Crystal: A monkey actress

Crystal the Monkey is no small bananas. In just five of her movies, she holds a box office gross of over $1.5 Billion. Her film, “Hangover 2” opened at $177.8 Million, the largest opening weekend in history for a comedy. She has worked with some of the biggest directors in Hollywood. She has held her own with Oscar Winners, stole scenes from top comedians and is beloved with the press as she commands Red Carpets. Paired with her extraordinary trainer, Tom Gunderson, she began in the business at the live animal show at Universal Studios. 

In 1997, she appeared in her first film “George of the Jungle.” In 2007, with over 20 features to her name came her big break came in “Night at the Museum” with Ben Stiller. With her naughty character, Dexter, she proved herself as not just a trained animal, but as an actor. In the second installment of”Museum” she reprised her role of Dexter and furthered her range by playing the duel character of Able. In 2011, Crystal solidified herself as a box-office actress. 

A female capuchin monkey and animal actress, Crystal is owned by Birds & Animals Unlimited. Having appeared in over 20 films by 2011, Crystal first appeared in the 1997 film George of the Jungle. Wallace of the magazine New York said her Internet Movie Database page is “more hit-studded than most actors three times her age”, and Joe Flint of the Los Angeles Times called her “a veteran of movies and TV with an enviable IMDB credit list”. USA Today called Crystal “Hollywood’s Hottest Monkey” and the Los Angeles Times called her the most powerful pet in Hollywood”.

She is known for her roles in the 2006 film Night at the Museum and its sequels, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009) and Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (2014), playing troublesome monkey Dexter (also playing another character, Able, in the second film). In the 2009 film, her character slapped Ben Stiller’s, while her trainer encouraged her with “Get him! Get him! Hit him harder! Hit him harder!” Stiller joked that “I really dislike the monkey. There’s no way to feel great about having a monkey slap your face on any level”. During filming, Crystal in an “unscripted moment” relieved herself on Robin Williams, who was playing Teddy Roosevelt. Williams said, “It combines the worst aspects of working with children and animals when you have an animal that looks like a child … Plus, what human can [defecate] on you in the middle of a scene and people would be like ‘Awww, great’”.

Gunderson and Crystal worked together for eight years at the Animal Actors stage show. Because the show was marked by pyrotechnics and noisy, cheering audiences, Gunderson said it was “a boot camp” and “a great way for a monkey to grow up and become habituated for this kind of environment”. Unlike the majority of monkeys who were bothered by high volume music and children, Crystal was remarkably mature. Rather than destroy a stuffed animal as any other monkey would do, she preferred to groom herself and work the levers of a child’s activity centre.

Beginning with “Hangover 2” where she was a tour de force as a drug dealing gangster. Also, starring in “Hangover” was the hilarious actor, Ken Jeong who said “She’s not a monkey, she’s an actor. And quite possibly the best actor I’ve worked with.” In the USA Today’s review by Brian Alexander he said: “one cast member truly stood out: Crystal, a capuchin monkey. Maybe her name should be Hollywood’s Hottest Monkey.” She went onto play Donald the Monkey “Zookeeper” starring Kevin James with Adam Sandler dubbing her voice. Rounding out the year with Oscar winner, Matt Damon in “We got a Zoo.” When the new show “Animal Practice” aired in 2012, with Crystal on their cover, New York Magazine said “NBC’s most valuable commodity this fall: an irresistible, virtuoso capuchin monkey.” She played the adorable sidekick Dr. Rizzo.

-IMDb & Wikipedia

Today, I fucked up... by destroying my aunt's entire Swarovski Crystal collection

This happened over a decade ago when I was around 9.

My siblings, cousins and I were playing hide-and-go-seek in my Aunt’s fairly large living room, while the adults were doing their boring adult thing at the table along one of the walls. You know when you’ve played hide-and-go-seek a million times in the same house, yet by a stroke of imagination you manage to find that new spot that nobody’s ever found before? Well this time, I had found it. It was the short circular table that supported my Aunt’s Swarovski crystal collection. You know, the one with about 75 pieces that she’s been collecting her entire life? The house’s centrepiece? The one where friends would surprise her with a new thousand-dollar item every so often for decades?

