Cargo-Short

anonymous asked:

How would the gang dress in modern time?

Oh fuck I gotta think

Darry— same work attire, loose blue jeans and plain tees, work boots, henleys
Steve— loose ripped dark blue jeans, Abercrombie, timberlands, forest green, snapbacks,
Soda— joggers everywhere, hoodies, nikes, North Face windbreakers, typical fuckboy attire
Pony— beanies even after 2013, awkward skinny jeans but not actually skinny jeans, graphic tees, zip-ups, H&M
Johnny— joggers, black jeans, Vans, also H&M
Dallas— all these little blog hoes need to stop saying ya boy would be an emo little rat like he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing skinny jeans after 2011 ok
Two-Bit— fucking hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts every day, nasty lil colorful nikes, the stupidest graphic tee shirts,

anonymous asked:

all white trans guys just look like uglier butches trying really hard with unfitting cargo shorts

listen i’m always down for some fun self-deprecation but dude this is too far.

i love how in jurassic park the woman has a phd and cargo shorts is out there solving problems and digging her hands in dinosaur poop for science 

but they still had to have a token sexy character so, instead of the usual screaming blonde with a torn shirt and tight shorts, we have him

the chaos “rock star” scientist who got a tiny bit bloody so he had to open his shirt all the way and rest his injured body in this very practical position

YOU GUYYYSSSS I HAVE THE PERFECT PLAN

Context: This is going viral:

YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN RIGHT

THERE IS NO XF WRITERS’ ROOM, NONE OF THEM KNOW WHAT ANY OF THE OTHER ONES ARE WRITING

YOU SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS YES

Does anyone really know what those two writers’ assistants look like???

HERE’S HOW IT’S GOING DOWN

1. Agree on a fanfic. (This is going to be the hard part.)

2. Get the script to David and Gillian. You guys, they don’t know what’s going on half the time anyway. And they will be so happy to have dialogue that makes sense.

3. Find a trustworthy man to direct. @h0ldthiscat​ suggests Matthew Rhys in a mustache. (kcat: “He would be like ‘I’ve totally directed for this show before!’ And Gillian would be like 'oh yeah, I remember you!'” FOOLPROOF)

4. Distract Chris Carter during the week one of his episodes is supposed to shoot. I recommend luring him through the woods to a magical surfing beach a la Nimue in Camelot. Please do not drown him. We don’t do that. Show him a nice time.

5. Get to work with David, Gillian, the script, and “Todd Johnson” or whatever name we select. No one’s gonna remember.

6. Once it’s in the can, get it to Fox before anyone is the wiser. We can always shuffle all the episodes around to cover our tracks. It’s going to make about the same amount of sense regardless. 

7. It airs! Mulder and Scully make out a lot and have emotionally fulfilling interactions, domestic sweetness and affectionate familiarity, a plot that involves them as people and is therefore engaging to the audience, subtle but beautiful angst courtesy of Matthew “The Americans” Rhys aka Todd Johnson, and a satisfying ending. David and Gillian never know that anything went awry but they may have the vaguely pleasant sense that their characters got some emotional closure. Glen Morgan is a little suspicious. Chris Carter blithely takes credit for the episode which is obviously a huge hit. Anne Simon cheers him on. People like The X-Files again and Fox makes money. Todd Johnson has a flourishing second career directing television in a mustache. Everyone is happy. Myassbrokethefall is released from her two-plus decades of torment and becomes a goat farmer in the Faroe Islands. 

THE END

Cishet boys in cargo shorts: ugly. Unoriginal. Boring. Ugly again. At least put like rhinestones on them or something I’m so bored

Wlw in cargo shorts: serving lesbian park ranger REALNESS. Beautiful. A comfortable gf

Interesting characters I’ve met at the animal shelter
  • Large, muscular, motorcycle man looking for his tiny Pomeranian. Found, exceedingly fluffy.
  • Suit-and-tie dad who drove up in a shiny car with fancy rims, looking for his tiny black pug. Found, pug named Goliath.
  • Woman came in looking for a cat. Asked what it looked like, she said, “Her name is Luna.” Does she have a collar? “I don’t know.” Long or short hair? “I don’t know.” How long has she been missing? “I’m not sure.” Do you know what she looks like? “Her name is Luna…” Turns out it was her son’s cat, and he was out of town. She thought it might have been a little brown cat. She knew it had a microchip, so I went and dug through the books until I found one we’d passed no less than 3 times. It had a note on the paperwork that the mother would be coming in to pick up the cat, yet she failed to mention that to us. The cat was grey calico, btw. Also, the cat’s name was Liberty.
  • Animal Control Officer who stops by at least once a week to pet the bunnies.
  • Latina lady who brought us the corn snake her son had left her when he moved. She tried to act sad about surrendering it, but failed miserably.
  • Gay Deaf couple looking for their cat. Found one they thought might be theirs. Argued for several minutes about whether their cat was a fixed male or a female. Conclusion: it was fixed male, and it was, in fact, their cat.
  • Small, stocky white dad in cargo shorts, tall, heavily pregnant but otherwise slender black mom in a fancy sun dress, 6 hyperactive biracial children. They came in to find their lost dog, almost left with their dog and 3 rabbits. Dad convinced them the dog would eat the rabbits if they got them. The dog, for her part, was a tubby, ancient thing who couldn’t catch a rabbit if she tried. Mom and I had a good conversation about how rats are actually really clean and very loving. She looked like she didn’t believe me.
  • Two late-teenage girls looking for their puggle. Found, named Chewie. When they spotted him, he started making this weird screaming noise and they copied him enthusiastically.
  • Tiny lady animal control officer who scares the pants off one of one of our guys. She threatens to snap him in half (jokingly), and despite the fact that she’s shorter than him (and he’s not very tall, himself), and he also routinely lifts several hundred pounds of food and kitty litter, he actually believes her.
  • Tall skinny animal control officer man who once accidentally stepped on the foot of a front-desk worker’s dog, and the dog never forgot. ACO routinely works to secure aggressive animals but is terrified of Zuko (the dog), because Zuko remembers him and hates his guts. Zuko also happens to be tiny and slightly overweight, and has never bit any living thing in his life.
  • Little old lady was looking to adopt a cat. Left with a giant hound dog instead.

