You followed Sebastian into the large glass building. He lived in the penthouse loft at the top floor. It was exquisite. Dark mahogany lined the floors of the ivory colored walls. Windows lined the walls facing outward and you could see the entire city from the front door, mesmerized by the lights downtown. You noticed the curtains lining the windows were pushed back, allowing for more privacy if so wanted, but not like it was really needed on the top floor of this building. The furniture was mod-inspired but still relatively new. The furniture looked like it had barely been touched, it’s ivory-mocha blend color matching well in the loft.
I don’t know what you look like yet. It seems that I don’t know much nowadays. I do know one thing though. I will meet you some day. Maybe you’re blonde with blue eyes, maybe you enjoy late afternoon walks with a quiet complexion to add to the sunset. Maybe you’re into science and believe that faith just means there’s something to look forward to. Maybe you’re into philosophy and the line between male and female is just too damn blurred for you. I’m already intoxicated by you and I have not met you. Maybe you’re super shy and laughing obnoxiously is your way to counter your acute social anxiety. I get it. I do, I do. Maybe you’ve been kissed by the sun for too long and your hair isn’t too long, it’s okay. There’s only more to love. Maybe you’re just like me and your eyes like to chill out, maybe the sun rises just to dip back into your skin. Maybe you’re a drinker, maybe you’re a smoker. I’ll drive you home. I’ll smoke one with you. Maybe you’re drug free and have never smoked. I won’t smoke around you. I might just quit. Maybe you’re an avid book reader with a knack to find the best love quotes– maybe you’re a writer. Poetry and prose likes to slip pills into my drink, don’t worry– I’ll be sober enough to kiss you goodnight. Maybe you’re an artist, Van Gogh didn’t really eat yellow paint and the Mona Lisa is just a reminder that we all need to smile more. Maybe you’re way into science fiction movies, I’ll watch all of the cheesy alien movies with you. Maybe you’ve got a few scars from late nights of self pity and regret– don’t worry, I have those too. Maybe you’re a firm believer that we’re an invasive species and artificial intelligence will end us some day– even if a zombie apocalypse happens, I’ll be sure to leave a poem in your back pocket for safe keeping. Maybe you’re infertile and we’ll never be able to name babies, it’s okay. We’ll adopt. There’s always another option. Cats work too. How about a husky with blue eyes? Maybe you’re religious. I’m not atheist, but there is something out there. Maybe your dad was a drunk and your mother couldn’t cope, maybe you’re not perfect– so what? I’ll accept you. We’ll pull through. It’s okay to have flaws, it just makes us more human than the next. Maybe you’re already in love with someone else, maybe you’re never really going to be mine. Hell, I’d be your best friend. We can talk every now and again. I’ll be fine with that. Maybe you’re into music more than I am, maybe that’s not possible, but if it is– we’re going to get along just fine. As a matter of fact, the more open minded, the more difficult– the more you make me chase after you, the better. Maybe you’re into the same things, maybe you’re my complete opposite. Maybe we’ll never meet until I’m all out of my prime and you’re all out of fire. Maybe we’ll spend a decade in Rome and understand why love has a place anywhere. Maybe you’re lonely too. Maybe midnight walks near downtown city lights are your favorite. Maybe you’re lost. Maybe you’re tired of this fast lifestyle. Maybe we’re both upset about the same thing at this very moment. Maybe you’re finding yourself too. Maybe you’ve been through some pain, maybe you’re drinking it off. You’re probably high right now too. Writing the same poem and dying inside with just the right amount of ow. Maybe you’re not into sex, maybe you’re sexually active. Maybe catching you inside of a bookstore is more likely than finding you in a club. Maybe your favorite element is fire, maybe you’re passionate about everything. That youthful inner flame that just won’t go out. Maybe someone did that to you too. Maybe it never died down. Maybe you’re still burning to find that same feeling with a different person. Maybe forehead kisses are your favorite because he didn’t kiss you enough to make you feel safe. Maybe he was mean to you, or maybe she was. Maybe you’re way out of my league and I’m just bullshitting around to see if I can make you laugh. Maybe you’re reading this right now, if you are then I have something to tell you.
Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart | 1 | Harry Styles
A/N: I seriously almost cried when Harry played this live. I’ve always wanted to hear him sing this song (cause it’s my favorite on Ariana’s My Everything album)! Enjoy!
I never thought this day would come, but yet, who does and whoever wants it to? Giving my whole heart to someone again was the biggest leap I’ve ever taken, given my history with love. I didn’t think I was ever going to again, and honestly, I didn’t want to. My walls were built up so high that any man I crossed paths with just kept going, too exhausted to try and climb over it.
