The Signs as Music Hoe Aesthetics
  • Aries:The slight rumbling you feel on the floor when you sit in front of the percussion
  • Taurus:the sound of the orchestra tuning, and you already feel your heart beating faster from a simple concert A
  • Gemini:The low chatter of anticipation from the audience before the performance
  • Cancer:Music torn at the edges with pencil writings scrawled all over the notes, a testament to somebody's time and passion
  • Leo:The feeling of playing a piece memorized; not just thinking about the notes but letting the music and your fingers work their magic
  • Virgo:The bright reflective lights on the keys of woodwinds and brass in the shining concert lights
  • Capricorn:When a person is so into the music that they start to dance and become a fluid structure, free and unbridled and emotional
  • Sagittarius:The feeling you get when you are in concert black with all of your friends, kind of like being a blurry smoke cloud in the night that moves together, breathes together, and performs together
  • Scorpio:when the string players are so into their music that their bow hairs start to fray and unravel and it's a mess of blurry lines moving like liquid silver
  • Libra:the conductor's arms, especially in staccato/scherzo moments, where movement is light and graceful and just there, showing its presence but not forcing it on
  • Aquarius:The adrenaline rush of playing a solo in a piece and the honor of standing up after it ends, where you have those few seconds just for you and only you
  • Pisces:The last note ringing around the air and the heavy, almost tangible silence which occurs for a microsecond afterwards
  • Me playing in an acoustically terrible room:have I always sounded this bad??? Is this real??? Have I only imagined six years of practicing??? Help???? Do I deserve to have this instrument?? Why is my tone so dry and flaky like the bald scalp of an old white man???
  • Me playing in an acoustically excellent room:FUCK YES nobody can stop me now!!1!1 I can play hot cross buns in here and I bet New York Phil would beg me to come be principal. Hear that tone. That smoothness. Smoother than a baby dolphin. I'm unstoppable nobody will notice any of my mistakes time to show off and intimidate the freshman
  • beginning musician:canon in d is such a beautiful song. I love it! :)
  • intermediate musician:canon in d is starting to get boring, tbh.
  • advanced musician:canon in d is the epitome of all that is wrong with classical music, and is the reason that the majority of the population has a disgusting bias against the entire genre. it has such a boring rhythm, is in a boring key, has very little room for interesting variation in dynamics, the cello part for most of the typical arrangements is literally just half notes, LIKE 8 UFCKING HALF NOTES REPEATED OVER AND OVER. CANON IN D CAN GO DIE IN A HOLE. WHY CAN'T WE LISTEN TO SHOSTAKOVICH MORE? BECAUSE WE'RE BUSY LISTENING TO CANON IN FUCKING D. SEE YOU IN HELL, PACHELBEL.
Orchestral Fears

conductor: children in the audience mimicking your movements

violin: uncontrollable envy of Joshua Bell

cello: having to play Pachalbel’s cannon…again

viola: being forgotten

piano: child prodigy 

clarinet: unexpected squeaks

double base: having to play something other then dom dum, dom dum

flute: saliva

timpanist: unpacking/packing up

oboe: reeds

please add your own

{based on this}

What each instrument says the most
  • Oboe:I bought shot-glasses and cigarette paper this weekend.... NO IT'S FOR MY OBOE I SWEAR
  • Flute:Yeah, she said she was going to do the Chaminade too. Looks like we'll have two people playing the concertino for the solo show this year, or there's always murder, you know
  • clarinet:It's my reed. Hold on I'll get another one out... also if another person asks me to play the mozart clarinet concerto i'll slap a bitch
  • Bassoon:could you scoot over a bit? I need more space to lean my bassoon... My posture is just fine, THANKS
  • Saxophone:shit. i still have my neck-strap on don't I?
  • Drums:Is the snare on? GOD, who turned the snare off again?! AND! Where the frickity frack are my sticks?
  • timpani:i gotta tune the timpani. hold on
  • trumpet:i hate partial jumping practice so much
  • trombone:Do you want to hear my gliss?
  • tuba:i literally play four notes the entire piece..,.
  • horn:look i don't know why we stick the hand in the bell. don't ask. it's just how it is
  • cello:yeah my cello cost 13,000 and my bow is custom made, so it's like 6,000 and my new case which is shock absorbent, fireproof and waterproof cost like 7,500
  • viola:I know we're trying to play louder it's the loudest i can get i know i know i'm so sick of pizzicato accompaniment give me a break please
  • violin:um I can't see the concertmaster's bowings from back here... yeah i know i can watch the person in front of me im not stupid it's just...
  • double bass:how the fuck am I supposed to carry this thing through the door? Hey, can you hold it open for me