Ok so I have to order my new license plates like this week and I’m getting custom ones but I need ideas on what to put on them. Remember I’m a Californian so we get seven spaces on the plates. Thanks!!!

It’s finally happened!

Those Californian weirdos have finally delivered on their stinkin’ merch. This package has been in the making for, seriously, months. The respectable folks over at Discontinuous Innovation Inc. have talked about sending me some complimentary goodies since back in March, during their Stucko/Toyota tour. And John Lizard, shit, that skeevy bastard (his words not mine okay I’d never call someone a skeevy bastard behind their back) said that he’d send me a copy of Acrylics’ self-titled tape ever since I uploaded it, and that was in February. He didn’t send me the tape.

But hey, with the help of D.I. Inc., he actually got around to sending merch–albeit, with the Acrylics self-titled tape being the one I actually paid money for from D.I. Inc.–and I’m super thankful. It was sent alongside some some stuff from my pals over at D.I. Inc., including the Houston and The Problems tape that sold out while I was waiting to see if they’d send me one. And, of course, being the ironic sacks of shit pioneering entrepreneurs that they are, they sent it along with some random garbage Discontinuous Innovation-branded souvenirs, including a clock that probably doesn’t work, a VHS tape of who-knows-what, a Burger King crown, Toyota-brand Ibuprofen (yes, there’s still some capsules in there), something in a silver pouch that I’m afraid to open (tea?), and approximately 50 cents-worth of change in pennies. Oh, and there’s some tapes, shirts, buttons, and nice letters in there (there’s the fabled live Toyota tape!), but eh, that’s not as impressive. 

So, yeah, I’m feeling pretty happy right now. It was like a shitty Christmas, complete with gifts that I’ll never make use out of. The clock is even rusted, dude, was it worth the extra postage? Anyways, thank you so very much, boys! As of today, I’m officially D.I. Inc’s Senior Director of Public Relations. That’s infinitely times more prestigious than my CEO position at Jimmy Enterprises; my company doesn’t even have any child workers.




Just hours after a 5.9 magnitude quake hit Washington D.C., San Francisco weather guy Sal Castaneda tweeted, “Hey east coasters: welcome to our world and what we live with everyday in California. Stay Safe.” Hey, Californians: Shut up and let us wallow in our abject terror.

Californians can’t get enough of snickering at how quaintly hysterical we East Coasters became after our earthquake today. A report from a waiting room in Santa Barbara, via Twitter: “CNN is on going on and on about the east coast earthquake. People here are laughing.” LA Weekly wrote of the quake, wrote, “Even by L.A. terms 5.9 is a rocker.” Even by L.A. terms—because, you know, Southern California invented earthquakes.