You’ve lost someone you thought was the love of your life and I know you think it will hurt like this forever, but I promise you it doesn’t. I’m not saying you’ll suddenly wake up one day and it’ll be like it never happened – because it won’t…
There will always be a loss, there’s no if’s or but’s about that. If you lose an amazing person from your life – that leaves a hole in your heart that nobody else can ever fill… You can find happiness, you can find other people and things to fill your heart in other places… but the space that belonged to that person will always be empty. Because human beings are unique and complicated creatures, and when you combine two of them together you get a love that is just as unique and therefore irreplaceable. So don’t try to replace them because you can’t… and get out of the mindset that you’ll never love anybody as much or that no other relationship will compare to what you’ve lost. You don’t love people ‘more’ or ‘less’ than each other – you just love them differently.
The way you love somebody else will be different yes – but it will not be ‘more’ or ‘less’ or ‘better’ or ‘worse’… just different… and that’s okay. You will find love again, but it’s never going to be the same love… and it’s only when you’re able to accept that and open yourself to the idea, that you’re finally ready to move on.
Ranata Suzuki | Don’t say you’ll never love again
Everyone has that one person they can’t quite get over.
You can move forward with your life, you can find happiness elsewhere but every once in a while your mind will always linger back to this person. It just feels… unfinished… like there are things left unsaid.
But the funny thing is, even if you find this person and say all the things you want to… even if you do this time and time again, you will never get rid of that feeling. You will always feel unsettled and uneasy about the way it ended because the truth is it’s not about anything left unsaid or undone… What’s unresolved has nothing to do with words or actions – it’s your feelings. And it doesn’t matter how many times you go back to this person, weather you confront them or write them a letter or call them on the phone to say the things you feel you need to say to get closure… none of it will make a difference because deep down inside, for better or for worse… this person will always have a piece of your heart. Nothing you say or do will ever change that and it’s pointless to try so you may as well accept it.
No matter what you do… it will never be over between you.
The moment you let somebody into your heart you’re taking a risk… Not everybody’s going to hurt you of course but from the moment you begin to care for someone you’re giving them that power and whether or not they use it is completely beyond your control. It’s terrifying I know – but it’s the risk you take when you love somebody. That’s not a negative attitude on life or love – that’s just how it is and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.
When you lose it feels like you always lose… like every relationship ends in tears and that this is just the latest in a long line of risks that didn’t pay off. But there was happiness before it ended – if there wasn’t you wouldn’t be so upset about it, so it’s not really a loss because you had love. Not everything has to go the way you wanted it to for you to have gained something valuable. Trust me, the longer you live the more you’ll realize that life rarely goes the way you want it to… but that doesn’t make it a loss.
It didn’t work out and it hurts I know, but take it from me – you didn’t lose. You had love, you had happiness, you opened your heart and connected with another human being and just because it didn’t last forever doesn’t mean it wasn’t worthwhile. The people who lose are the ones who close their heart or don’t know how to love… The ones who lose are the people who will never have the happiness you’ve had because they live in emotional isolation and will never experience what it’s like to have a connection with somebody…
You may have been hurt, but you were brave enough to open your heart in the first place and one day, when you’re ready, I hope you open it again for somebody else… because the only way you lose is if you don’t…
And I am so tired of answering questions about my career. About the money I’m earning. I was so tired of explaining people about my degree. For once, I honestly want people to ask me how my soul is. How my heart is doing—if it is still beating. I just want a minute and talk about more meaningful things. I was such a deep thinker. I am craving for open mind and honest souls. I was such a lonely wolf wandering on a moonlit world.
Please Give Me a Minute to Forget About Some Things
Loving a strong, independent woman is not for the faint of heart…
You need to be self-assured and confident in your own masculinity because she will not fawn over you to give you constant gratification or cry down the phone to you begging to see you because she misses you… She is not the type to ask for your help or advice on how best to do something, so if you’re in love your own opinions and the sound of your own voice then this isn’t the woman for you.
She is spirited and confident and will embark upon projects and adventures without consulting you; you can either tag along for the ride or not, it makes no difference to her. So if you need to be in control of every decision in a relationship it’s best you call it quits now… She’s not a perfectionist or a control freak, in fact you’ll find her both reasonable and forgiving - but she’s also nobody’s fool so if repeating the same behavior and apologizing every time is the most amount of effort you’re willing to put into the relationship she won’t keep you around very long…
But the joy in loving a strong independent woman is knowing that if she chooses you it’s because she loves you – NOT because she needs you. A woman like that learned to rely on herself and stop needing people a long time ago so if she’s with you it’s because she admires and respects you for who you are as a person and not for what you can offer her. If you’re a man who can truly handle being a woman’s equal… then you just might be man enough for a woman like her….
Breaking happens only after a lot of pressure and endurance. It wouldn’t have been able to take so much if it wasn’t strong.
2. Know that your heart will heal. Have some faith in it. It had so much faith in you all this time even though you didn’t always make the right choices.
3. Time heals everything words cannot. You can read this post and hundred others but what you need is time. It passes, it always does. Remember how the good times passed away?
4. You can’t get over it, you have to get through it. It is a tunnel decorated with pictures of good times that aren’t accessible anymore. Some parts have glass shards and some have wilted flowers. You will hear echoes of laughter and loveable words but they fade away. There isn’t much light but there is light. Once you get through it, you will be able to look back and not bleed. You will be able to carry on and be happy.
