((OOC: I’m feeling very pretty today. I got this shirt at the Farmer’s Market on Saturday and I LOVE IT. And I tried out my new makeup brushes! It’s my mom’s birthday and I gave her a makeover too. I might do some OOC question time later tonight…I’ve been feeling like my followers don’t know me very well and I haven’t been very active sooooo yeah!))
Don’t you love that one person who photoshops the living shit out of their creations and then proceeds to brag about how it’s high quality and how much time it went into making that cc….and God forbid someone point it out…
these are taking so much space in my inbox so im gonna answer them all right here:
why didn’t i post? many reasons. a lot of things happened and i kept putting everything in my life off because i lost all motivation to try and exist. then when all my motivation hit me again i ran off and started a bunch of new blogs and stories and comics instead of maintaining the ones i already have running. (like this one.)
BUT, THE WAIT IS OVER.. for the time being. i’ve queued up some more content for y’all, did a couple nonsense requests.
i’m gonna clear out the inbox once i’ve finished up today, so any requests sent in afterwards will be answered next time i check up on here. thanks for reading! xox
For those wondering why I’m so down lately, to summarize: I have lost one of the only actual emotional support I’ve had in my life for years now and I don’t really know how to handle it.
It’s like, imagine my happiness, mental state, everything that I am is supported on three pillars, right? That’s me. That’s who Kiwi is.
And so now imagine that over time these pillars erode away, because of me. I don’t maintain them, I don’t treat them how they deserve to be treated, and they start to crumble and break as the relationship between us becomes more and more painful for them. My emotional baggage becomes drops of water that trickle down them and slowly wear them down.
Each of these pillars is a different person. I lost one when we went to college, we went to different places and haven’t really talked a lot since then. But we’re still on good terms, so that’s… I guess that’s okay.
Today, imagine one pillar actually just exploded. Like, megatons of energy fired at me all at once so quickly that I don’t know what to do so I react poorly. I don’t…. I blame myself, basically, is what I’m saying.
So now I only have one pillar left, and I just got flung off of it by the explosion of the second one.
This metaphor got away from me, uh, sorry. I’m depressed, and have been for a while, and now today it’s gotten infinitely worse, is my point.
Don’t uh worry about me, I’m not going to do anything rash or hurt myself or whatever, I’m not like that. I just… I’m sort of numb to everything I guess. Like this is just a horrible dream.
I wish this was a dream.
So, long story short, I’m basically without any form of emotional support anymore. I wish it was easier to be… Me. I wish I had done everything differently, like since birth. I wish I was a better friend.
I’m sorry for making you read this, if you read all the way through. And to uh, that person, you know who you are, I’m sorry for being me.