Cigarettes II

James at the park by the potter house.
Taken by Alice

James started smoking when he was 17 , his mates from gryffindor introduced him to it, his mum was not very happy about it , they had a big argument which lasted for nearly 2 weeks . Alice ,however, excepted it because she loved James and believed he should be able to make his own decisions, her only advice was that he didn’t do it too much , that way , it would take longer for any damage to happen to him and he could’ve given it up before damage was caused.

-backstory of the picture-

Alice was staying round the potters for a few days , so one day James took her to the park.
“James it’s freezing , how are you not wearing a coat ?!” -Alice
“Because I’m so hot ally, I don’t need a coat..”-James
“Really Jamie ? You. Hot? I’ve never noticed.” -Alice ,smirking,
“Oi! If you’ve never noticed then you would’ve never had said yes to going out with me in the first place and you would’ve defiantly never of said yes to staying in my house , let alone my bed”-James
“First of all Jamie , I asked you out ”- Alice
“So I’m hot right?” -James
“No , your fucking freezing , put that cigarette out and put a coat on”-Alice

drabble; heritage

drabble; pg-13; violent imagery; My Struggle II AU; Every man has his weakness. Mulder visiting C.G.B. Spender in his study.

***

It’s the only time in his life he allows himself to think it: this is my father. Good ol’ dad, and I’m going to spray his brains all over the wall.

I’m going to kill him. I’m going to paint myself with his blood. Then I’ll probably seize to death right here on his hardwood floor, but I’m going to do it. I’m going to fucking kill him.

What’s your name? I gotta stop fucking around. Straighten your arm. Get closer. What’s your name? Who’s been taking care of you? What’s your goddamned name?

He thinks: time to kill the man who killed the world. Then he pushes himself. And he pushes himself. Just a little closer. The barrel touches rice paper skin, tears it a little. Father makes a laughing noise that puffs right out of his smoke hole and Mulder almost pulls the trigger right then.

In a roundabout way he can make this his own fault. Do it, because you didn’t do it before and look where it’s gotten you. Look what it’s gotten her. Closer. Cancer Man doesn’t flinch, not even when the gun scrapes loopy patterns into his temple.

Mulder’s mouth is fuzzy, his tongue is dry; the world will fall away, first in his head when he takes his last breath, then for real. This is my father. The thought makes this easier, it’s just everything else that makes it so hard.

For a man whose traded his life to evade death, daddy dearest rests awful easy under the gun. He’s even smiling. Something thick and biotic grows in Mulder, cutting through mucous and blood and bone and bullshit genetic material. He drags the gun down. Cancer Man hums surprisedly when the cool metal touches his lips.

Father. Dad. Playing hardball with dad. Teach me how to shave, dad. How to love a beautiful woman right. I’m gonna do it. I’m going to fucking kill you. A rustle in the corner means nothing to him. It doesn’t register. His finger brushes the trigger. The voice that calls out doesn’t catch him off guard. This is happening… closer…

“Uh, Mr. Spender?” Squeaky, unsure. Nasally as hell. Mulder pays no mind. He’s almost there. Then, more frantic: “Mr. Spender? Mr. Spender!”

Cancer Man pulls away from the caress of the certain death with a calm familiarity, grinning with no teeth and soft eyes that alert Mulder to how much worse a situation can get when the sky is literally falling around you.

“Oh, William, my boy,” he says, staring directly at Mulder. The gun falls to the floor. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

nocturne, in vi parts.

i. there is a word i cannot say, not just because you said i cannot.

to me, it’s no longer a word
but a name, the name of a girl
of whom i have often writ—
no, not
the one with the cigarette.

ii. in that instance i merely sailed on in an uncharted yet familiar sea

that girl was

a dalliance into a demesne

as of yet unknown, yet known
through dissembling movement;
desultory in desuetude,
yet still dulcet—

a mnemonic for the pneumatic,

prismatically elliptical, erratically

erstwhile as an epiphany,

ephemeral before its evanescence
into 
evocative emulation
of ethereality.

iii. of this girl—

not the one with the dart
who was darting away before
words less platitudinous darted
from my mouth, 

but the one who,
incognizant of the mercuriality
of my vicissitude,
is not just a word to me— 

iv. of her, i no longer see synonyms in sentence or locution, but

in briotic impression,
the éclat of memories,
as night transmogrifies reflection
into slowly-fading rêveries.

v. yet she has an antonym, and it is her name. 

her vivacity steals my vitality, 
her vibrancy absconds with my thoughts. 

even the sight of that simple word 
secluded in a list of six
signifies a feebly rejected 
return to reminiscence.

vi. as such i am lost to gravity yet again.

she is even more of
a melancholy quixotism
to me than the moon 
and the stars;

compared to the galaxy’s
distant periphery,
she is 

even further still. 