5. Take your time with discarding their things. Pictures, letters, texts, gifts. It’s been a year and I still can’t do away with the letters. I don’t read them anymore but I can’t throw them out just yet. And that’s okay.
6. Don’t assume how happy they are or what kind of life it seems like they are living now. Because your Instagram may be filled with happy pictures but is your heart right now? Others are no different. Assuming will only cause you unnecessary pain and comparing will further empty your heart.
7. Your heart doesn’t need any more emptying. It needs to be filled. With your attention and care. Sign up for that yoga class. Go for that open mic. Say yes to sleeping in on Sundays and having full breakfasts.
8. Don’t talk in absolutes. Don’t say you will ‘never’ love again or will ‘never’ meet/trust someone again. Remember when you said your love was ‘forever’? Absolutes are redundant. Stop using them. Stop believing in them. Good and bad comes and goes. It’s a cycle like everything else natural.
9. Don’t bad mouth them or yourself. Don’t obsess over what you said and did and everything they didn’t. Dragging the past into your present is like tying your legs to a rock. How can you walk ahead?
10. Don’t be in a rush to forgive them. It’s okay if you aren’t ready. True forgiveness takes time. And it’s only true forgiveness that lets you genuinely move on and get out of the tunnel. Wanting to and actually being able to are two very different things.
11. Breathe. Your lungs are functioning even though your heart may make it seem like nothing is. Run if you have to. Your legs are functioning too. Cry as much. Your cheeks and eyes won’t hate you.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear; If you decide to love me and you want us to be together I have to be your number one priority.
If I feel like I can’t rely on you, or if I think other people are more important to you than I am - I’m gone.
I’m not being a ‘princess’… I’m not demanding to be doted on and fussed over - all I’m asking for is the same level of love and commitment that I’d give to you.
Because when I love - I love hard. With me it’s 100% all the way…. You’re my one, my everything, my be-all and end-all… If you’re lucky enough to be the guy I love the sun pretty much rises and sets because of you.
But I’m not putting my heart on the line if you’re not going to give me everything you’ve got…. it’s as simple as that.
I promise you I’m worth it - but you have to choose me and only me…. Otherwise, you’ll lose me.
She’s not the type of girl you’re used to… and you’re not quite sure if you like it or not. She’s not easy to get to know. She’s guarded and closed off… anything even slightly personal is harder to get to than Fort Knox. With her – it’s always one step forwards and two steps back and it’s SO frustrating… But you think maybe you kind of like it… because when you see those little glimpses of her you know you’re probably the only person who ever has.
She can’t be charmed… she’s not that type of girl. She manages to twist your compliments into insults or downplay them into jokes, and again… it’s so frustrating!!! Why can’t she believe that you like her!? Why can’t she just accept that she’s beautiful?
She can’t be bought because again… she’s not that type of girl. Jewelry, flowers, gifts… none of it interests her and she gets angry if you try it. She seems to think it’s effortless, and to her credit she’s kind of right… you’re simply repeating the same rehearsed steps to try and make her like you that you did with every other girl… and it won’t work… because she’s not like other girls.
She’s demure yet provocative… She runs hot and cold… She’s self-conscious, but also self-assured… In fact, she’s just about every contradiction you can possibly think of and yet you’re somehow addicted to this roller coaster ride because you know that even when she’s being the complete opposite of herself she’s still the most ‘real’ woman you think you’ve ever met and you just want to get to know her more. You want to see all of her… get inside her mind… know everything there is to know about her…
But she won’t let you. She’s not that type of girl.
And when the day comes to let her go and kiss her goodbye forever, you can tell she wants to cry… But she won’t… because she’s not that type of girl. She never was. She never will be…
And that’s exactly what you loved about her most.
Please don’t worry about me.
I’m just a little tired from being strong all the time…. Between dealing with all my own problems, pretending everything’s fine and helping other people with their problems – I sometimes feel like I have no energy left.
Sometimes I imagine what it would feel like to be taken care of… for someone to wrap me up in a blanket, hold me while I cry and tell me that they love me and that everything will be alright. But for some reason, whenever anyone asks me if I’m okay – I always say I’m fine!?
I think deep down I’m afraid…. Afraid that if I reach out for help, I might be let down… or afraid that if open up, all the pain I’ve been holding inside will come flooding out and I won’t be able to stop it.
I think that’s possibly the biggest paradox of having strength… that sometimes you spend so much of your energy being strong for yourself and others that it ultimately weakens you to the point where you feel you have nothing left to give… That’s how I’m feeling right now – but give me time and I know I’ll be okay.
I’ll push through like I always do… because I’m strong….
and I don’t know how to be any other way.
Eventually, you will leave me. And I am aware of that. I know there’s a possibility that I will wake up one morning without any trace of you on my bed. I will no longer feel your chest, your skin, and your warmth. I know there’s a possibility that I will cease to hear your voice over the phone again, your stories and even your whispers at night. I know there’s a possibility that one of these days you will get tired of holding my hand, kissing my cheeks, understanding my mood and wiping all of my tears away. I know there’s a possibility that one of these days I will start counting my years again because you will fade slowly. I know, there’s a possibility that the smile I gave to you will disappear and be replaced with a new one. All of these things might happen - maybe tomorrow, the next day or even next week. I am aware of that. But before the skies take me away from you, let me say that I’m grateful I have met someone like you. I’m glad that all of these things happened in my life.