It was almost too painful to imagine a life without you and then I woke up and realized that if you could imagine a life without me and not feel anything at all, then we weren’t meant to be, and in that case you can fuck off. I deserve better. Better will find me.
—  Your not some game, you deserve to be loved. ‘Thoughts I have at night’
Methods of Soothing Alters (externally)

Some methods of coping/soothing alters externally (outside of head space):

If you have a trusted person, talking to them and explaining what’s going on can sometimes be very helpful. 

Journaling! Have a notebook ready with a variety of colors. If you need soothing, write or draw out whatever comes to mind. If you’re not, but can’t interact with whoever requires help, let yourself zone out and create what comes to mind. 

Keep comfort objects. Stuffed animals (scented with essential oils, if you’d like!) can be extremely helpful for externally soothing a panicked alter. Sometimes it can be helpful to keep a shoebox full of small toys or objects that you can pull out when you’re trying to soothe yourself or another. Check out stim toys at toy stores like Timbuk Toys or online for this. 

Safe repetitive motions, such as sucking on a gummy necklace or pacifier, petting an animal or stuffed animal, squeezing a stress ball, pushing against a wall, etc can sometimes help (another form of stimming!). Watching stimming videos (like slime blogs, cooking shows, How It’s Made, etc) can also help. You can take up knitting or crocheting if that comforts or distracts you. 

Keeping a “safe spot,” with blankets, pillows, and comforting objects (coloring books? a comfy sweater?) can often help during or before breakdowns. Set it up in a closet or another safe and somewhat secluded location if you’d like. Stock it well and include water bottles and well-stored snacks like gummies. 

Have a comforting go-to playlist with calming music. I like trace music like Oceanlab but different styles work for different people. Check out cute animal videos. Play a cartoon that isn’t stressful or requires too much thinking. 

Meditating can sometimes help get to the root of the problem, if there is one, but do so with caution. Soothing can help a situation permanently but if the situation feels like it might get out of hand, get help from a trusted therapist or a close friend if you don’t have a therapist. 


Be safe and careful!

There are many ways to calm a negative energy without suppressing or fighting it. You recognize it, you smile to it, and you invite something nicer to come up and replace it; you read some inspiring words, you listen to a piece of beautiful music, you go somewhere in nature, or you do some walking meditation.
—  Thich Nhat Hanh