But not him.
He smashed through that damn concrete wall with full force, leaving all of my doubts and insecurities shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. It wasn’t soon before he replaced the monotonous graveyard with a garden of beautiful flowers. Each of them slowing blooming as I fell deeper and harder. It was easy to maintain. No weeds ever sprouted, and not a single flower ever wilted. ‘Arguing’ just wasn’t a word in our dictionary. Every tiny spat we had was usually about petty things like what’s better: cats or dogs? Everyone thought our relationship was a little too perfect, but doesn’t everyone want a happily ever after? I certainly do.
I thought I had mine, walking side by side with the love of my life in a fully grown meadow of the most beautiful flowers. But that’s when I saw it. Out of all the vivid petals resides one dull rose that’s beginning to wilt. The dark red hue has disappeared and had been overtaken by a pale grey. When I look over to my left, I don’t find Harry with his fingers laced with mine like he usually would be. In fact, I don’t spot him in this meadow at all.
And all I begin to find is grey.
* * *
“I don’t know that pizza was pretty tasty, but I think I like the other place better.” (Y/F’s/N) said as we weaved through the thick Chicago crowd on the sidewalk. It was mid-week, about four in the afternoon and people were starting to get off of work, so the sidewalks were growing more populated. The two of us were just doing some light shopping downtown since this was the first day off the two of us had in a while. We wanted to try this new pizza joint further downtown, quite aways from our apartment, and from all this walking I was half tempted just to call a cab.
I looked at her with eyes full of sarcasm as we turned right on the block. “And not to mention that it’s closer,” Just as the sentence left my lips, my shoulder collided with a tall stranger as soon as we rounded the corner. Immediately, I apologized quickly with a small smile, not taking in his appearance, then continued on. I massaged the now tender spot on my shoulder, hearing (Y/F’s/N) snicker. “Geez, (Y/N) watch where you’re going!” Her manicured hand poked my rib.
I swatted it away. “Shut up! Like you haven’t done the same thing.”
Giggling, she changes the subject. “So are there any other stores you want to hit up before we head back home?” I simply shook my head in response. “Good, cause my-”
“'Scuse me, miss?” A tap on my shoulder paired with a velvety voice that certainly isn’t from around here tore my attention away from (Y/F’s/N). When I turn, I’m face to face with a real beauty. It’s the kind that’s intimidating, making one nervous just by a simple look or the smallest gesture. His eyes were the lightest shade of green with hints of brown mixed in near the pupils. They reminded me of summer leaves just starting to obtain their autumn color. His short brown curls blew lightly in the cold Chicago air. Two dimples appeared when he grinned and gestured his outstretched hand. In it, held a button with a familiar red-haired mermaid on it. “Does this belong to you? I think it fell off your bag when we ran into each other.”
“Oh, um-” My brain failed to develop a single sentence, too distracted by those delicate features, and the fact that he looked like he stepped out of a fall fashion magazine with his long black pea coat accented with a dark green scarf, golden boots, silky shirt, and black jeans. Now, I could feel my face turn pink, embarrassed that I couldn’t respond to his first question. (Y/F’s/N) finished it for me.
“Yeah, it’s hers. That thing falls off her bag all the time, so thanks for returning it.” She plucked it out of his palm and gave it to me. I tore my gaze away to pin it back on the lanyard of my car keys. “It sounds like you’re not from around here,” (Y/F’s/N) piped, starting up a conversation, and clearly enjoying this stranger’s company.
“M'not, just visiting.” I can feel those eyes on me as he spoke to her, giving me the occasional glance. My fingers worked slowly, making it seem like I was having a difficult time attaching it, but in reality, I was just hiding the redness spreading across my face. “Here,” It didn’t work, apparently, when his hands come into view. I spotted a small tattoo in the shape of a cross near his thumb. “Those things can be a pain,” He joked with a small laugh, and I responded with the same. I thanked him when he pulled away; “So you ladies live around here then?” His green eyes were on me now.
“Uh yeah, we live down the road actually.” He smiled again which escalated my nerves. “That’s where we were heading, we are worn out from shopping all day.”
His face fell a little, but it wasn’t long before he threw up a lop-sided grin. “Well, don’t let me keep you. Have a great rest of your evening.” All I did was nod, then we both started walking in separate directions.
