Tumblr’s starting to develop this really disturbing habit of calling anyone who screws up in an interpersonal relationship “abusive.”

Which. No. No, guys, that word means something very important, especially in the context of friends, lovers, and family. It describes deliberate actions taken to control the behavior of another, not the occasional emotional screw-up or unconscious personality flaw.

Please stop using it to mean, “character who did things I disagree with.” That’s bad of you.

A Night Vale Alphabet

Best if read in the voice of Cecil Palmer (Beware of spoilers)

A’s for the Tracker (Apache, he said)

Not quite as embarrassing now that he’s dead.

B’s for Big Rico, best under the sun.

No one does pizza like Rico, NO ONE.

C’s for the council, with crowns of soft meat.

They’re off on a clearly pre-scheduled retreat.

D is for Dana, or maybe her twin.

It’s hard to say which of them managed to win.

E is for Emmett, or Ernest some claim.

It’s hard to remember him, even his name.

F is the Faceless Old Woman who roams

Unseen just behind you. She lives in your home.

G IS THE GLOW CLOUD, BENEATH WHOM WE FLAIL.
“ALL GLORY” WE CRY UNTO IT, “ALL HAIL.”

H is for Hiram and all of his heads,

A literal dragon who ran from the feds.

I’s for the Interns who’ve come and who’ve gone.

We send our condolences, then we move on.

J is John Peters (The farmer. You know.)

Folks love the invisible corn that he grows.

K is for Kevin who worked here a while.

Beware of the lies hiding under his smile.

L can be found on the edge of the town

It’s old Larry Leroy. He’s always around.

M is for Marcus, the town’s richest man.

I’d tell you what happened, but I don’t think I can.

N is for Nazr, the school’s football coach.

His tongue’s pretty creepy. I wouldn’t approach.

O’s Old Woman Josie, whom we dearly missed,

Surrounded by friends who do not exist.

P is for Pamela, mayor no more,

A press conference chief with surprises in store.

Q is a question you never will voice.

No “shouldn’t” about it. You don’t have a choice.

R is for Roger, who paid with a spine.

It bought him a condo and terror sublime.

S is for Steve. I’ll try not to rant.

He once saved my life by- No, sorry. I can’t.

T’s for Tamika, that lover of books.

She’s already found, so don’t bother to look.

U’s for the people just under lane five.

They’ll only rest when we’re no longer alive.

V is the vague yet menacing team

That works for the government. So it would seem.

W is for worms…(ellipsis, no caps)

If you can’t find your dog, it’s the pellet that yaps.

X has been cancelled, we’re sorry to say.

There’s nothing to see here, so be on your way.

Y is for you, it just so turns out.

You’re sometimes the one that the story’s about.

Z is the sound once you’ve turned out the light,

So Carlos and I wish you all a good night.

I like to think that Carlos wasn’t turning Cecil down before they got together, so much as he just was so absorbed with science that he didn’t realize what was happening. 

For example: 

Carlos: Cecil, you need to tell everyone that the trees will eat people!

Cecil: Neat! I’ll broadcast it. Also, wanna get dinner/coffee/go make out?

Carlos: *looks at science notes confused* No, no, I can’t. I need to figure this out.

Then hours later, he lays down in bed and closes his eyes and replays the day’s events in his head and comes to the horrible realization that he accidentally turned down the guy he liked and just goes “…fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck”.