Calamity Trigger

Devil Side-Chapter 8

Summary: Bucky POV Directly after the confrontation in the briefing room

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of a panic attack, Mentions of death, Emotional affairs, Angst, general calamity and triggering content. 

Word Count: 1064

A/N: You asked for it, Please Note, I will only post again on Monday. Happy reading!

Bucky POV:

Don’t hyperventilate. Keep walking, he repeats over and over in his head as he gets further away from you. There’s sweat dripping into his eyes, hot droplets rolling into his shirt making it stick uncomfortably to his skin. His body hair is standing on end like a soldier at attention as he takes long purposeful strides down the corridor to his room.

Reyna wasn’t due back from her daycare for another hour, long enough to compose himself, get the scent of your perfume out of his nostrils. Maybe long enough to forget the indifference he saw on your face like being back was no hardship for you, like the separation didn’t feel like an arm had been cut off, or your heart cut out.

He rips the bedroom door open, falling short of yanking it off its hinges and shuts it loudly behind him. Leaning against it, sucking in lungfuls of air like he had been holding his breath, he tries to calm his racing heart, currently threatening to burst out of his chest.

Panic. Complete, debilitating terror was taking over.

His vision whites out at the edges, his fingers digging painfully into his thighs, perspiration drenching him in seconds. His breathing increases rapidly. Gasping like a dying man desperately clinging to life, he does the only thing he can. He blindly stumbles in the general direction of his dresser, fumbling clumsily with the drawers while frantically searching for the only thing that could calm him, the only thing he would allow to calm him.

His fingers finally touch the soft material and he exhales, pulling the garment free, bringing it to his face, inhaling the fading scent deeply. The soft whisper of the material against his stubble pulls a sigh from him. It was the only thing he had left, a light blue sweater which had seen better days and a handful of bittersweet memories which seemed to creep up on him at the most inopportune times.

He inhales again and stumbles backwards to sit on his hastily made bed, cracking his eyes open and catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

Fuck. I look like death, he thinks sourly to himself, noting his pale clammy skin and the bags under his eyes with a hint of disgust. He needed to get a handle on this and quickly. If he was going to be on the same team as you, he couldn’t descend into a panicky mess every time he had an interaction with you. He needed to man up and focus on what was important.

Reyna. The light of his life, the only good thing to come out of this mess, the only person who offered him hope, who kept him grounded. She needed him, depended on him and he would gouge out his eyes with a rusty spoon before he let her down. She deserved better.

He exhales loudly, running his hand through his sweaty hair. So much had happened in the last two years, so much pain. He had fought so hard to give her a halfway normal life, to be the father she deserved but fuck was he tired. The kind of exhausted that makes you feel like you have lead in your bones, like every step had you wading through quicksand, a constant uphill battle.

He felt like Sisyphus, pushing the boulder up the hill every day only to watch it come tumbling down again. Two years he had struggled to get back up again, and it was all falling down around him. The sense of peace he had worked so hard to build for himself and his daughter was crashing down. He had nearly convinced himself that the last couple of years hadn’t happen, that it was all something his addled brain had cooked up, a terrible nightmare doused in your tears and Ivanna’s screams.

Ivanna. The familiar ball of resentment flares in his chest, the torment she had inflicted upon him as fresh as the day she died. The hell that was their relationship was over, but it remained ever present in his heart, scarring his mind beyond what he thought it could be.

She had been a fraud, a liar. She’d sucked the life right out of him and left him a shriveled husk.

Don’t think about it, he chastises himself, shaking his head from side to side, trying to dislodge the melancholy which had suddenly descended on him.

Throwing the sweater over a chair, he vowed to do the right thing and keep things professional, no matter how intensely happy he felt in your presence again. The memories of his betrayal still burned brightly in your eyes. He could see it in the way you stiffened when his fingers twitched, your entire body ready to spring if he moved wrong. The hot anger that laced your tone as you spat Ivanna’s name, demanding to not be around her. The worst was the look on your face when he mentioned Reyna, the mask of indifference had slipped for a second, and he could see the naked pain that lurked beneath the surface, the terrible longing you held.

It shattered him on the spot, regret and hate for himself had filled his very soul. He had wanted nothing more than to pull you into is arms, promise that it would all be okay, that you didn’t have to hurt anymore, but before he could act the mask had reappeared, cutting you off from him. Your walls could withstand the longest of sieges, and there was no way he was breaking them down. He didn’t know if he should even try.

That was entire different can of worms he was apprehensive about opening.

Because Bucky Barnes, fearsome Winter Soldier, master of three am diaper changes and baby feedings was still, undeniably, ass over teakettle for you.