I’m sure I’ll get more as time goes on, but these are the ones that made me chuckle so far.

Okay but seriously

It’s been wonderful seeing all the Dad!Gabriel and Dad!Jack ideas going around for when Jesse first joins Blackwatch, but y’all are missing the PRIMEST OF PRIME opportunities here:

Jesse with not one BUT TWO Commander Dads with bad puns, dad jokes, and a whole slew of embarrassing ideas.

Like

Gabriel basically rescues and adopts Jesse from Deadlock

Jack: …well. This is it, Jack.
Jack: you’re a dad now.
Jack: time to be a loving and supporting partner to your husband in this endeavor, and a responsible and warmhearted role model to this poor kid who has had so much go wrong in his young life.
Jack: …
Jack: guess I gotta learn how to golf now.  
Jack: …
Jack: and also buy all my clothes from Costco.                      



Five minutes later

Gabriel: …what the actual fuck are you wearing
*Jack in Hawaiian button up, cargo shorts, socks and sandals*
Jack: …
Jack: we’re dads now, Gabe.
Gabriel: …
Gabriel: shit you’re right

Five minutes later

Jesse comes outside into the break area of the Watchpoint.

Jesse: hey, y'all seen my hat anywhere? I think Fareeha hid it - CHICKEN ON A DONKEY WHAT THE FUCK
*Jack and Gabe practicing really bad golf swings in Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, and socks and sandals*
Jack: hello, kiddo
Gabe: sup, chico
Jesse: …
Jesse: Hey uh
Jesse: can I choose to go to jail instead      


                  
Twenty minutes later

Ana: I should have expected this from you, Jack
Ana: but you too, Gabriel?? I expected better from you
Torbjörn: …you expected better from Gabriel “I wear my beanie in New Mexico” Reyes?
Gabriel: I detect some sarcasm there
Jack: Ana…Ana, don’t you see?
Ana: ??
Jack: we have a TEENAGER living in the base with us
Ana: …
Torbjörn: …
Reinhardt: …team, we know what we must do

Five minutes later

Jesse: still can’t find my hat - CHEESE WHIZ ON A CRACKER WHAT
*Entire Strike team in Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, socks and sandals*
Jesse: …
Jack: …we’re all dads now



Twenty years later

In the theater on the Hollywood map

Jesse: …
Shiver Reaper: …
Golden 76: …
Shiver Reaper: hey, chico
Golden 76: how ya doin’, kid?
Jesse: …
Hanzo: …do you know these people, Jesse?
Jesse: …nah
Lúcio: introduce us to your friends!
Jesse: …extra hell nah
Golden 76: hey Jesse
Golden 76: watch this!
*Golden 76 starts doing push ups*
Hanzo: …
Lúcio: …
Sombra: …
Jesse: how.  why.
Shiver Reaper: …like you’re one to talk
Shiver Reaper: you look ridiculous
Jesse: …
*flashbacks to late adolescent and young adult years of his foster fathers in bad polo shirts and ugly plaid pants and Daredevil 76 and Pumpkin Reaper*
Jesse: …I CANNOT BELIEVE
*Jesse McCree has left the game.*
Shiver Reaper: …
Golden 76: …
*Reaper and Soldier: 76 high-five*
Golden 76: We still got it.



(I cannot believe I have to add this but do not tag this as mc*/reyes//76 or any variation thereof)

I’m forming a squad, who else is down to wear trenchcoats and cargo shorts  with sandwich bags sewed all over the inside and then liberate the Walmart bettas by pouring them into our many pockets and escaping the store undetected as human aquariums

liberated bettas will be sewn their own cargo shorts and given appropriate training so the cycle can continue

hopeless records is like that guy who is really sweet and always makes you feel important and makes sure your needs are met and brings you lunch out of the blue sometimes cutting the bread crust off for you and maybe he wears socks with his sandals but it’s alright because he can pull them off

while fueled by ramen is that guy in the back of the club wearing a fedora hat and sunglasses inside because he’s #broody, smoking inside while blowing it in your face, wearing cargo shorts, smelling like cigarillos asking you for your number and then calling you a tease when you don’t give it to him

a small family of criminals in their early days before their demolition man, golden boy, or jack of all trades