DEATH AND DESTRUCTION AND PAIN SO MUCH PAIN

SPN Finale Thoughts

I already said I’d share this, so here goes. I’ll talk about both episodes, but I’ll keep it short about 12x22, because even though there’s lots of stuff to mention there, in comparison to 12x23 it was literally relaxing to watch.  Spoilers below.


12x22: Who We Are

In this episode, the BMoL are wiped out (finally!), or at least the branch of them that went to America and made a huge mess. To be honest, I liked that this storyline was more present than the myth arcs usually are, but mostly I found the BMoL rather annoying. Yes, it was a nice change of scenery to have some human antagonists this season, but to me their storyline was never as intriguing as the Nephilim myth arc, as the double finale perfectly displayed. 12x22 was great, I loved it, but it was not epic (12x23 was, but I’ll get to this in a minute). I can’t think of  a single scene in this episode that I didn’t thorougly enjoy - all of the character development, the feelings (and Ketch finally bit it). Jody survived, but we didn’t get to see Eileen again, which I had been hoping for a little. Ketch killed Toni, and I was even a bit upset about this, but not that much honestly. Dean finally got to use the grenade launcher, faced his past, his most internal emotions, reconciled with his Mom, and don’t get me started on that group hug in the end. (Clearly, this episode set a completely wrong tone for 12x23, but to be honest so did the first 35 minutes of 12x23) My favourite scene however was back at Jody’s house, Sam’s speech in front of the other hunters (he did the “we - no, I” thing that so many people have been talking about regarding Destiel and brodependency); I was so so proud of him in that moment. And then Dean, choosing to stay behind and admitting openly that Sam is ready to be on his own: this was such a big step for both of them and it was beautiful, and then the BMoL were wiped out, Mary was saved and killed Ketch, Dean forgave her, Sam forgave her, group hug, credits. And then 12x23 came and hit everybody in the face.

12x23: All Along The Watchtower

If we combine these two episodes, it totally justifies the red wedding comment, but for me, 12x23 was a Red Wedding on its own. There are many points to address in this episode, and I’ll try to do it chronologically.

First of all, Rowena. No doubt, she deserved better than an off-screen death, but let’s not forget we haven’t seen a corpse that could be actually identified as her. Okay, there are multiple hints that the burnt figure on the ground is really her (her phone, her bag, the hair in Lucifer’s hand), but no body - no death. Also, why is nobody talking about the fact that the opening of this scene was super creepy, we see Rowena’s buzzing phone and her ringtone is this happy beepy tune, and then the camera wanders off to blood splats across the table and the floor… (Headcanon: what we heard is Rowena’s ringtone just for Sam, because of that “do I have my own ringtone?” in 12x11)

Crowley. Oh my. He just shows up at the bunker, complete with snarky comments, and doesn’t even leave out the fabulous tale of Crowley And The Rat. He admits his mistake (hybris even) regarding Lucifer, tells the Winchesters that he actually hates being the King of Hell, and then promises to close the gates of hell if they help him defeat Lucifer. To me, this whole season has been one big Crowley redemption arc, and in the end, he dies a hero’s death, sacrificing his life for a spell to lock Lucifer in that apocalypse AU. We don’t know if it was his spell that actually closed the portal, or the birth of the Nephilim, but I think that doesn’t really matter here. His intentions do: he died, saving the Winchesters and the rest of the world from Lucifer and a Lucifer-influenced Nephilim, and atoning for his own mistake. His last words: “Bye, boys.” I’m not crying, you are. The king is dead, all hail the king.

Lucifer. Mark Pellegrino said “if you didn’t hate me before, you will after this.” And god, do I. Most of the season I just found him annoying, whatever vessel he was in, but now I just wish him a slow and painful death, preferably at the hands of Team Free Will, because being locked in the apocalypse AU is far too good for him.

The Nephilim. (okay, this isn’t chronological anymore, but I’m saving the most important for last) We didn’t get to see him until the last five seconds, and that was super creepy. The burning footsteps, the shady figure in the dark, the golden eyes, that smile… apart from that creepy evil smile, he actually seemed scared to me, curled up in that dark corner, but now I don’t know what to think. I really like the fact that he’s not a baby, because I didn’t anticipate that, and apparently none of the characters did either. He looked teen-aged to me (but let’s be honest here, we didn’t really see him), but the actor in the opening credits, Alexander Calvert, who must have been playing him because who else, is 26 years old already, so he might be grown-up. Just as an aside, I don’t like the name Jack in general, and even less so as the name of Lucifer’s child. I hope they’ll stick with something else.