He grits his teeth in frustration, shedding his sweaty shirt and shoes as he enters the bathroom. His pants soon follow, and he steps under the scalding spray of the shower.

Focus on what’s important, Barnes, he reminds himself. Focus on Reyna.

He repeats his daughters name in his head, over and over, salty tears mingling with water, his body relaxing as he permits himself to cry. For you, for Ivanna, and maybe, just a little, for himself and the life he was certain he could never have.

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Fellow butch lesbians, toms, and other wlw:

Calamity Jane is not good representation, and she is not a role model. The movie/play (I only saw the play) is extremely racist (it’s about the old west and the white characters frequently use derogatory words for Native Americans and brag about murdering them), and at the end, Calamity (the main character who wore mens clothes) and the actress both end up marrying men, and Calamity wears dresses and lets her hair down and everyone gushes about how beautiful she suddenly is. The play I saw literally ended with a double wedding where the actress and Calamity (decked in a wedding gown) married their husbands and that was supposed to be the happily ever after.

Watching the play was like a punch in the gut, over and over. Especially butches/toms (and especially native Americans holy shit), Calamity Jane is a triggering nightmare.

Don’t watch it. Don’t support it. If you talk about it, talk about why it’s bad, please.

Fighting Game Tier List

The Legends (S): Street Fighter 3: Third Strike, Marvel Vs. Capcom 2, Saltybet

The Classics (A+): Street Fighter 2, King of Fighters, Tekken, Guilty Gear Accent Core, Mortal Kombat 1-3, Capcom Vs. SNK

The “This Game Won’t Die Until the Sequels” (A): Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3, Ultra Street Fighter 4, Blazblue Calamity Trigger + Continuum Shift, Killer Instinct, Guilty Gear Xrd

The Crowd Hypers (B): Super Smash Bros Melee + 4, Dead or Alive 5, Tekken Tag 1 and 2, Soul Calibur 2 + 3, Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, Blazblue Chronophantasma, MUGEN

The Not Out Yet But Showing Good Promise (B-): Street Fighter 5, Rising Thunder, Tekken X Street Fighter, Pokken

The Hidden Gems ( C ): Darkstalkers, Skullgirls, Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom, Virtua Fighter, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, Marvel Super Heroes, Under Night In-Birth, Yatagarasu, Rival Schools, Super Smash Bros

The Forgotten (C-) Bloody Roar 2, Battle Fantasia, Rakuga Kids, Ding Dong Never Die, That One Freeware Pokemon Fighter, Terrordrome

The Animes (D+): Melty Blood, Touhou Fighters, Ougon Musou Kyoku Cross, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: All Star Battle, Any Shounen Jump Fighting Game

“Those” Animes (D): Arcana Heart, Dengeki Bunko Fighting Climax, Aquapazza, Nitro Royal, Dead Or Alive if you choose to go there, Rumble Roses

Mistakes (D-): Street Fighter X Tekken, Beast’s Fury, Bloody Roar 1 + 3 + 4, Soul Calibur 4 + 5,  Mortal Kombat 4 - 8, Blazblue Chronophantasma Extend, Blazblue Central Fiction, Super Smash Bros Brawl, Clayfighter

In Another Realm (E): Mortal Combat 9 + X, Injustice, Playstation All-Stars Battle Royal, Balls 3-D

Memories of our annual nine weeks of portable fans and Mountain Dew-fueled rampages swirl together. Those summer video game binges are something to cherish, all right. A playlist for scorching summer days and nights spent inside with a controller in hand.

1. Main Theme (Festival) /// Fire Emblem Awakening 2. Route 19 (Spring ~ Summer) /// Pokemon Black 2 and White 2 3. Mimiga Town /// Cave Story 4. Sweeping Seashore /// NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams 5. Lazy Afternoons /// Kingdom Hearts 2 6. Delfino Plaza (Brawl Ver.) /// Super Mario Sunshine 7. Guardia’s Millennial Fair /// Chrono Trigger 8. Oldies but Happies /// Jet Set Radio Future 9. Catus Carnival ~ Taokaka’s Theme /// BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger 10. Juice Archipelago /// Sonic Lost World 11. Changing Seasons /// Persona 3 12. Beautiful Days [Piano Arrange] /// DanganRonpa 2: Goodbye Despair 13. Futatsuiwa from Sado /// Touhou 13.5: Hopeless Masquerade 14. One Sunny Day When We Met /// Chrono Trigger 15. Deep Sea /// MapleStory 16. Seaside Hill Zone (Modern) /// Sonic Generations (Console) 17. Splattack! /// Splatoon LISTEN

Arc System Works posted the first proper trailer for the console version of BLAZBLUE: CENTRALFICTION, which is set to be the last installment of the story that started back in 2008 with “Calamity Trigger”, and to suit the occasion, we have KOTOKO back to sing the opening theme of the console version of the game, “TRUE-BLUE”, as she did Calamity Trigger’s opening song, “Ao-iconoclast ”. Hard to believe the story is ending with this, but it’s been a great ride, and this is set to be the largest story mode in the history of the series at 40+ hours worth of content. But, the bonus is also that Es from the X-Blaze visual novels will also be in here as a playable character, though to what extent she’s involved in the wrapping up of the main story remains to be seen.

