Classical-joke

A the barber shop
  • Barber: would like a haircut
  • Me: yes I would love A hair cut
  • Barber: haha classic joke
  • *barber then realizes my entire head of hair is just one single long peice of hair of wrapped around my noggin
  • Barber: y did u do this
  • Me: so I could make this post
  • Barber: you could've just said that you had but you didn't have to do it in real life
  • Me: but I've been working on this post for years

Happy Spring, my dears! To celebrate my favourite season, I present to you a tarot challenge for the month of April. You are 100% welcome to alter or skip days as makes you comfortable, as these are just my own silly suggestions. Also, please feel free to @ me or tag with April Fool Tarot Challenge to share your adventures through the month! Write as artistically or as informally as you like! (PS I realise this is a little early/long-winded, I honestly just got excited). Anyway, with your consent, I wish you all the growth and warmth of the season! :)


1. The April Fool Spread: Shuffle, and find the Fool. The cards on either side are “what to be optimistic about this month” and “what to be wary of, in case it’s a trick”

2. Tarot Garden: Go through your decks and see if you can find at least three different flower species depicted. Take a super aesthetic photo of this tarot garden!

3. The Sun Cross Spread: Shuffle and find the Sun. The cards on either side are things that will warm up your spring

4. Green Thumb: Find three cards (or more!) with green as the dominant colour. Do the cards’ meanings relate somehow? If differentiating colours is difficult, select one or more cards that mean “growth” to you.

5. The April Showers Spread: Pull a card to represent April showers (an upcoming challenge), and another to show May flowers (a potential positive outcome of this challenge)

6. The Spring Cleaning Spread: Pull (randomly or by design) a card to represent something that needs to leave your life

7. The “That Gross Dirty Melting Snow” Spread (I asked my boyfriend what spring reminds him of, which was a mistake): Tell your deck the beginning of a classic joke, and then pull the punchline. Guaranteed to be an experience.

8. The Diamond Spread: For the April birthstone, pull four cards to represent Luxury, Clarity, Strength, and Rarity for the situation of your choosing

9. The Blossom Spread: Pull a Blossom (something to strive for), a Stem (what to do to help you get there), and Roots (what you already have that will guide your journey).

10. Wild Cards: Take a photo of your cards out in nature (or if you can’t leave your house, with a sweet houseplant!)

11. Haiku: Pull three random cards to write a haiku

12. Sweet Pea: For the birth flower of April, talk about a card that always makes you feel good when you pull it

13. Rubber Boots: Pull a card randomly. Its numerical value is your puddle-jumping-armour stat. How wet are your feet?

14. Hanami: Pull a card (randomly or by design) to represent something that doesn’t last long, so needs to be appreciated while it’s here

15. Tea Time: Have some tea with your cards! You’re halfway through and deserve a break.

16. The Two Easters Spread: My family celebrates both new and old calendar holidays, meaning that we usually have two Easters a year. This year, both fall on the same day (today)! To celebrate, pull two cards: The Resurrection (a lesson you could learn from your childhood self), and Renewed Hope (a message you need to hear from your deck). Feel free to alter this one as is comfortable for your spirituality.

17. The Spring Fling Spread: Shuffle, then spread your cards face up. Are the Lovers closer to the Emperor or the Empress? Use this as advice in your interpersonal relationships

18. Fairy Tales: Pull a card or two to tell us what your life as a garden fairy would be like

19. The Aries Spread: For the last day of this sign, pull a card each for the four stars of the Aries constellation. These will represent Passion (something to pour your heart into), Impulse (something to follow your gut on), Optimism (something to lift your spirits), and Aggression (something frustrating to work on).

20. The Taurus Spread: Taurus has way too many stars for this (lol), so instead, pull a card each for its two horns. One to represent something wonderfully stable, and one to represent something just a little stubborn.

21. The Chinook Spread: Pull a card to represent a very rapid change

22. The Earth Day Spread: Pull a card (or two or three) as a reminder of everything the planet has done for you!

23. The Rainy Day Spread: Pull three cards suggesting your next rainy day activities

24. Tanka: Pull five cards to write a tanka (like a haiku, but the syllables are 5-7-5-7-7)

25. Spring Break: Build a house of cards as best you can. Share pictures, even if it’s kind of a mess (I know mine will be)

26. The Weather: Describe today’s weather using tarot cards! Maybe even try to predict tomorrow’s weather, if you’re feeling it

27. The Migration Spread: Place five cards in a V, like geese flying north for the summer. What are you flying towards?

28. The Arbour Day Spread: A pine tree needs all four classical elements to survive: earth to hold onto, air to breathe, water to drink, and fire to release its seeds. Choose one card of each suit to describe yourself.

29. Rainbow: Find cards in each colour of the rainbow, for the sheer aesthetic of it. If differentiating colours is difficult (or your deck is fairly monochrome), find a handful of your happiest cards and lay them out in an arch.

30. Sunday Brunch: You’re off for a lovely Sunday brunch. Which court card(s) do you invite?

Underrated detail this episode, Lucretia made Merle ginkgo tea sometimes to help with his memory. (He almost definitely followed up drinking cups of it with the classic Dad Joke of pretending to forget who she was altogether and referring to her as, among other things, “probably a very nice young lady” and “the sweet young doctor who works at this here nursing home”.)

Also she knelt down to talk to him and reassure him while he was shirtless which was a brave action and a sacrifice that will not be forgotten. 

aeternumque manus carpebant rite laborem.
laeva colum molli lana retinebat amictum,
dextera tum leviter deducens fila supinis
formabat digitis, tum prono in pollice torquens
libratum tereti versabat turbine fusum,
atque ita decerpens aequabat semper opus dens,
laneaque aridulis haerebant morsa labellis
quae prius in levi fuerant exstantia filo.
ante pedes autem candentis mollia lanae
vellera virgati custodibant calathisci.

– from Catullus 64


“…and the hands [of the Fates] properly plucked at their eternal labor. The left held the distaff wrapped in soft wool; then the right, lightly drawing it out, formed the thread with upturned fingers; then twisting it on a downturned thumb, she turned it on a spindle weighted with a round whorl; and from there the tooth, plucking it off, evened up the product, and tufts of wool which were standing out before on the light thread stuck to dry lips; and at their feet twig-woven baskets guarded the soft fleeces of white wool.”


our name is Fayts
and wen man laffs
at thred of fayt
on our distaffs

we pluk the wool
we draw tord hed
we byt it off
we lik the thred

“klangst idea where lance is straight and keith is gay and forever pining after him” — okay but maybe instead of that, don’t use an actual problem a lot of gay people face as some shipping angst fodder and don’t use the classic homophobic joke of a subplot every “”“progressive”“” movie tries to frame as gay rep (i.e. fucking lefou from beauty and the beast)

also like it’s borderline homophobic to ship a gay couple but then??? not want to see them happy and together??? like yeah not everything has to be sunshine and rainbows but frankly the gay community has seen enough media where one of us dies or where we’re forever pining after our straight best friend due to homophobic writing and censorship. so basically putting gay characters in those situations is just Nasty™ and feeds into those ugly ass tropes.