Chapter 3: Addressing Feelings


“When are we gonna spend time together? I barely see you, Tone.” I followed my husband upstairs with our baby on my hip, it was clear he wasn’t listening to me. Any other day I would’ve tolerated this, but I was fed up. It seemed like nothing mattered to him anymore, including me. There was a time when I loved the way he lied to me, I accepted it, I accepted the fact that he tried. There was a time when I loved the way he ignored me, it gave me a chance to hide my insecurities. There was always a time when I was sure that he loved me, until now.

I felt my insecurities arise as I watched him go into our bedroom and close the door in my face. “Would you please just listen to me?” I opened the door slowly.

“I don’t wanna listen Ameena. I want you to leave me alone.”

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6| Day Ones


I could safely say, my party went on without a hitch the whole entire time; from start to finish. I didn’t know how I managed to pull that off but by the Grace of God, it happened. Chance didn’t show up, however, but I wasn’t going to allow that to ruin my mood for the moment. I had finally done what I said I would do and nothing was going to knock me off my pedestal, that I worked hard to get to. Of course it hurt to see that Chance decided to let a petty argument stop him from showing up but that was an issue to fix at a later time.

With Erin, Rayne, Dominic and the guys the only ones left after everyone else was escorted out by security, everyone offered to tidy up a little bit before we called it a night. Before the party officially ended, Dominic finally found his balls and introduced himself to the guys. It would’ve been a little weird of him not to. For my sake, nothing popped off when they did and they were all casual towards one another.

The look that Brian and Caiden shared with one another when finding out that Dominic was with me was still etched into my brain. I didn’t get a chance to really ask the guys too much information on what that whole ordeal was but best believe I was going to investigate and find out. All the little gifts that I received throughout the night was placed in the back of the Escalade. I made plans to meet up with the guys tomorrow afternoon for lunch before they departed altogether in the various cars they owned. Erin left right after which only left Rayne, Dominic and I.

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03. I’ll Risk Losing You

Setting: California, Los Angeles
Time: 2016

3rd Person:

On the first page of our story, the light seemed to illuminate the future. There was no doubt that it was bright. But as good things grow old and the purity is lost through the acts of time, it is safe to say that even angels have their wicked schemes. It’s sick to say, all these battles are what keeps us alive. As time grows old, we often need a reminder of why we keep fighting.

His words were little moments,

Gifts from the stars even

They never seem to fly away

But lay silent and lingering in times of disarray

His promises were never a delay

Although he often wondered,

If love existed for him, in such a way

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anonymous asked:

If you could fuck any ten celebrities who would they be?

- Michael B Jordan
- Anthony Joshua
- Trey songz
- Nathan owens
- Big Sean
- Drake
- J Cole
- Chris brown
- T.I
- Rihanna



My favorite author F.Scott Fitzgerald once said:

“It is sadder to find the past again and find it inadequate to the present than it is to have it elude you and remain forever a harmonious conception of memory.”

Even now as a twenty-three year old, I always took that quote as an idea to learn from the mistakes you’ve made. Yes, there is a time to fall, but the worst fall is the one that takes you forever to pick yourself up. More importantly, the greatest fall you can ever make is falling hard and long; therefore, you never miss a moment, you feel every bit of gravity pulling you down. If you never fall you never know what it’s like to get back up. I always believed in this theory, except I never knew my greatest fall would be that from love.  I never realized that the gravity pulling me down would be my own sadness.

Sadness was an unknown feeling to me. I only saw the beauty in people; I lived my life happy even if I grew up from a poor family. Life was life and was living it. I lived by the rule of kindness and harmony, all I wanted was that. That was the reason I studied to be a nurse, I wanted to help people. I thought of the path I traveled to be easy, until one man could change my life forever.

I had never been in love, nor had I ever experienced the touch of a man, until I fell in love with Chris. He was different; he ruined my life, but also created happiness around the edges of my heart at the same time. I should have known from the beginning that falling in love with a drug lord was a failed love story written in stone.

There is a sense of things being imperfect as far as love. Imperfect is the form of natural being, things you can’t help. Every day you see it with love. A simple kiss form from the lips of two lovers is something ever still so imperfect, but it feels perfect to the heart’s content. Perfection does not exist, nor can perfection exist in a world full of imperfect people. My love with Chris was imperfect, but the feeling as perfect, then one day it wasn’t.  I was warned; Chris told me that in the midst of it all he would only break my heart. I didn’t want to believe him nor did I ever imagine that such evil things would be written along the path I traveled. When his mother died, so did the little piece of goodness inside of him. I never knew if I was talking to him or if I was talking to his hurt. The only thing I knew was that the family we built together would no longer have my face in the picture.