10

So…my last soundtrack recommendation post was in October last year, and I thought I’d update it with some more soundtracks that I really love; and this time, with pictures! Obviously I can only recommend the ones that I own and have listened to, so heres 10 of my favourites (some of them were on the previous list, but it was a pretty short list);

  1. Bioshock Infinite
  2. Bravely Default
  3. Contrast
  4. Kill la Kill
  5. Mass Effect 3
  6. Remember Me
  7. Silent Hill
  8. Skullgirls
  9. Starbound
  10. Transistor

I cut Blazblue: Calamity Trigger from the list, but it’s not a bad one either if you’re into a primarily rock/metal soundtrack. Anyway, hope some of you check these out!

Aksys Games put out a few tweets yesterday that confirmed what I’d been dreading more with each passing month of silence—that BlazBlue Central Fiction would not be receiving an English dub, and would go to market in the U.S. sub-only:
“@aksysgames Basically boiled down to- game now w/ no dub. Game 6-8 months later w/ dub. We made a tough decision, but stick by it.”
“@aksysgames For clarification- We’re doing one release this Nov, not multiple for BBCF, no dub. No plans for a dub release or DLC atm.”
I’m disappointed by the news—and I’m especially disappointed to be getting it via tweet. Reaching out to the cast would have been a simple enough courtesy for Aksys to extend. Maybe they think we don’t much care either way, but many of us do. I know I do.
I’ve been Ragna from Calamity Trigger onward. I served as script-adapter and VO director on Continuum Shift Extend. When BlazBlue: Alter Memory got licensed for a U.S. release, I coordinated with Funimation to adapt and direct it out in Los Angeles, so that we could retain practically the entire cast and give longtime fans of the series a dub with the voices they’ve known all along. Granted, my experience with BlazBlue might be a bit more “behind the scenes” than most—but at the end of the day, I’m a fan, too.
Optimists are making a lot out of that “at the moment” distinction in Aksys’s second tweet, hanging their hopes on a dubbed release or at least English dialogue DLC down the line. Sadly, I am not. Aksys has literally nothing to gain by saying, “Nope, it’s never gonna happen,” except inviting a lot of disappointment and ill-will upon themselves in a moment when some folks are already fairly salty—even if they know it to ultimately be the truth. “No plans for a dub release or DLC atm” is the easy let-down, wherein everybody loses hope at their own staggered, gradual pace—or, ideally, just forgets about it with the passage of time.
If the sub-only BBCF sells well in America, it’ll be seen as proof that an English dub isn’t essential—that it’s an expensive frippery, as it were, and that they were right to release a pared-down version. At that point, why commit funds to a dub after the fact when they’ve already got your cash in hand? And if BBCF doesn’t sell well, no one’s going to want to throw good money after bad by dubbing something that under-performed in its initial U.S. release.
All this said, I’m not working with any privileged information here. If Aksys approaches us to dub Central Fiction later on, I will happily eat crow—and do it publicly, when we’re cleared to discuss the dub. But as of right now, faced with a reality I’d never thought to consider—that after the release of a multitude of dual-language BlazBlue titles from 2008 onward, they’re just nixing the English voices altogether—they’re not giving me much reason to hold my breath.
Some fans just play BlazBlue to whup ass, and that’s fine. But for a lot of folks, the story mode—which has just grown richer with each iteration—is a major draw. The mythos and the relationships between characters have been fleshed out in loving detail, and many among you would rather hear those thousands upon thousands of lines being acted out in English than have to read them.
And what a cast we’ve had…! I think our BB English cast is one of the best fighting-game ensembles in the genre, frankly. I’m not saying that as a self-aggrandizing actor, or as one who’s bummed over the loss of a paycheck. I’m saying that as someone who, like you, has spent the last eight years with these characters—cheering their victories, mourning their losses, and understanding the world of BlazBlue more (or sometimes less!) with each new revelation.
TL;DR version: BlazBlue Central Fiction isn’t getting dubbed. I’m sad about it, irate about how impersonally I found out, and not putting any particular stock in a dub happening after-the-fact (though I’d love to be wrong on that front).
After all this time, it hurts to be told that we’re not so central to the fiction after all.
—  Patrick Seitz, formerly the English voice of Ragna the Bloodedge.