Catherine de Valois

8

REIGN MEME

2/20 favorite episodes : Liege Lord (1x17)
“I’m going to be Queen of France someday. And I hope to be a good queen. But France has you and your mother to look after her welfare. Scotland only has me. If it ever becomes a choice between our two countries, I will chose mine. In whatever way necessary.”

I am seriously concerned about the casting directors on Reign...

Guys, are they ok? Are they even trying? Do they think we’re stupid? Have they employed a script adviser to check the consistency of what they’re making? If they have, they need to fire them real quick, because whoever they are hasn’t seemed to realise that CATHERINE’S CHILDREN ARE ALL REAPPEARING AS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE who are WAY TOO OLD!

Let’s take a trip down memory lane to the good old days when Reign was kinda alright.

Remember this little guy? This lil’ cutie from Season 1? Lil’ Charles. Just in case this picture doesn’t make it quite QUITE clear that this person is a young CHILD, here’s another one: 

He’s tiny right, I mean Megan Follows is small, and he barely reaches her shoulder. Ok good, we’ve established that Charles in Season 1 was a young child of around eight years old. Good stuff.

Now I know Reign has a habit of stretching, embellishing and basically destroying history. Mary and Francis are supposed to be like 14 at the start, and clearly they’re older, but that’s ok, that’s fine, we’ll roll with it.

 The show begins in 1557:

Nice, some fluffy goats and fluffy clouds just to prove this. I’ve done my research people.

So in real life, ol’ Francie Boi was supposed to die in 1560 after being King for roughly one year

And sure thing, as I said, Reign likes to stretch history like, BEYOND the breaking point. So it’s entirely plausible that on the show Francis was king for a little bit longer, maybe we’ll give him an extra year or two. Which means the next time we see young dude Charlie he’ll have aged… hmmm around five years or so? He’ll be approx 12, right? 

WRONG! What the FuCk ma dudes, this guy right here is NOT CHARKLES I don’t know who he is, but Catherine and the rest of them should all be really concerned, they’ve been hella duped! He’s frickin old enough to fool around with this random chick

He’s aged like 10 years in 5, and NO ONE EVEN NOTICED, not Catherine, not Francis, not Mary, and especially not anyone in the writing or casting department apparently. 

Now let’s move onto Elisabeth, Catherine and Henry’s eldest daughter, dis chick from the pilot

Remember her? The one who married the Spanish dude, and then they had to have sex while a whole lot of old men watched, and Mary and her lil’ sweet naive buddies got all hot and flustered cos they were sneakily watching too? Yeah that one.

As you can see, this woman is clearly a BRUNETTE. Well, apparently Spain has really changed Elisabeth. Like, REEAALLY changed her. So good to see her back in 4x01! She goes by Leesa now, she’s blonde and older and basically looks like a completely different person…

Oh Wait.

I guess Catherine just has so many children she honestly can’t keep track and doesn’t even notice when they return to France looking like they’ve endured intense plastic surgery to reconstruct their faces, or somehow age them enormously.

Catherine has the names of all her children written in her bible, although her youngest son Hercule is missing, but I think the camera has just cut off the bottom of the page.

 At the end of Season 3, Catherine brings back this dude below to lowkey threaten Charles with MUrdEr (the most ooc Catherine has ever been, honestly this show is just…)

Now god knows who this one is, I mean it could be Lil’ Henry making a comeback from Season 1 when he was blonde and cute (see below) and got kidnapped by his insane potato-sack-wearing half sister

If so, he too has had a significant dye job at the castle salon. Except whoever this kid is in Season 3, he can’t be Henry because he’s considerably younger than Charles

I mean, what’s the deal? Charles gets hit by the ageifying-ray gun, but his little bro Henry doesn’t? How is that fair?? They never actually mention him by name, so possibly it is Hercule.

Which would mean that this hunky blonde dude Megan’s been posting on her Instagram and captioning with “My boys”… 

IS HENRY WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS! He looks even older than Charles, I CANNOT BELIEF THIS

This makes absolutely ZERO sense, I do NOT understand. The casting directors and writers of Reign either don’t comprehend human viewer intelligence and the ability to pick up on the ENORMOUS INCONSISTENCIES THEY THROW AT US WITH WORRYING REGULARITY, or they themselves have serious memory issues. Or possibly they just don’t care. I really don’t know.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to watch Reign now is by ignoring these massively aged characters, ignoring the yawn storylines, ignoring when the only original characters we have left suddenly rewrite their whole personalities; I’m looking at you Catherine ‘I would literally die for my children’ de Medici, suddenly going, ‘Oh yeah Charles, I have loooads of other sons, don’t you forget that, I might just kill you to become regent again, k, love you, bye.’