“He seemed to like you.” (Y/F’s/N) stated when we approached our apartment complex. The sky was a pale pink mixed with various shades of orange. I shrugged and opened up the outside door, then headed toward the elevators. She pressed the silver button labeled ten once we stepped inside. “Too bad you shot him down. I think the two of you would have looked nice together.”
“He was just nice.” I retorted a little too quickly when she raised a brow. “Come on, don’t give me that look.“
"Why didn’t you ask him out for coffee or something?"
"No thanks, I’ll pass,” I replied with a little bite in my tone. The elevator doors slid open, and I rushed out with her trailing behind.
She fell in step beside before we reached our apartment door. I was fumbling around in my purse for my keys, then struggling to insert it into the lock, eager to avoid this subject altogether. “Every guy isn’t the same (Y/N), and you won’t know that until you give it another go.”
Finally, I unlocked the door, and I piled inside, making a beeline straight for my bedroom, but that doesn’t stop her. It never did. “I really don’t want to talk about this…” Once I reached my bedroom, I quickly made an attempt to shut the door, but her manicured hand caught it mid-swing. “(Y/F’s/N),” My eyes immediately fluttered shut as soon as my voice cracked, my eyes filled up with tears of frustration. “I’m fine, just go-”
“No, you’re not fine! You haven’t been in a long time!” I rolled my watery eyes, and retreated further into my room, tossing my bags onto my bed. Her voice bounced off the cream-colored walls as she lectured me. “I know you’ve had bad luck with relationships, everyone does! You’re not alone! You can’t let that get in the way for future ones!”
I crossed my arms defensively, ready to spit pure venom. “Bad luck? Every guy I’ve been with has either cheated, stolen shit, lied to me, was only with me for sex or even all of the above! I haven’t had one serious, honest relationship (Y/F’s/N) out of all six of those so-called men, and you’re wondering why I won’t give fucking love another chance.”
Hot tears streamed down my cheeks that were red from anger. “And even if I did, they would surely have to be willing to climb over these fucking walls I’ve had to build and sweep me off my feet…” My voice faded out as sobs started tumbling out of my lips. (Y/F’s/N) rushed over to my side and pulled me into a tight hug. I buried my head into her shoulder as her hand rubbed my back. “I’m so scared that I’ll never know what real love feels like.”
She tightened her grip, and let out a shaky sigh, possibly trying to contain her own tears. She hated it whenever I cried. “Please don’t say that,” She whispered. “He’s out there someone, willing to do whatever it takes to win your heart, not caring how long it takes or how difficult it is. There is someone out there for you.” She pulled away, wiping away the wetness on her own cheeks and sniffling. “Which is why you need to promise me something.” I raised a brow, urging her to continue. “I want you to promise me that if you feel yourself falling for someone, please don’t be afraid? Just let your heart guide you for once.” She held out a pinky which made me giggle. “Give it one more chance. That’s all I’m asking for.”
I sighed. "What if-”
She gave me a reassuring smile. “Hey, you never know if that’ll happen unless you try.”
It was a solid minute that I stared at her promise. She was just trying to help me be the happiest I can be, but I honestly didn’t know if I could handle any more heartbreak. The more prominent pessimistic side of myself always had doubts, negative thoughts, and actions that would steer me in the direction far from the four letter word. But maybe I could try one more time. My pinky wrapped around hers, sealing the promise like we were in fourth grade.
One more chance.
* * *
It wasn’t even a week later before it all started. As cliche as it might sound, I found myself in a coffee shop just down the street from our apartment, grabbing some energy for the late night study session I was about to endure. The line was long, and that evening it seemed like everyone had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. I couldn’t even keep track of how many shitty glares I got or the number of impatient sighs when I placed my order. I was so thankful when my name was called. I grabbed the steaming cup and rushed out.
The autumn breeze was like a breath of relief, and the contrast between the warmth in my palm and the nip of the wind had me all cozy inside, and even more in the mood for the season. Autumn was one of my favorite seasons. I loved all the things that came with it: the weather was in the low sixties, Thanksgiving, Halloween, the colorful leaves, sweaters, and wool beanies. The list was endless. Another thing that came with autumn was fall break: sure it was only a few days, but it still counted as something. It was a little surreal to think that after this semester of college, I’d actually be out in the real world. It was a little terrifying. There would be days where I was just want to feel like I was seven years old, coloring in books or playing outside with friends without worrying about what the future held. None of that mattered then; I was merely enjoying the now.
