Count Rugen

Am I the only one who wants Maggie and Glenn’s child to be born, and to avenge Glenn’s death by taking out Negan all Inigo Montoya style?


“Hello, my name is Hershel Rhee. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

The Princess Bride Live Reading feat. Hugh Jackman

Oh, dear friends. It’s not often that I get to treat myself, but tonight I did, and it was so freaking worth it.

Roughly a week and a half ago, the Atlanta Journal Constitution wrote an article announcing that none other than Hugh Jackman would be starring in a live reading of The Princess Bride at the Rialto Center for the Arts in Atlanta, GA. 

If you’re anything like me, the sound of Hugh Jackman and The Princess Bride in the same freaking sentence is like chocolate and peanut butter.

But then add on top that all the proceeds for the live reading go to Puerto Rico and basically there was no fucking way I wasn’t going to grab a ticket.

It was the best decision I’ve made in months.

The live reading was put on by Jason Reitman (Juno, Up in the Air, Thank You for Smoking), his father Ivan Reitman (Ghostbusters, Stripes, Evolution), and some odd cast members (I apologize–I didn’t recognize any but two of them, and unfortunately I didn’t see a program listing their names) from a biopic they are shooting starring Hugh Jackman. They’ve been filming in Atlanta for two months now and they thought it would not only be a great chance to raise money for Puerto Rico, but it was a lovely thank you for how much fun they’ve had in our city. 

I had so much fun that I’m pretty sure I’ve been smiling ever since the metaphorical curtains went up.

This was my first ever live reading. Basically, they had the actual screenplay for The Princess Bride film adaptation and the actors read the parts with a background behind them that changed with the scenery. It was a very fun, relaxed atmosphere. 

The kicker is that I didn’t know who else would be on the cast live reading and…

Freaking J.K. Simmons was there.

Originally posted by everythingstarstuff

I just about lost my voice cheering.

I’ve loved the man forever. Since Spider-Man and The Mexican. I’ll watch any damn thing he’s in and he was cast as Prince Humperdink, and couldn’t have been more amazing. 

So basically I got to watch Wolverine vs. J. Jonah Jameson.

Aside from just needing to geek out, the reason I wanted to make a post is simply five priceless moments that I thought I should share with you guys. Keep in mind, this’ll have more relevance if you’ve seen The Princess Bride.

Moment #1:

During the opening where the narration is describing Westley and Buttercup’s relationship, Hugh Jackman says “As you wish” for the first time and I swear to God, the entire female half of the audience simultaneously swooned. It was so noticeable that Hugh chuckled and asked us if we were all okay and then we laughed before they moved on.

Moment #2:

During the confrontation between Vizzini and Westley, there’s that line of, “Because everyone knows iocane powder comes from Australia” and the actor pauses and stares pointedly at Hugh Jackman and he and the whole audience burst out laughing. It is then proceeded by the line, “And as we all know, Australia is entirely peopled with criminals.” We laugh even harder at that one. It was just a happy coincidence.

Moment #3:

During the scene where Westley is on the Machine, Hugh Jackman was acting out the pain and during his flailing, he pretends to whip out his Wolverine claws and mimics slashing things up and so of course we were all cracking up.

Moment #4:

During the scene after Inigo and Fezzik have revived Westley with the Miracle pill, there’s a line from Westley, “Well, I’ve always been a quick healer.” Cue the entire audience and the cast cracking up that yet again we have a happy coincidence line relevant to Hugh Jackman.

Moment #5:

During the scene where Westley and Buttercup are reunited, in the film, Westley’s on the bed and Buttercup gives him little kisses in excitement. Hugh and the actress playing Buttercup are sitting next to each other, naturally, and the actress picks up Hugh’s arm and starts kissing up his arm in a Gomez-Morticia fashion. Again, absolutely hysterical. We’re all laid out in the aisles. It was too cute. 