I. I feel like I don’t exist
My words dissipate into the air
like the smoke on the end of your cigarette

II. I have lived for decades
and died a thousand deaths only to be brought back from the brink; if only one more time, if only to do things right this go around—I do not want to know of the other ways that I can die in this lifetime

III. I have these miles of skin
and nowhere to go
Like ocean tides I almost reach you
only to be forced back to the depths again

IV. I can’t speak
My throat raw from saltwater
I am drowning in thoughts for
No one taught me how to swim in a hurricane

V. I feel everything
Each move I make weighted and sharp
At night, it crawls through my veins,
this dark thing that refuses to detach itself from me

VI. I don’t feel anything
My blood turned to sludge
My body numb to everything around it

VII. What an existence— feeling everything to each extreme
To be full and to be drained
over and over again

VIII. There’s nothing right about what I am doing
yet, I am still doing it— living in the shadows and darkest corners of every room in my heart

IX. Everything is so good at leaving except for the darkness

X. I still am not sure of all the things that live inside of me, just that they all are tired

—  Alexis H., all of the things in me are tired

you’re cold and i burn - i guess i’ll never learn

i. all the pretty girls - kaleo | ii. cigarettes - russian red | iii. we are never ever getting back together - noah guthrie (cover) | iv. isaac - bear’s den | v. the grand optimist - city and colour | vi. love is all - the tallest man on earth | vii. bella - angus & julia stone | viii. smoother - daughter | ix, england skies - shake shake go | x. hold on - sons of the east | xi. please please please let me get what i want - the smiths | xii. the beast - angus & julia stone | xiii. months - the middle east | xiv. left for america - ciaran lavery | xv. i have made mistakes - the oh hello’s | xvi. fragile meadow - the black atlantic | xvii. 22 - night beds | xviii. cover your tracks - a boy & his kite | xix. now i love someone - holly throsby

listen

LSTN // (listen)

basically a grab bag of some of my favorite 3D audio songs. YOU HAVE TO USE HEADPHONES OR THE MAGIC IS GONE.

i. national anthem (3d) // lana del rey

ii.) cigarette daydreams (3d) // cage the elephant

iii.) i wanna be yours (3d) // arctic monkeys

iv.) wires (3d) // the neighbourhood

v.) stop the world cause i wanna get off with you (3d) // arctic monkeys

vi.) oh no! (3d) // marina and the diamonds

vii.) blue jeans (3d) // lana del rey

viii.) laura palmer (3d) // bastille

ix.) no. 1 party anthem (3d) // arctic monkeys

x.) west coast (3d) // the neighbourhood

xi.) love on top (3d) // beyonce

xii.) marlboro lights (3d) // natalia kills

I. My shirt smells like the cigarette smoke that I haven’t been around all day so that leaves me hoping it’s from your cigarette weeks ago. In that hope I will leave these clothes on and let the remanence of that cigarette burn my eyes.

II. There’s a taste in my mouth and a rush in my breath that I haven’t felt since I last kissed you and I’m left asking myself where it came from because I know it wasn’t from the girl that just left my house.

III. You asked about my past and everything that happened and you sat there in that parking lot with me smoking your cigarette looking ever so beautiful but it’s the question that entailed that bothered me more. You asked me later on why I hadn’t asked about your past and baby girl some question are better left unanswered. I do not want to know what used to make you happy and I do not want to know of the others more fortunate enough to see your soft white skin and glaze it with their lips let alone the fact that I was not even in existence to you at the time.

IV. There’s a spot in my bed that has been untouched for weeks and it has become colder than the outside world because it’s like everything in my life has lost that touch that you gave off. You had a fire in your eyes and veins and soul. You had a passion matching your beauty and it makes me question why we ever sat out at bonfires when we could just sit in my room, you warmer than any fire and the smoke from your cigarettes leaving traces on my clothes worth remembering.

V. The music that you listened to and the air that was lucky enough to touch your lips still bounces off the walls of my room and every time I walk in there’s a rush of air that hits me and it always seems to be cold even though you’ve spent more time there in the past few years than I have in months. I’ve been too busy picking myself up at bars and drinking vodka that burns warmer than your breath going down my throat to be at home alone without you there.

anonymous asked:

okay so. you've reminded me about cut it out, and then restart again, which means i have an extreme craving for fics with pining!dean and promiscuous!cas again, but i can usually only find fics with that dynamic the other way around. so, help me please?

Hey, you’re right! Fics with pining!dean and promiscuous!cas are pretty hard to find. Promiscuous Cas is kinda staple in end!verse fics, but rarely a focus of the story. And we use 2014!cas tag for free spirit/ drug addict/ promiscuous Cas in AU fics. Fics on our virgin!dean and prostitute!cas tags also usually have more sexually experienced Cas. Be sure to also check out this ask about slutty Dean and Cas fics. 

I. Fics where Cas sexual escapades took place before he met Dean 

II. Fics where pining!dean is aware of and affected by Cas/Other sexual relationship. These recs don’t include fics with Cas just dating or Dean misunderstanding the situation.
Note: quite often our Cas/other and Dean/other tags are added to indicate past relationships and not the one that happens in the story. 

III. Some spoilerish fic recs where Dean thinks that Cas is promiscous or in a serious relationship with other, but it’s not actually true.

For those interested here is cut it out, and then restart (ePub is below the title). If any of our followers have suggestions that fit perfectly, please drop them in our ask box. Thanks!