Cas. (*clears throat*) Cas. (*starts sobbing uncontrollably*) CAS! Alright, I’ll calm down. Still this was one of the most painful things to watch in like, ever. I had my suspicions about Cas dying, but on tumblr people referred to it as the “annual Cas panic” and told everybody to calm down, nothing was going to happen, WELL LOOK HOW THAT TURNED OUT! When Cas came storming through that portal towards Lucifer and Sam had to drag Dean away from him and back to their world, I thought for sure that Cas would get stuck in the apocalypse AU, and when he popped out again, I was so happy and relieved, and I guess that’s why it hit me so much harder when Lucifer stabbed him from behind. I’m not kidding, I screamed. Like, loud. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed at my TV before, but this time I did. I was in complete shock for the remaining minutes, and Dean collapsing next to Cas’ body broke me completely. Crowley’s death may have been painful, but it was nowhere near this, because at least his death made sense, whereas Cas’ death was uttlery pointless. It was just Lucifer breaking Daddy’s toys and sewing destruction. Cas was killed in front of the people he calls his family, the people he loves most in the entire world, and who love him just as much as he loves them, but he never really knew that. And Dean’s reaction makes it so much more painful, because you can literally see his world shattering when he screams “NO!” when Lucifer stabs Cas, and you can see everything breaking inside and out as he looks at Cas’ body and collapses next to him, not caring about anything else, while Sam runs off looking for the newborn Nephilim.(According to Jensen, we haven’t even seen Dean’s full reaction yet) As painful as it is, this just stresses Destiel (and fits perfectly with @tinkdw ’s break up theory), and honestly I can’t wait for Dean’s reaction when Cas comes back (after two days we basically have confirmation that he’ll be back :D). Even before Jared’s whoopsie at JIBcon and Misha’s tweet that “Cas has a future”, I was pretty positive that he’d come back, although there was something seemingly final about his death: this is the first time he’s died an actual “angel death”, white light/grace, wings burned into the ground and all. It’s his fifth time dying (I think), and it was certainly the most painful one, including Dean’s reaction. They have come so much further in their relationship this season, with the mixtape scene and all, but Dean still hasn’t reciprocated Cas’ “I love you” from 12x12. Back then, when Cas was dying, Dean was in total denial (as I will be from now on till October, when I won’t need to be anymore hopefully), but now he has to face this, he has to face Cas’ death, and he has to face his feelings for Cas. And as painful as that might be at first, you bet he won’t hold himself back anymore when Cas comes back after this.

Love as the One Magic

The first time I heard Lucy speak of the one magic as love, I envisioned something positive. How love will prevail and drives positivity in the world. For me, initially, the idea of the one magic being darkness made no sense. However, upon reading the latest chapter, I realized I was wrong. Grimoire Heart wasn’t correct either, Lucy was. But not in the right way anyone would envision.

Love is the one magic because love can take many forms. Evident in the many forms of love expressed in the series. 

We see love within families. The love shared between the Strauss siblings is one example. Mirajane never blamed elfman for lisannas death and on tenroujima, mirajane was willing to protect lisanna even if it meant her life. Laxus and Makarov also partake in a familial love. Regardless of their issues, makarov evidently loved laxus and vice versa. Despite their issues as well, Lucy loved her father–though he hurt her in the past. igneel loved natsu and vice versa and gray was loved by silver and ur. Additionally, despite alleged resentment, ultear loved her mother deep down even while under the impress Ur abandoned her.

Such a love prevailed in those situations. Family is an evident theme, biological or not. The guildmates considered each other family and each cares deeply about the other. Another aspect of love is between friends, such as the one shared between many of the characters. Friendship has coined the term nakama power within the fandom due to its prevalence as an important theme. From the bond between sting and rogue to the deep care shared between members of team natsu as another example, there is no doubt the love from friends inspires characters to become stronger. it’s another positive example of the effects of love–which, if it is the one magic, means the origin of magic is love. Despite gray and natsu’s differences, they are team mates, friends, they care for the other and would not desire anything bad to occur to the other. They may bicker and want to compete, but they care about each other first and foremost. Natsu wouldn’t let Gray sacrifice his life. They helped each other develop, being different and having a clash of personalities.

While it isn’t the focus, there are a dash of romanic love thrown into the mix. Alzack and Bisca had evident feelings and initially, were quite shy to admit it. However, now they have a family and their love has manifested itself in the form of Asuka. In another example, although only the feelings are confirmed, are Jellal and Erza. Despite all that occurred between them, the love never wavered. Erza couldn’t kill Jellal, she cared about him deeply despite of what he has become in the tower of heaven. She never excused his mistakes, but she wanted to help him go forward. Jellal as well loves Erza, but he understands and they both do it is not the right time for a relationship. They know the risks involved and each have their own responsibilities. However, that does not make their “love” any less strong, they’re there for each other when the other needs help. They believe in the other and serve as an inspiration when the other is feeling down.