Everyone did a phenomenal job. I had so much fun. It was just a breath of fresh air in my dumpster fire life that keeps getting worse with every day. I just really want to thank the cast for their performances and thank them even more for donating the money to help Puerto Rico recover. 

I hope this post brought a smile to your face. 

It sure brought one to mine.

8

“My mind said, Mandy, if you get that part, and you play that guy, and you get that six-fingered man, and you get him, that’s cancer, and if you get him, your dad will come back.” —Mandy Patinkin (Inigo Montoya) [x]

Hold It, Is This a Kissing Article?

On deck for quite a long time now is a color pie article about the characters from The Princess Bride. The film’s wit, action, humor, and drama has cemented it as a staple family film for decades. It goes without saying that today’s article will contain plenty of spoilers, so stop now if you haven’t seen the film and don’t want the burden of knowledge.

And if you have seen The Princess Bride, you probably don’t need me to introduce much up here. And you probably just want to read the talky-color-pie parts. And you probably want to skip all the kissing.

As you wish, reader.

Westley/The Dread Pirate Roberts

Westly is a humble farm boy who is deeply in love with the woman he works for, Buttercup. His devotion and loyalty make him the perfect servant, a fact that Buttercup gets frustrated with until she realizes his motives. They smooch and it’s all happy. Westley leaves to get enough money to marry Buttercup, because his life is all about her. This is some hardcore Red stuff right here.

Westley’s Red devotion to Buttercup is the driving force of the film. He ventures back from near death (twice!) to rescue her from a false marriage. Everything he does in the film is to end up living happily ever after with his one true love.

But that isn’t the totality of Westley’s character. His motives are certainly Red, but what about the means? This is where his Blue side shines.

You see, Westley is a master of deception. He takes on the persona of the Dread Pirate Roberts for years in order to return home, even maintaining that disguise in front of Buttercup until she pushes him down a hill. He outwits Vizzini, a noted smartypants, and creates a plan of disguise to storm Humperdinck’s castle. Even when his body is broken he feigns strength to intimidate Humperdinck himself. Westley is clever in the way that only Blue is, solidifying him as a Blue/Red protagonist.

Buttercup

Despite being the titular character of the film, Buttercup doesn’t actually do a whole lot. She loves Westley a bit before getting mopey upon hearing about his death (He’s not really dead.) Then she gets kidnapped, rescued, kidnapped again, and locked away in a castle to be wed to Prince Humperdinck. In that time she basically can’t stop talking about her love for Westley. She has her doubts, but is ultimately prepared to take her own life rather than marry another man.

Seem overly dramatic?

Yeah, Buttercup is mono-Red. Whether she’s peachy in love or wallowing in despair, she is a woman who wears her emotions on her sleeves, belt, shoes, and has a whole set of emotion-laden eveningwear in her closet.

Prince Humperdinck

Prince Humperdinck is the main antagonist of the story and a classic jerkface. Let’s make a list of all the terrible things he does in the film:

  • Kidnaps Buttercup in order to force her to marry him.
  • Plans to get his fiancé killed, blame it on another kingdom, and use the event to justify a war.
  • Has megalomaniacal aspirations to rule the world.
  • Kidnaps Buttercup in order to force her to marry him again.
  • Turns Westley over to a torture enthusiast.
  • Renders Westley mostly dead on a torture machine.
  • Still plans to kill his fiancé just so he can be king and boot his dad out of power.

You don’t need to know a whole lot about the color pie to recognize Humperdinck as a Black villain. The story isn’t even transparent about it (It doesn’t have to be. Part of the fun of The Princess Bride is how on-the-nose it gets with fantasy and romance tropes.) So boom, the evil Prince Humperdinck fulfils his destiny as a mono-Black evil doer.

Inigo Montoya

Inigo is out for revenge.

But not the “you hit me now I hit you back” kind of revenge. That’s more Black. Rather, Inigo is engaging in the, “I want my father back, you son of a bitch,” kind of revenge. That’s more Red.