I’ll just focus on the pretty clothes and Megan Follows’ profound talent to somehow make something out of this steaming pile of insanity.

Long story short, the only thing Reign is consistent at, is being inconsistent.

Even so, I’ll watch it every week cos I’m total trash. Rip me.

3

You: Mother, please stop it.

Catherine: Just wait a minute. I just need to put this curl back a little more-

You: I’m sure a suitor won’t mind if there’s one little hair out of place!

Catherine: All I am trying to do is create the best possible future for you.

You: I know and I am grateful.

Catherine: As you should be. Now come on. We wouldn’t want to be late.

7

reign + parks & recreation

i am kind of sad that claude wasn’t around on reign when king henry was still alive, because for some reason i feel very sure that henry would just dote upon her and find her antics completely delightful (a la mona lisa saperstein and her pa on parks & rec), and it would drive catherine 200% – nay, 300% – crazy [x]

Did anyone else burst out laughing when Claude and Charles tries to convince Narcisse to help them revive that noble girl from drug overdose?
— 

This is almost as good as Henry and Catherine trying to cover up the body of a dead girl that Henry accidentally killed while having sex.

This show I swear….

3

“Y/N, you need stop sending notes to my chamber,” Charles said approaching you in the court yard.

“I can’t help it,” You replied smiling.

“I mean it Y/N, stop. I don’t want them anymore,” He firmly said.

You were confused, he didn’t have any problem with it the three other times you sent them. “May I ask why?”

“Trust me, I’m doing both of us a favour,” Charles said giving you one last nod before walking away, stripping away the joyous mood you woke up in.


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reign: charles valois x reader

word count: 498

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2

History meme - Catherine De Medici

Italian-born French queen, regent and mother of three kings of France. She was a powerful influence in 16th century France, particularly during the Wars of Religion.
Caterina Maria Romola di Lorenzo de Medici was born in Florence on 13 April 1519. Her father was Lorenzo de Medici, Duke of Urbino and ruler of Florence and her mother was Madeleine de la Tour d'Auvergne, cousin of Francis I, King of France.
Catherine’s mother died when she was two-weeks-old and her father soon afterwards. In 1533, at the age of 14, Catherine’s uncle Pope Clement VII arranged her marriage to the duke of Orléans, second son of the king of France.
A year after their marriage, the duke began a long affair with Diane de Poitiers. Diane remained a dominant force in his life for the next 25 years, leaving Catherine sidelined. It was not until ten years after their marriage that Catherine gave birth to their first child. This greatly improved the queen’s position and the couple eventually had seven surviving children.
In 1536, the duke of Orléans became heir to the throne. Eleven years later he was crowned Henry II of France. Unfortunately it was to be a short reign as Henry died in a jousting accident in 1559, thrusting Catherine onto the political stage. Their eldest son Francis was proclaimed king, but died after less than a year. Then in 1560, their second son Charles was crowned, aged just ten years old. Catherine acted as regent for the young king and as a result dominated Charles throughout his reign.
She at first adopted a conciliatory policy towards the Huguenots (French Protestants), but in 1562 civil war broke out in France, marking the beginning of the series of conflicts which became known as the French Wars of Religion.
In 1572, in an effort to bring reconciliation, Catherine arranged the marriage of her daughter Marguerite to the Protestant Henry, King of Navarre. During the wedding celebrations in Paris, the Huguenot leader, Coligny, was murdered, as were hundreds of other Protestants who had gathered for the wedding. This became known as the St Bartholomew’s Day Massacre, in which Catherine was probably involved.
Charles IX died in 1574 and Catherine’s favourite son Henry succeeded as Henry III of France. She continued to play a central role in government and made further fruitless attempts to reconcile the opposing sides in the ongoing civil war.
Catherine died on 5 January 1589 and was buried next to her husband in the church of St Denis in Paris.