CRAP-BAG

And this is my husband. Crap bag.

1. True story when Aubree was like 2 years old she would wake up in the mornings and walk around the house filling up little plastic bags with all sorts of random shit and then sit on the couch and play with her bag of crap for hours. This led to me calling her crap bag but not in the sense that she was crap just because Paul Rudd and Friends and everything in my life is alliteration. Princess Consuela banana hammock. 

2. Today I’m going to do my eye makeup like cat woman and then wear my Batman Blackmilk leggings and doc martens while I run errands and I don’t give a shit who looks at me because honey have you seen me? Oh you have. Okay. Well I’m still gonna do it. Long sex hair, don’t care. If you’re lucky, I won’t post a picture. 

3. I’m canceling my cable today because they raised my rate to $150 and for that much a month I can basically pay Castiel and Dean to perform in my living room. Or I can just watch it on my computer. That is highway robbery. Kind of like when I paid to see Water World in the theater. I was the only person on earth to do so. 

4. I love when hot chicks post photos of themselves all scantily clad and their carpet looks like the ashtray of a 1987 Toyota Tercel. Hey girl hey do you even own a vacuum or one of those things that lets you pick shit up off the floor without having to bend over? Nice abs though. 

5. Yesterday we went to dinner and were discussing once again the importance of being nice and kind to others and Mia said. “Every time I win one of the learning games in class I just give myself a little woohoo good job Mia in my indoor voice. I never say "I’m the winner! You’re the loser!” even when other kids do. But I am technically still a winner.“ 

I’m totally taking advice from a 6 year old today and am just going to start giving myself a little Woohoo good job Ruth in my indoor voice because I am technically still a winner. Even if I can’t lose weight to save my life. 

Weight ain’t nothing but a number and I’m like a solid 3 if we’re being honest. 

Happy Friday motha lovahs.