Amy Poehler and Tina Fey - Roast Don Rickles

R.I.P Don Rickles

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's Roast of Don Rickles
  • Tina Fey: Good evening. We are here tonight to celebrate Don Rickles. And honestly, it’s almost like he’s here with us. We can feel his spirit in this room tonight.
  • Amy Poehler: Tina, he is here.
  • Fey: Geez. I thought that was somebody’s purse.
  • Poehler: Don’s work ethic is unparalleled. At 88 years old, he’s still doing standup across the country, which begs the question: Why? Are you out of money? Is that why you’re always doing casinos? Is it a gambling problem? Are you in that wheelchair because the thugs beat your knees? Blink if you need help.
  • Fey: You know, I remember watching Don as a little kid in the 70s, and thinking, Wow, that guy is old!
  • Fey: Thanks for sending one car for the both of us. Did you send Seinfeld half a car?
  • Poehler: I’ll always remember the first time I met Don. I went over and said, “Mr. Rickles, I’m such a huge fan.” And he said, “Sweetheart, just the check.”
  • Poehler: Don, I truly love you, because every time I see you, you come up to me, and you grab my arm, and you say, “How’s your divorce? Is it done yet?” It makes me feel very safe.

Imagine Ash deciding that, to keep up with his princely physique, he’ll accompany you to the gym on your workout days. Of course, not realizing that human workouts are quite different from fey workouts. 

When he follows you into the gym, he’s at a complete loss for what to do. Eyeing the treadmills, where several people are already walking, jogging, or running, he leans over and mutters, 

“They know they could just do that outside, right? Instead of standing in place the whole time?”

You roll your eyes and lead him towards the weight machines instead, to which he is utterly baffled as he watches you set the weights to your usual level and begin lifting. 

“You can’t tell me fey don’t lift weights,” you say in disbelief as he continues to stare at you.

“We do,” he says slowly, “Just…usually, we use boulders. Or wrestle with an ogre if one happens to be available when Mab doesn’t have them on guard duty.”

He tries to convince you to let him show you his workout sometime, but after a more detailed description of ogre-wrestling, in which Ash reminisces on how Rowan nearly had his arm ripped out of its socket, and a guard-in-training had his skull crushed, you politely decline and suggest that maybe you both should keep to your individual workouts. 

anonymous asked:

Why does Simon actually like Pearl? It seems like she'd be a burden to him or something and he'd hate that. 🤔

“Hmph. Of course I have to be the one answering your question, don’t I? Fey-Dono, step into the hallway for a few moments if you don’t mind. Thank you. So you’re asking why I enjoy Pearly’s company I presume? Well, at first sight it did seem like she would be a burden to me, at the Agency when I went to visit Athena of course. However seeing her almost everyday…changed something. It became less of a burden and more of enjoyment. I even started thinking of her as my own daughter because of the lack of parental guidance she had. Idiotic, isn’t it? That I’m one of the most feared prosecutors, yet I turn into such a softy around one, silly child. Let me put it this way. All of those years in prison formed ice around my heart, but being released and seeing Athena again cracked it. Being with Pearly completely melts the ice. I missed all of the times I took care of Athena when we were younger, but now I can do it all over again with Pearly. I want her to be happy, no matter what it takes. I hope this answers your ‘burning’ question. This is just you viewing it of course, correct?”

Hello! So glad you asked the first question for these dorks! The picture above is simply an example of how they act when they’re alone, but once others come in the equation it’s serious business 

anonymous asked:

What are some problems and inherent biases in Tina Fey's writing? First time I've encountered such an opinion...

I don’t want to write some long, meandering anti-Tina Fey post because I honestly am a huge fan of hers. However, I am a fan of hers while still understanding she’s written or been the face of some pretty problematic and offensive lines on her shows.

In Bossypants, she mentions how her dad, Don Fey chastised her for leaving her bike out, because “This wasn’t racism; it was experience. Those [black] kids were coming from West Philly to steal bikes.” She attempts to side-step the entire issue of her father’s racism by painting him as a realist who just knew how the world worked. A lot of people hide much harsher racism under the guise of “that’s just how it is.” Rather than unpack that in any sort of meaningful way, she finishes with: 

“Norman Lear might want us to take time to understand that those kids went to poorly funded schools and that their parents, while loving and dignified, were unable to supervise their children’s behavior because they were both at work doing minimum-wage jobs, but by then our bikes would be gone.” 

That’s a non-answer, and entirely shifting the blame onto the disenfranchised.

30 Rock, created by Tina Fey although not exclusively written by her, had its character “Tracy Jordan” (Tracy Morgan) refer to transsexuals and cross-dressers (despite the fact that those are two different categories of individuals) as “freaky-deakies need love too.” or “you can be a freaky-deaky AND do data entry.” Also, despite her revelation in Bossypants that “gay people don’t just exist for her entertainment” that’s almost exclusively what they were in early 30 Rock; props or punchlines. (There was some course-correction in later seasons, but none of the main characters were ever LGBT.) They also had white, blond actress Jane Krakowski in blackface…twice.

Fey’s Netflix series, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt asks Jane Krakowski to play Native American, tanning her then lightening her skin depending on the role. It’s honestly cringe-worthy and entirely unbelievable in the first season. It is redeemed slightly with her fight against the Redskins team name in the second season, and bringing Native American stories to the forefront on a major platform is important, but there are hundreds of Native American actors.

That redemption was undercut significantly with the thinly-veiled response of S02E03, Kimmy Goes to a Play! wherein Titus with one of his past lives (essentially mocking disassociative identities) “remembers” his life as a geisha, and writes a play about it. The episode has the internet boiling with rage, shouting racism from numerous Asian groups. (Mirroring the same outcry Season 1 received for Jane Krakowski playing Native American.) So instead of a white woman playing Native American, you had an African-American playing Asian. “The people from the internet” were childish, and simply looking for ways to get offended. One person mutters in horror “wait, did I just offend myself?” and explodes in a puff of smoke.

When Tina Fey was interviewed by NET-A-PORTER about the backlash that episode received, her response was “Steer clear of the internet and you’ll live forever. We did an Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt episode and the internet was in a whirlwind, calling it ‘racist’, but my new goal is not to explain jokes. I feel like we put so much effort into writing and crafting everything, they need to speak for themselves. There’s a real culture of demanding apologies, and I’m opting out of that.” Much like her father Don gets to “opt-out” of being a racist with his pragmatism, she gets to “opt-out” of “apologizing” for some of her problematic writing.

THAT BEING SAID, I am still a HUGE fan of Tina Fey and the work that she’s done, and I chalk that up to being a “bad feminist” in the Roxane Gay sense sometimes. She has paved the way for numerous female comics and writers after her and has defended women in comedy continually over her career. Her brand of feminism, while not the most inclusive, has shined a light on some very destructive practices; Hollywood and the entertainment industry in general, is better for having her around. I love 30 Rock, I love The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and I’ve read Bossypants 10 times over. She is a remarkable talent and I personally feel she’s done a lot more good than bad.