As I strolled past a bus stop, a familiar face halts me in my tracks and lures me over. The background was a burnt orange surrounded by darker shades and the sparkle of the water. The focal point was the man in the powder blue suit jacket staring intently at the camera. His right arm was propped up against whatever he was leaning against, his hand showing off three silver rings. Along with the suit, the white button up underneath was soaking wet, revealing a few more of his tattoos that decorated his chest. His brown curls were also damp, and one lone piece dangled just above his right eye. Right above the photo was text that read: Harry Styles: Live On Tour, September 26th, 2017. Was that who we met yesterday? Shaking my head, almost laughing about how ridiculous that question was, I continue my way back home.
But then I heard that voice again. "Miss? I believe you dropped this.” My fingers flew up to the strap of my messenger bag to find the pin missing yet again. When I turned around, he looked the same as before: lopsided smirk, messy curls, and sparkling eyes, only this time he sported a bright yellow sweater, dark jeans, and boots. I took the button from his outstretched hand, thanking him quickly before simply tossing into the front pocket of my bag. “How did tha’ pin survive for so long before me?” He joked, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“I dunno, honestly. Luck, I guess?”
“Well, you must have tons of it.” He chuckled lightly. “I don’ think I introduced myself last time.” He pulls out his tattooed hand from his pocket and holds it out for me to shake. “M’names Harry,”
I took his hand, it’s strong and very warm. A look of confusion was written on my face when I thought back to the advertisement posted on the bus stop. Is he that Harry? I told him my name, then apologize when his brows came together. "Sorry, but you have a striking resemblance to that guy on that poster over there.” I gestured the bus stop that has a few people piling onto the long vehicle that just pulled up.
That caused him to chuckle again, causing my cheeks to turn bright pink. Why did I feel like I was making a fool out of myself? “Sorry, I, um-“ I started to ramble off an apology that probably wouldn’t have made any sense since I didn’t even know what I was apologizing for.
“No need t’say sorry, love.” His smile grew, revealing those two dimples again. “Tha’ was me you saw over there. I’m just a little amused that you’ve never heard of me before.”
His response made me raise a brow. Now usually I had a pretty good read on people, either an alarm would blare in the back of my brain, screaming to stay away, or it would be silent. After everything I’ve been through, every guy I’ve met has triggered those alarms, but even after that slight narcissistic comment Harry made, there was absolute silence. “Didn’t know I had to.”
His smile faded away, then his eyes widened at my hardened expression. “M’sorry! That came out wrong, didn’t it? What I mean is that it’s a little strange running into someone who has never heard of me before. Sure, it’s common with the older folk, but you’re… younger. So I guess I assumed that you knew, my mistake. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
My defensive stance relaxed, and I gave him a tiny smile. "It’s alright, but you know what they say about assuming? Makes an ass out of you and me.”
“Which is the opposite of what I’m trying to be.” He chuckles, those green eyes light up like the street lights around us as the sky grows darker. “So what kind of music do you like? Maybe mine’s not your cup of tea, which happens.”
“Pretty much anything if it has a good beat and lyrics. I’m kind of open to everything.” He nodded his head while I took a sip of my coffee.
“Dipped into any new stuff lately?”
I pursed my lips, pondering on if I actually have, then I think of that song that has been popping up on my Spotify radio that I’ve taken a liking to. Not sure who it’s by or even what’s it’s called; I always forget to check. “There is this one song I like, not sure who it’s by, but I think the name has something to do with a hallway?”
“A hallway?” That smug grin returned, almost like he’s trying to contain his laughter once more. “Not ringin’ any bells. Do you know any of the lyrics?”
“What’s so funny?”
He doesn’t reply, yet pulled out his phone from his pocket, tapping on the screen a few times before holding out the phone for me to listen. The familiar tune started to play, and I gave him a curious look. “Is this the song?” He asked, a smile stretching from ear to ear. I answered with a simple yes, and he said, “Thanks! One of my favorites that I’ve written.” He silenced the song before sliding his phone back into his pocket.
I almost scoffed and had to refrain from rolling my eyes. What are the odds that it would be his song? “Damn, you really are everywhere aren’t you?” I stated with a short laugh.
“Which is why I assumed that you knew about me.” His hand slid through his curls, pushing the few trindles that the wind blew in his eyes.
I shrugged. “Yeah, well I don’t get out too much.” My answers turned short and somewhat sarcastic. I couldn’t help it though, that’s just how I was then. A really paranoid asshole that refused to let any man get close to me. That didn’t stop him though; he didn’t care how much of an impolite jerk I was being. Harry Styles was always persistent. Paired with confidence, he asked the question that put the slightest crack into the concrete walls surrounding my fragile heart.