We don’t learn a whole lot about Inigo during the story, just that he loved his father very much and has taken up the blade to avenge his death. He may be acting as a hired sword for now, but Inigo is always moving forward in his plan. Every job has him questioning new people about the mysterious six-fingered man that killed his father.

Equally Red is Inigo’s empathy for Westley. Despite their duel, Inigo wishes the lover well in his search for his true love. They become allies as the story progresses, and he becomes quite moved by Westley’s dedication to Buttercup.

Loving revenge and empathy? Inigo Montoya is a certified mono-Red character.

Fezzik

When we first meet Fezzik, he faces off against Westley in a match of brute strength. Fezzik is shown to be a strong brute, but he is ultimately outwitted and defeated by the much smaller man. This already nudges Fezzik towards being a Green character, but that hypothesis is confirmed as we learn more.

Despite this first meeting Fezzik is largely a gentle giant. His natural size and strength make him a good fighter, but otherwise he’s calm, honest, and generally wants to see people be happy. He keeps the good-guy team together when in dire straits. These are all traits befitting a Green character, and I think Fezzik is a great example of how well the color pie was aligned to existing ideas about characters and their motivations.

Vizzini

The final member of the motley crew of mercenaries is the astounding Vizzini. Where Inigo brandishes steel and Fezzik flexes flesh, Vizzini’s realm is the mind. Short, round, and bald, this is not an imposing man.

In order to defeat Vizzini, Westley must face him in a challenge of wits. Whoever drinks the poison chalice will die and lose. Which chalice could the poison be in? Vizzini will surely defeat puny Westley in this mind game!

(He doesn’t.)

Vizzini’s small stature and logical puzzles make him a fairly straightforward Blue character.

Count Tyrone Rugen, the Six-Fingered Man

Finally, there is Count Tyrone Rugen, and I bet most of you didn’t even know he had a name. He’s mostly referred to as “the six-fingered man,” as we hear Inago talk about him often.

So Rugen killed Inigo’s pop. We don’t know why, but we can infer that it’s because the Count is a downright horrible person. The guy has a torture chamber called the Pit of Despair where he’s built a machine that sucks the life out of someone. Yikes.

What colors does this fall under though? His sadistic streak points to Black or Red, but I think it’s a little bit of both. Rugen clearly enjoys his painful pursuits and is generally excited to experiment on Westley. Ty also expresses a great deal of power as Humperdinck’s right-hand man, which is more Black.

Underneath it all, however, he is quite methodical. He takes detailed notes of his victims’ reactions, carefully ramping up The Machine little by little. In a way he’s sort of a scientist, albeit a terribly unethical one.

I think each of these idiosyncrasies meld together to make the six-fingered man a Grixis character who revels in the systematic torture of others.

Andrew, Maybe You Could Come Over and Write More to Me Tomorrow

No. Thursday’s my day off, Fred Savage. Go back to bed.

I don’t think it’s very surprising that the bad guys in a fantasy story skew Black and the lovey-dovey heroes are Red. Like I said earlier, The Princess Bride likes to be cheekily on-the-nose about things, so this is kind of an easy film to read with regards to the color pie. But I hope that didn’t stop you folks from enjoying this article.

Until next time, planeswalkers, may your homes stay free of R.O.U.S.’s.

9

Inconceivable!!!  The cast of The Princess Bride reunited after 25 years.  I shed a tear seeing the small picture of Fezzik aka the late André the Giant in the bottom right corner of the reunion pic. Also the picture of the late Peter Falk (Grandpa/Narrator) is in the center of the group.

Prince Humperdinck: [sincerely] Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I’m swamped.


Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.

— 

This honestly cracks me up so much.  Sometimes (like now) when I’m feeling overwhelmed with life, I just mutter to myself, I’ve got my health.  Or start listing off the things I have to do and toss in ‘and Guilder to frame for it; I’m swamped.’


Oh Princess Bride.  You have a quote for everything