ALL WRESTLE FACT EXCLUSIVE 1/29/16: FINN BÁLOR SHARES BODY WITH A REAL SEX-CRAZED DEMON
Finn Bálor’s sweet demeanor out of the ring and daring persona inside of it have long been a source of mystery in the wrestling community. Now,
Bálor’s secret has been revealed: The Demon is real, and wants him to get some.
The Demon’s origins began with
conducting a summoning ritual in 2014, in the midst of a heated bidding battle for a limited edition Star Wars Lego set on ebay.
“I was desperate,”
explained during a private interview, while slowly pulling his shirt up and maintaining eye contact. “I didn’t know The Demon would want to stick around. Now I can’t even control my body half the time.”
tenderly sucked on his bottom lip, while scooting closer. “This is really embarrassing,” he whispered sensually.
“We’re all very supportive of the whole possessed thing,” Fellow NXT Superstar, Sami Zayn, remarks. “Sometimes we’ll be talking and it’ll be like, hey Finn, what’s up? And he’ll be like, not much, Sami! And I’ll be like, wanna do something later? And he’ll be like, depends. Are you an option?” Zayn laughed awkwardly, rubbing his arm and looking away. “It’s important to be understanding with your friends.”
John Cena expressed similar support backstage at the WWE set. “I actually don’t know what everyone is talking about, honestly. He has the same sense of humor as Randy.” At that moment, Finn
passed by, giving Cena’s ass a hard slap and a light squeeze as he went. Cena laughed, “See, that’s what I’m talking about!”
However, not everyone is as supportive as Zayn describes. WWE’s Stardust, who claims to be an alien from the 5th dimension, thinks his condition deserves the same respect as
Bálor’s. ”Why dOes HE gEt to licK peoPle? @wwebalor” Stardust tweeted angrily, followed by 9 seashell emojis and 1 Santa Claus - the meanings of which are still unknown.
Zack Ryder responded to the tweet a few minutes later: “@Stardustwwe because at least he asks first u freak” to which Stardust responded: “@Zackryder who r u”
says that he is overwhelmed by the overall support he has received while living with The Demon. “Besides,” he says, “the Lego set was 1 of 5 in existence.”
I want to see fucking John and Randy as a tag team. And their theme can be that one mashup on youtube…called You Can’t See the Voices. They come out one episode total HEEL. You know how many times I’d freak out over that?!?!
Can we just talk about the fact that these two were on the same team for survivor series! And not to mention Randy was matching his mate lol I’ve missed seeing these two in the same ring! How about you boys give us a go about of Centon ?!!!
John Cena and Randy Orton doing that thing we love where they are so honest about their disinterest in toxic masculinity bullshit
[Cena’s ability to be straight-fowardly honest and unworriedly vulnerable in the face of someone who is essentially a bully will never cease to amaze (and delight) me
and the calm, steady way Randy simply says things he believes to be true like it’s not that complicated is wonderful (look at him, he wouldn’t even have gone on to explain that fear is nothing to be ashamed of if the audience hadn’t acted like he was shaming Bray)]
But seriously this is the first time ever that Randy and John is on the same Survivor Series team. Like Centon reunites. Like the soulmates. I’m guessing John is jealous that Randy kept teaming up with Shinsake or Randy had enough teaming with Shinsake and saying John needs to bring his ass home.
Whatever the fucking reason is all I know I’m over here like..
Randy Orton has been identified as the source behind a highly controversial Craigslist ad, pictured below.
Several WWE Superstars claim that they have been approached by Randy Orton in the past regarding the JO crystal. After turning down Orton’s offer, they were told: “It’s not homo if you have a crystal, bro.” Orton then winked, every time.
One Superstar, John Cena, reveals that Orton actually gave him a crystal for his birthday this past year. “I thought it was a really thoughtful gift,” Cena remarked, while taking off three of his sweatbands. “I wore it out with Nikki a few times.”
When informed of the nature of the crystal, Cena furrowed his brow and removed six more sweatbands. “I don’t think that’s right. Randy’s one of my best friends - he’d never mean it like that. He probably just didn’t know.”
“I totally meant it like that,” Orton said, half obscured by vape clouds in his private home in Saint Charles, “and I’m getting pretty damn tired of trying to spell it out for him.”