking.

(Other underserved topics include “gay lumberjack wedding photos“, “small-town Saskatchewan alt-history microfiction“ and “fun with shrimp“.)

It’s so crazy to me that we always see vampires with perfect teeth like does vampirism cure all dental issues?

Imagine vampires with gapped teeth.

Vampires that have snaggleteeth.

Vampires with gold teeth.

Vampires with over/underbites.

Vampires with impacted wisdom teeth.

Vampires that found out the hard way that just because they’re bloodsucking immortals doesn’t mean they can’t get cavities and they have to scramble to find dentist offices that don’t close at fucking 5PM when the sun is still out like goddamnit not everyone can function at those inconvenient ass daylight hours.

Vampires whose buckteeth are just as long as their fangs.

Vampires with braces- specialized braces that move around for their fangs.

Vampires with headgear having to use straws because the goddamn thing doesn’t cooperate with their fangs.

Vampires with two sets of retainers- one for when their fangs are retracted and one for when their fangs are descended/elongated.

Vampires with non-perfect teeth.

If your little ghosts and goblins dump their candy on the living room floor tonight, go ahead: Let them at it. They can sort, then trade, and gorge on their favorites.

But if you’re like many parents, by tomorrow morning you may want to get rid of some of this candy glut.

One possible solution? Check out the Halloween Candy Buyback program, which was founded by dentist Chris Kammer in Wisconsin. Kammer’s office offers $1 a pound to buy back candy collected by the young trick-or-treaters in his practice.

Cash For Halloween Candy? Dentists’ Buyback Program Is Booming

Caption: Dr. Curtis Chan, a dentist in Del Mar, Calif., loads up a truck with 5,456 pounds of candy to deliver to Operation Gratitude during the Halloween Candy Buyback on Nov. 8 last year. Chan personally collected 3,542 pounds of candy from patients.

Photo credit: Courtesy of Dr. Curtis Chan

A person who can make brushing their teeth overly complicated.

GUEST: Where’s your toothbrush?
CONCIERGE: My toothbrush?
GUEST: No, no. Mine’s up in my room so you got toothbrushes here?
CONCIERGE: Well, housekeeping can send one up to your room.
GUEST: No. I don’t want to go back up there. You don’t have toothbrushes in the bathrooms down here?
GUEST: I’ll just go buy one. I don’t want to go to my room to brush my teeth.