How NOT to fall in love: a 15 step plan by Dean Winchester
Don’t think at length about his eyes. Don’t look into them for a very long time either. In fact, if you look into his eyes too long, look away as soon as you notice. Don’t compare them to the ocean, or any well known, attractive blue things.
Stay calm around him. Stay collected, if not slightly pissed off. Don’t fidget with your hands, don’t touch your mouth, don’t shuffle your feet.
Tell him off when he gets too close. Make sure to breathe, even though he can be intimidating. Make sure you keep your eyes on a fixed part of his face, and keep them from looking up and down his body.
When confronted about him, or when made fun of about being his “boyfriend,” either ignore, sass or stab the perpetrator. Whichever is the most appropriate.
If he ever helps you, make sure to blow it off as a favor. Keep to yourself how warm it makes you feel inside.
However, if he’s ever in trouble, then make sure not even God will be able to save the poor sons of bitches that are giving him crap. Leave no survivors. Once it’s all over, make sure that he’s okay. It’s alright to cry during this part. After all, he is your best friend.
Make sure to have sex with a lot of women. If you are anticipating seeing him in the near future, head to a bar that night. Flirt with a girl. Fuck her, even. Stabilize your heterosexuality for the next few days.
Hell, it doesn’t matter WHAT girl you hit on. It could be his sister. His aunt. In the end, what’s the difference?
If he is in a compromising position, let that fuck you up with worry for the next few days. Or months. However long it takes to get it resolved.
No, really. Don’t stop talking about him. Stop caring about anything other than how to help him while you’re working. Let it be your motivating factor. Because that’s what friends do for each other.
If he ever starts taking off his shirt, it’s okay to stare a little bit. After all, it’s not like you’ve seen him without less than three layers before. Don’t stare too long though. Try to keep a conversation going.
Don’t smile at the way his face does the cute squinty thing when he’s confused. Don’t even pay attention to it.
Just… just don’t fall in love with him. Don’t do it. God, is it that fucking difficult?
Don’t. Fall. In. Love. Don’t. Fall. In. Love. Just. Please. Don’t. Fucking. Fall. In. Love.
- God damn it.