Cons of playing the bassoon:

  • you can’t march with it
  • it’s too heavy to carry around regularly
  • neck straps are impossible
  • it bonks you in the head sometimes
  • reeds are expensive
  • trying to get it on/off the bus is ridiculous
  • it takes forever to take out/put away so you’re always late
  • trying to find a good solo is like trying to find Waldo at a candy cane convention
  • when you finally find a good reed, it chips after playing on it like twice
  • trying to make your own reeds -_-
  • everybody calls it an oboe
  • ohmygod they’re so expensive why
  • nobody else plays the bassoon
  • like nobody
  • it’s so lonely

Pros of playing the bassoon:

  • it kinda sounds like a cruise ship and a duck discussing politics
  • you can use your reed as a noise maker at parties (except you don’t go to parties because your bassoon is your only friend)
  • you always play 1st chair because yOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONLY BASSOON PLAYER IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL
  • you can hide behind it when the band director’s yelling at other sections