Lucy herself is an example of the most selfless form of love. A love that is unconditional, despite the treatment from aquarius she loved her and cherished her. Despite her conflicts with her father, she cared for him. She loves her friends and she loves the guild. Of course, there are many other characters who exemplify deep love. Erza is another character I can think of at the top of my head, though it’s almost ironic how these factors have shaped my opinion on what the one magic was initally. I also thought lucy had a part in what the one magic is, considering her mom knew it and she herself could fit the description, perhaps that is still true–but love is powerful, yes it can be for the greater good, but it cannot always.

Love has had consequences. Love is not always positive. The love for evil, the love for seeing others in pain–many characters share that love. The love for destruction, and also the love that was once pure but was tainted in circumstances. Simon loved Erza, but it led to his death. Rogue loved Frosch so much he became absorbed in darkness at the pain of Frosch’s death. Consequently, Kagura’s love for her brother led her to be vengeful, she wanted to kill jellal. That is the power of love at its worst form. A love that could lead to obsession, to revenge, to the feeling of emptiness. Love is not always pure, love is not always for the greater good.

The one magic is love. But not in the way we’d assume of it. Love is the most condescended way to describe what the source of magic is. It’s the best word that can serve as an epitome of greed, desire, revenge, friendship, romance, care, family, destruction, obsession, and more. Because love is not just our image–the fluffy, sweet type of emotion that brings out the best from others. It can bring out the worst, as evident in those examples and more. All the villains’ intentions could be associated with a form of love. A love for the idea of a world ruled by demons, a love to get a wish granted, a love to see the world in ruins, a love for the idea that time can be reversed to erase wrongdoings. It all stems from love. Love is the one magic and love can be darkness.

Don’t get me wrong, the one magic is not darkness–Hades had a point but he was still incorrect–it is love. And just because love can be darkness does not invalidate the positive examples of love displayed throughout the series. Look how love has transformed various characters, former villains even. Juvia lacked pure love throughout her entire life, now she is in a guild that loves her and she has found love herself–with her friends and with Gray. Meredy was once confused on what love was, she cared for utear–she loved ultear, but until her fight with juvia she did not realize what to do with her love. Love has made her happier and inspired her to do well, to forgive ultear and to fight evil. Love has done a number to everyone, mashima did not put all the evidence of the positive impact as a bait to bring out the darkness.

Zeref loved Mavis and kissed her. And as the page shown on the chapter preview, zeref’s love killed mavis and prompted him to fall even deeper into his darkness. And it begs the question, how? How can love, one that was pure, lead to death–an occurance associated with darkness? Love is supposed to be pure, yet it killed her? The scene represented how love is one magic because love is can be contradictory. Because love is more than one quality, its various. Love can be lightness and darkness. Love led Zeref to fall deeper into despair, even before mavis, with what occurred with natsu, love has done nothing but pain him. Everything he loves dies, the world does not love him. What happens when one is not loved, when one is pained by love and the world? Such is the consequence, a vile consequence, of being unloved.

Love can make the world go round, but it can ruin it. We’ve all seen examples of love in our daily life go wrong. Zeref can’t love such a world that rejects him, thus he wants revenge. His love is no longer pure, its tainted, its darkness, evil, vengeance, whatever you wish to call it.

But the real question is: What will prevail? Love can arguably be the one magic, but what form is the strongest and will prove to outlast the other. Love that is unconditional and pure or love that leads to obsession and vengeance? That I cannot answer; but right now I think I understand what love as one magic means.

Love–a desire, a want, a need, a condition, a feeling, an affection. Love can manifest itself into a plethora of things such as one magic, the one magic that bonds everything together. Love is powerful but dangerous. Its the one magic that affects everyone in some shape or form. Just think, love has made many people better themselves for the good, but has made others fall into darkness which consequently affected the greater good. Love is a being so powerful because it can make or break a person and every action has a consequence.

And while i did not initially think of the one magic–love perhaps–like this…it clicks now, it makes sense. Love is what will play a factor in the final battle and it will seep into the rest of the story. The physical representation may be natsu vs. zeref or what not but in a figurative sense, the fight is within love itself: is love for the better or worse? Which is stronger, which shall prevail? Natsu and Zeref, two brothers who could represent the potential love has. Or perhaps even in just what may win overall: the good or the bad. The love to destroy, to eradicate, or the love to keep living and fix issues through such love rather than add. All i can say is, whether i’m correct or not, nicely..nicely done mashima. Love is the magic that can prompt people to do good or do bad, it can build character or destroy. Love is powerful in that sense..like magic.