Anyways. I felt like a genius for finding the spot. The table’s cloth perfectly covered the table’s legs. Genius. This was real estate that De Beers would be proud of. The only problem was that there was just so little room under there. So while my brother counted to 20, which probably happened over the course of a couple seconds, I scrambled under the Swarovski-ladden table and held my breath.

“20!” And the hunt began. From one corner of the room, I hear “No! Darn it!” Oh, there goes Christina. From behind the piano, you could hear a dissatisfied rumbling from Gary. Amateur. Entire seconds passed in the blink of an eye. When suddenly somebody – my brother! – grabbed my foot, which was neatly protruding from beyond the table’s hanging cloth. “Gotcha!” he cried.

That’s when I decided to scare him by springing up with all my might. Except I was beneath the table, which required extra might. And that’s when it happened. Before I knew it, I heard a loud crash on the floor behind me. Turning around, I saw it: all those crystal bears, elephants, monkeys, and other animals, destroyed. Some were decapitated; others suffered much more gruesome fates. Perhaps a few Siamese kittens survived; I forget. I pouted up to notice the parents mid-gasp. My aunt looked shocked and angry. I turned to my cousins – but the alibis disappeared! So I did what was natural, racing to the couch where I buried my face, crying, in the cushioniest corner, away from the world.

What would you do if some pesky kid accidentally ruins your life passion?

Well after 15 minutes of me sulking, my aunt sat down next to me. Perfect calm. And she told me this story:

“Once I was a dinner guest at a friend’s house. We had a very lovely meal and a great time. But when it was time to go, I started walking out, and when I did, my foot fell right through their hallway floor! I was so embarrassed! Their floor was broken! My friends were looking at me with such disapproval and I didn’t know what to say. I had ruined their home. I just felt like crying… I know exactly how you feel. And it’s okay.”

She was an incredibly strong woman. Passed away some years later. May she rest in peace.

TL;DR Playing hide-and-go-seek when I was 9. Destroyed Aunt’s entire Swarovski collection by jumping out from under the table that supported it. She showed tremendous grace in comforting me.

Check out more TIFU: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

List of CU OCs

Version 2 of the list because @dadarismus mentioned that it would help to add links to the ocs

[Names that show up more than once are italicized]

Jerome Horwitz Staff:





RWBabies: Snow Monkey Pt 2

Name: Crystal Elena Schnee

Goes By: Crys, Crysi (pronounced as Chrissy)

Age: 17

Sex: Female

Sexual Orientation: Asexual Homoromantic

Hair: Silver-white hair, cut short above her ears

Eyes: Light Blue

Faunus Trait: None (While Aubrey was born a Faunus, Crystal was born Human)

Height: 5′4″

Weight: Don’t you know never to ask a lady her weight ;)

Siblings: Aubrey Schnee (Older Brother)

Weapons: Eislilie, a pair of brawling gauntlets equipped with Ice Dust reservoirs, crafted in honor and inspiration of her Aunt Yang’s weapons.

Semblance: Glyphs. Hereditary Schnee Semblance, Crystal uses it for only one purpose: To make her punches hit harder. She will occasionally use them in other ways if asked but her go to default is to amplify the force behind her punches.

Team: LLAC (Lilac), 1st Year

Relationship Status: Single

Personality and Quirks: A tomboy at heart, Crystal is quick to react to any slight made to either herself or anyone she cares about. Acts like a lady from time to time, though follows the idea that “A true lady never kicks, but always punches”. Has a melodic singing voice and often sang with her mother.

Who cares if your music is old, or new. If you can sing every single word or only know the chorus. If you like it, and it brings you joy and life then listen to the Backstreet Boys or Gang Starr, fucking Beethoven if you want.


I made another pencil test animation featurimng Markiplier, plus Crystal the monkey! I like how this one turned out. No audio.

Night At The Museum: Secret of the Tomb

Very conclusion to series. Much what expect from older movies.  Some much funny moments.  Very like Robin Williams in last big role, much fitting for him.  Much love Jedediah/Octavius chemistry, favorite characters.  Love return of Dum Dum.  Such respect for Crystal the Monkey! Great fitting end for series.  Such family fun.  Solid 3 Paws up!