Maybe it was my fault. Maybe it wasn’t. Like god had a plan for his angels that wandered in the sky, perhaps he had a plan for me. Lately, my faith had faded, my feet grew tired, and my mind lost conscious of what truly mattered. The one thing that was at the top of my pride list were my four precious babies, and now that was deprived of me, and so was my rights to love. Since Chris was one of the most feared men in California, no one had dared to sweep me off my feet. I was forever invisible, unless I was singing at night or being a pediatric nurse during the day.

I didn’t want to say I stopped fighting for my children, but what went down between Chris and I would never be mended, but forever broken. He hated me, and punished me by not allowing me to see them or ever come in contact with them. He was evil and nothing could stop the fire brewing in his heart.


After my dad kicked my mom out over bullshit that he started, things weren’t easy. I haven’t seen her only because my dad threatened that if she ever came close to anyone in this house that he would string her up and beat the shit out of her, then he would kill her. She knew that if she died by the hands of my father, me, Sommer, and the twins Amena and Christian who were only two, would lose a piece of everything we knew. I knew she would never give up on us, I knew she still tried to fight for us.

My mom brought love to the household that my father could never bring. She completed the picture making sure everyone had a place.  Now that she’s gone, there really was no place for anyone to fit in simply because our house was no longer a home. The warmth and love was lost when my mother’s presence faded. It was like heartache all over again. It seemed like once Sommer and I finally found a stable home and two very young people that wanted us as their own, was not meant to be. Although, I knew it was meant to be. I knew that my sister and I belonged in their family, but we couldn’t be a family if everyone wasn’t in the picture.

I remember when my mom and dad first took me in.

I walked to the door of Ace’s house, I was sure he wasn’t home. I picked the lock slowly opening the door. I walked into his office and towards the large book case. I slid it over to the left revealing a gold safe. I pressed my ear on the safe and slowly began turning the lock.
I was almost there until i felt a gun poking the back of my head. “Turn around.” a low voice said. I obliged and turned around to face Ace. He hard face dropped into confusion. “You lil ass is stealin’ from me now?” He said furrowing his eyebrows and dropping his gun to his side.
“I need some money man.” I said looking down at my feet. I was gnna use the money to get out of Cali and move somewhere else with my sister. Ace was like a father to me. When it was just me and my sister trying to survive. Two years ago, my mother and father died in a plane crash. My sister Sommer and I have been trying to do everything in our power not to get separated. Thats when i met Ace, he always took car of me, and let me join the gang to make money. Lately the money hasn’t been enough. I felt awful, but I was  in deep shit, Sommer and I both.
“So you steal from me!?” He grabbed the collar of my coat and throwing me up against the book shelf causing the books to fall the floor. “You was like a fuckin’ son to me, I cared about cho punk ass!” He pushed me harder into the shelf. “I took care of yo ass!“
“Im sorry man! Im sorry!” I began to cry. I was hurting. “They trying to separate me and Sommer. They found out man! They found out! She all I got man! She all I got! The only fuckin family I got.” He let me go and he pulled me close. “Ion know what I’m gone do.”
Gabriella walked into the office with a towel and some clothes in her hands. She walked closer to me giving me the towel and clothes. “Call your sister. You guys will stay with us. In the meantime, go take a shower and get comfortable.” She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze. She gave me a soft smile before taking my hand. “Don’t worry. You’re family.”
Ace who was taller than me, looked down at me brushing my head. “I gotchu man. I’m never gone give up you.  You been like a son to me since I first saved you from that gang that nearly beat the shit outta you.. I got chu lil nigga.” He said pushing me playfully out of the office. The smile from his face dropped when he got a text. “Yo, baby get him settled in..I-I uh, I gotta go.” He ran out of the house and sped off in his lambo.

I Just wish he would forgive her. I just wish he would understand why she did what she did. Then again, things were not that simple and love was not that easy. Love wasn’t easy when the other half is already slightly broken. And that’s what my father was after he forced my mom out; he was broken.  Now, all of his time seemed to go into his gang, Last Callous. He himself became callous, which meant ruthless. He didn’t know how or when to differentiate between the drug world and his family. As a result, he decided to choose between the two; he chose his gang.

I never knew he would fade into his darkness completely; seeing as though, family was the most important thing in his life. It and we was all he had. He used to do anything and everything for his family. He once would take a bullet for us and die for us, now I believe he would be the one to make us hold the gun and be rid of his burden.  If he doesn’t let my mom bring light back into his life, I fear he would make me hold the gun sooner than I ever expected. And from that moment on both halfs of me would be gone and I my life would matter only in oblivion.

Authors Note: I’ve decided to bring this story back! The original was starring Bree Westbrooks, but I decided to use someone else. If you guys like the story better starring Bree, let me know and we can vote on which female you guys want. But in the meantime THE LAST CALLOUS IS BACK! And I will also be bringing back Root of Misfortune the greek mythology fanfic staring Chris Brown . So reblog, leave feedback and follow me!