30 day Tolkien Elves challenge - Day 24: Who is your favourite elf of all times?

There are many elves in my top ten favourite elves list. But while the order of the list changes regularly, the number one spot is fixed. And it belongs to Maedhros.

Let me talk to you about Maedhros and you’ll understand why I like him so much.

Maedhros, to me, is impossibly strong. He survived his time at Thangorodrim and came back fiercer than before. The orcs fled before his eyes! Lose one hand? Become even deadlier with the other one. The fire in him, I believe, burnt as fiercely as it did in Fëanor.

Maedhros couldn’t even be killed. No one could end his life, he did it himself. He went through EVERYTHING and lived. Bound by the oath and the inevitable foul deeds (I know he could have chosen to not do what he did, but I say inevitable because he believed he had no choice). He tried so hard to do the right thing, he tried to keep his family together, to keep his brothers together (and under control), to keep his people together! For he knew and understood the issues among the Noldor and even if his brothers did not agree he tried, again, to do the right thing, and yielded his crown to Fingolfin to see if he could somehow have peace and to unite his people. Maedhros was strong and wise and good at diplomacy. He would have been a great King.

I believe that at times he wanted to die. That he risked his life half expecting to be killed. Because there was so much pain. Pain inside of him, pain all around him. Death and destruction wherever the enemy went and wherever he and his brothers went. Death follows them. There was hate and pride everywhere. He’s not a coward, but he must have felt tired, yet at the same time he wanted to survive, he had to survive! Because he had to be there to protect his brothers. He always put everyone before him. He had to be there to achieve what his father couldn’t and maybe then he could try to make things right again. But he had to succeed first and he would not rest until he did it. But everything was against him. His uncle gone. His brothers making things worse with Doriath. Betrayed by men and the little hope that he had managed to feel taken away from him. The oath kept ruining everything. And suddenly his best friend was also taken from him, the friend that had saved him when he had asked for death.
As if that wasn’t enough he then lost his brothers. Not in battles against the enemy but against other Elves. He must have known how stupid that was, what an utter waste to fight amongst themselves when they had a common enemy. Yet there was no choice for him, he had to do it, he had to reclaim The Silmarils, each and every one of them.

Do you see how strong he was? Physically and mentally. Imagine the amount of pain that he must have felt in the end to finally decide to put and end to it. The Silmaril that burnt his only hand as it had once burnt his enemy. He knew, the Doom of the Noldor had been spoken, the consequences of their actions he had seen them, he had lost his brothers because of it. Eonwe had warned him, it was in vain. But he couldn’t stop not when they had risked everything, lost everything and yet got so far. Imagine how bad it must have been for someone who had already gone through every terrible thing that could have been thought of only to come back stronger and still able to hope. Imagine how bad it must have been for him to finally lose all will to live and to actually leave one of his brothers behind, the brother that had been most with him. If Fëanor’s rage and despair drove him to rebel and kinslay and leave his halfbrother behind, Maedhros’ led him to take his own life, led him to no longer be able to see as clearly as he used to. He who had always been the voice of wisdom and tried for diplomacy and keeping everyone together, he was suddenly lost and even if Maglor was there, everything was lost for him, it was the end. And for the first time in his life he couldn’t take it anymore and he put an end to it.

I think it makes sense that although his body did not burn the way his father’s did, he still was consumed by fire.

Maedhros was tragic and heroic and beautiful. As it happens with every Feanorian I will not justify his deeds but in every evil deed he tried to find a way to do some good and that I admire.

These are the reasons why he is my favourite elf from all the elves that have ever walked on Valinor or Middle earth.

(Now think about Maedhros hanging from his wrist, singing despite all the pain when he hears Fingon’s voice. Yes beautiful. Ugh, I love him.)

“Loss”


Disappointment had become second nature to Rick. The shred of hope that dangled in the wind like the last petal to a rose, had finally fell, crushed below his feet as he stood in the middle of the street taking in the destruction and death surrounding him. Noah’s wails of hurt and turmoil filled his ears as he laid on the cold, dark asphalt, defeated. Once again the taste of disappointment, filled him bitterly. He looked to her, his guidance, his wisdom, the balance he always so desperately needed, the pain, disappointment and fear etched on her face, gave him pause. He could take his own pain….his own disappointment but seeing her walking towards him somberly, this world finally having the upper hand on conquering her was too much for him to handle. He needed to be her strength like she had been his so many times before, the words he needed to say wouldn’t do justice to how he wanted her to feel.

So as she walked pass him, he gently brushed her wrist. A silent communication for her to know that he was here, that everything would be okay….that they would get through this like they had gotten through every other hurdle in their lives, that this loss wasn’t too great for them to come back from.


@richonnefics